Legacy

Chapter 57

Emily and Beca went to school on Thursday morning feeling better than they did the previous day. Neither was woken by screaming or vomiting. Other than the pressure of their mother being in the house which caused all girls to go to bed earlier. Even Beca who would usually stay up late making mixes she didn't dare make a noise and went to sleep. The previous morning they went about their normal routine and went to school like nothing was wrong.

Emily had gone to see Ali straight away, she needed to be by her side, however wrong she felt about it. However much Beca had told her not to worry and that they were okay she still felt as if she was caught. She thought there is no way their mother isn't going to work this out. And she wants to be nowhere near if she does.

Beca went to Jesse rather than Chloe this morning. Chloe would be able to see straight through her while she could lie to Jesse better. Even though she had known Jesse longer as they had been kids since they were 5, she knew Jesse could be easily distracted by nearly anything. Beca should be feeling better about the fact they had received help from their mom, but all she could think was back to the conversation with Emily on the steps the previous day. She hadn't thought about reaching out to their father since he had left. If he didn't want anything to do with them then she didn't want anything to do with him. It was as easy as that. Beca only had less than a handful of memories of him, so it would feel wrong reaching for help. However he was their father, a father who had left as soon as things got tricky. She was angry how could he know what their mother was and leave four children with her. He is just as bad as her. Beca tells herself he means nothing to her. Yet why can't she get him off her mind. Maybe because Emily brought him up for the first time in what feels like forever. Or maybe it's because that could only be their only ticket out of there.

Jesse had been rambling for about the last five minutes about the movie he watched last night and about how amazing the score was. Beca was brought back to earth by the bell ringing. She sighed knowing she was stuck here for the rest of the day.

"And so it begins." Jesse exclaims dramatically, which makes Beca roll her eyes.

"You're such a dork." Beca says back pushing him slightly.

"Says the music freak." Jesse replies smuggly, making Beca remember she has music today, which always makes a day easier to get through.

She had managed to get through her first lesson without any trouble. She wasn't gonna start anything when Stacie had enough problems at the moment and without her adding to them. Which at the moment was causing her the longest streak of not being in trouble that she had ever had. However next was maths. Which meant noisy Miss Holmes. Which meant her noisy girlfriend. She sighed deeply as entered the class before the bell went saying she would be late. Chloe was immediately waving and smiling at her, she nodded and smiled back. Miss Holmes was at the other side of the classroom so she took the opportunity to kiss her girlfriend lightly and then sit down next to her.

"How are you gorgeous?" Beca asked, leaning in to Chloe to say it quietly to her. Which made Chloe blush.

"I'm good, how are you? I missed you this morning." Chloe replied, both girls starting to get their books from their bags.

"I'm good and I'm sorry Jesse was starting to get jealous for not paying him any attention. But I can't help if I just want to think about you." Beca said being cheesy but it was just so simply to make Chloe blush. Beca appreciated that Chloe was too caught up on the idea that Beca spends her time thinking about her, rather than realising Beca wasn't here mentally.

Beca can't remember the last time she was just in a moment and not trying to convince herself she was somewhere else. She had to disassociate herself from the situation for fear of being attached or too much in a place that would cause her to have strong feelings. She couldn't have that. She wasn't allowed. So that's why nearly everything that came out of her mouth seemed snarky or disingenuous. Because mainly it was. Distance was key to everything. As much as she hated the idea of leaving her sisters, she fantasizes the idea of getting away. Moving to LA anywhere far from her. From school, her mom, he messed up life and sadly the things that kept her going each day, her sisters. She knew that their mother would never be totally out of their life. And she also knew that everytime she looked at her siblings it reminded her of all she wanted to forget. This wasn't saying she didn't love them, she did. She loved them more than anything in the world. But she looks at Addy and feels guilty. It was her fault for the state that she is in and Beca would never forgive herself for it. And part of her believed Stacie felt the same way. Sometimes Beca felt as if Stacie would feel resentment to all of the girls as for years she was the one that got in between and shielded them from the physical pain of their mother. Stacie didn't get half the life her sisters got, always looking after them being the parent. It was like an extreme game of moms and dads, but she could never stop. Yes, they had the help of the house cleaner but manier times Stacie had done the job of cleaning up after the girls. And Beca can't help but wonder if she ever thinks about how much easier her life would have been without them. She would only have to think of herself. Beca thought back to the idea of leaving, yes it would kill her and her sisters. But soon enough, she believed, they would realise it was for their own good. Beca caused a lot of the problems with their mother, stirred the point when it wasn't needed. She didn't know why she couldn't just play along like everyone else. But without Beca in the house, they would realise she left for them. To make life easier. They would be happy. However, Beca didn't know if she would ever do it. Leave. She would say if it gets bad enough. But what would that be. Where is the line that makes it too difficult to cope.