Dream a Little Dream of Me

Chapter 19: How's it feel, to be so loved yet so alone?

|tw: mentions of abuse|

We were still in the car. I was so exhausted, Clay and Sapnap were in the front. We had stopped outside their house. They were grilling me with questions. I understood why, I cut off all contact from them for like 2 and a half weeks and then I just called in distress asking for a place to stay. It definitely was confusing. I just wasn't sure I was ready to talk. I wasn't sure I'd ever be ready to talk to them. To Clay especially. I knew I had hurt him. I knew he was hurt because of me, and now I was putting him through my own stress and problems. This was all my fault. Why was I so dum-

"Y/N please just talk to us." My thoughts were cut off by Sapnap's voice. "We want to help, but we can't help unless you talk to us."

"I know that It's just a lot harder than I thought." I said, "Plus I don't want to burden you more with my problems, I already am causing a fuss."

"Y/N we want to help you." Clay said. "We are your friends. We are here for you."

Friends. God that word hurt coming from his lips. I knew I broke up with him, but I just didn't expect him to move on this fast. But it probably was best that we just stay friends. I guess he was right about that. "Okay we can talk about it, but can we just go inside. I have to pee."

"Oh yeah yeah of course." They both quickly unbuckled and got out of their seats. Clay went to the trunk to grab my bag while I followed Sapnap to the door while he unlocked it. He walked around a bit to the living room and motioned to the light grey couch. I forgot how nicely designed this house was. There was no way they had designed this. Clay's mom must-have. It looked too nice.

I sat down on the couch after a quick bathroom trip. Sapnap sitting on a chair across from me, and Clay on the chair next to him. Clay was the farthest from me. Which made sense I guess.

"So, ummm okay where to start." I paused "By the way this couch is very comfortable, did you pick this out yourself or."

"Y/N, get to the point please," Clay said. He seemed kind of irritated.

"Okay." I took a deep breath "It started that day when I called off our date, Ellie said she had to talk to me about something and I tried to put it off until after we got back, but she told me it was really important, so then I talked to her. She basically told me she was in love with me." I could see the expression in Clay's eyes change. "And I tried to shoot her down. I told her we were just friends, and that I did love her, just like family not like that. But she kept fighting it. She kept telling me things that I knew weren't true, but I almost started to believe her. It was incredibly weird, and it felt out of character for her, and she was just pushing and pushing and pushing, and I kept trying to tell her that I didn't feel the same way. It got to the point where she started to talk about you. And then." This was hard. A lot harder than I expected. I could feel the tears rolling down my face and my voice breaking. I knew they could see it too"

"Then what Y/N?" Sapnap asked. He reached his hand out to my knee in an attempt to comfort me. I locked eyes with Clay, and It was like he knew the words I couldn't quite roll off my tongue.

"She didn't," Clay said.

"No thankfully she didn't, but she basically said that the only way she said she wouldn't was if I broke up with you and got with her"

"Wait wait am I missing something?" Sapnap asked.

"Dude she threatened to doxx me. She used those photos we took as leverage."

"Oh shit," Sapnap said in just louder than a whisper.

"Yeah. So then I met up with Clay and then you know." I paused. They both nodded. "It just felt like the best option out of the two for you. I was really upset and broken down, and just exhausted, she basically was by my side the whole time, which I think she thought was us falling in love or something. I was just a mess, and she was upset that I wasn't as happy as she was that we were together, and I guess it just kind of spiraled out of control."