Fifty Shades Of Love, Sex And Tears

Chapter 12 - Wounds to Heal

Charlotte's POV
I'm standing away from him, shaking uncontrollably.

I can't stop the pain pulsing through my naked body, nothing can.

I can't fathom the pain pulsing through my naked body, caused by him.

When I stood upright the throbbing became worst if that was even possible.

Christian had a mix of relief and confusion spread across his face but worst of all, he was turned on by what he'd just done to me.

He moved a step closer, and I stepped back. "Don't. Don't you dare," I wrapped my arms around myself to cover my body and whatever dignity I have left. How could I be so stupid and trust him.

"You want this?" I asked him, he couldn't answer. "You like... you like seeing me like this." I tried to hold back my tears but was failing miserably.

"Charlotte, please let me explain." He finally said, but I shouted back, "No. Don't. You don't get to talk."

I turned and walked as fast as I could out of the red room of pain, the throbbing meant I couldn't walk too far so I headed towards my room hoping he wouldn't catch up to me. Once I closed the door, I broke down, allowing the tears to stream down my face. When did I last cry like this? I asked myself as I got under the soft covers, they were cold and unused, which soothed my bottom.

My tears of pain turned to anger then confusion and then back to hatred & anger.

Why did I trust him?

How could he enjoy that?

Why did I ask him?

Who does this?

I needed to leave.

These questions went round and round in my head, I was so tired I just wanted to sleep but I couldn't get comfortable, and I couldn't relax. For some reason, one thought was at the forefront of my mind:

He has done so much for me, and I can't do this, this 'thing' that he needs.

I don't know how long I'd spent alone when I heard the door open and footsteps heading to the bed. I was facing the window, my back to the door as I felt the bed sink when he sat down and placed some cream and Advil on the bedside table.

"Please don't hate me," he whispered finally, his voice lacking its normal passion. Hate him, is he serious, I should hate him, but I don't, not him, just what he did. I stayed silent. "Please," he was begging me as I let out a muffled sob.

"You will never do that to me again." I said firmly with the confidence I didn't have. "Look at me," he whispered and then tried reached out to touch me.

I flinched and he recoiled.

I took a deep breath, I had to say what needed to be said, what we needed to hear. "I'm not what you want." He replied immediately, "You are exactly what I want, Charlotte." I shook my head feeling tears well in my eyes. I watched the sun start to rise over the skyline clouded through the tears. "I'm not the girl for you," he sighed.

"No. You are everything I need."

"I. can't. do. this." I said slowly, I could feel him trying to get close me, so I stopped fighting. "Look at us, we work." he spoke gently, and I shook my head.

"If I stay, I will do something I can't do," I paused for a moment, and he held me. "I will fall in love with you".

He froze letting me go, "You can't love me, Charlotte." I nodded my head, "I know, that's why I need you to go." I hid my head into the pillows as he kissed my shoulder then covered me with the covers. I felt the bed lift and heard him walk away and the door finally close.