are we meant to be?

part 41

you: i wanted to kill myself

i didn't think he heard but he did.

josh: w- what??

...................

josh: baby

i look up and notice his face is all beat up.

you: j what happened to your-
josh: bryce. it's nothing. don't change the subject. did you hurt yourself??

i shake my head no.

josh: so i made you think like that???

i don't look at him.

josh: i am so sorry. i don't even know how to make up for this
you: you didn't do anything
josh:
it may have been a misunderstanding but i'm done talking nessa. this is twice that i've hurt you because of her. i'm not gonna let it happen again
you: i haven't eaten all week

i just blurted it out since we were being honest.

josh: carson

he hugs me tighter and kisses my head.

josh: i hate that i do this to you. i make you be in a terrible state of mind
you: that's not true. i'm happiest when i'm with you it's just when we fight and stuff is when i try to hurt myself

once again he hugs me.

josh: i'm gonna grab a hotel here for the night and i'm gonna head to canada tomorrow.
you: w- will you stay here? meet them?
josh: i-
you: they all wanna meet you. a- and i need someone to make me eat. they won't mind
josh: fine. when do you go back to canada
you: 2 days
josh: ok. once we get back your telling your parents about not eating and thinking of hurting yourself

i nod a bit and bury my head in his chest.

you: so why is your face bruised??
josh: bryce beat the shut out of me when that picture was posted
you: oh

we sit there hugging for a bit before going downstairs.

you: this is my boyfriend josh
kayden: the one that cheated on you?!

i watch as kayden balls his fists.

you: no. it was a misunderstanding. everything's fine
jess: well josh it's nice to meet you

i've never really talked about josh to them because both times i've been here, josh and i weren't talking at the moment.

carter: josh richards!!!

she runs over hugging josh and he hugs back while laughing. it wasn't a hug like the ones he gives random fans. it was how he hugs liv or charli. like he's known her forever. after introducing him to everyone,

josh: make a tiktok with me?

he asks carter and she practically flips out.

carter: make a tiktok with THE josh richards?!

they make a few and he tags her in all of them. avery loves josh. she's probably about wills age. that night, josh and i are laying in bed cuddling.

josh: when we head to canada, i'm gonna stay there for a while. me being in LA and you in toronto is obviously not helping your mental state. we've had more issues being apart.

i nod.

josh: and once you graduate we can work something out so we're together. whether it's me moving back home or you coming to LA with me. we don't have to talk about this now, but i'm just telling you, i'm gonna be wherever you are.

he kisses my head before we drift to sleep.

..................