Fifty Shades Of Love, Sex And Tears

Chapter 49 - Angry or Not

Christian's POV
I had a wedding date in my diary, I had the honeymoon planned out to the hour, I had my perfect bride who has been lying to me. And I didn't know what or how to feel.

Charlotte has always been and probably will be a mystery to me forever, certain things about her never quite made sense. Her need to work out, her desire to be busy, her drinking, little things really. When she explained what had happened in England pieces fell together but never completely, like I knew there was something else but believed she wouldn't hide anything else from me.

Until she did.

My role as her fiancé in this moment was to comfort her, tell her none of it mattered. I should have been apologising to her not the other way round, but I froze. I froze even when in the past I continually told her that the past did not matter and wouldn't change anything for me.

My natural, instinctive response was how did I never realise before, so I was angry at both myself and her. And then I became confused as to how someone as perfect as Charlotte, my Charlotte would ever feel the need to starve herself.

Starving yourself by choice, that is what I could not understand. I spent four years of my life hungry and couldn't change my situation even if I had the power to do so but she was choosing or had chosen that way of life. A way of life I couldn't even think about without my body crawling in pain.

We were meant to be getting married in just a couple of weeks and now I was rethinking it all or was I just confused, in need of time to process.

I wrapped her in my arms, more for my own sanity. I needed to know she was still there even though I wasn't. I wanted her to feel me being there for her and being calm when my body was running a mile a minute.

Eventually I unwrapped my arms and took her by the arm leading us back to the bedroom. I left my barely touched meal on the side as I lost my appetite quickly but knew I'd more than likely eat it tomorrow.

Once inside, I quickly striped Charlotte and then myself before getting into bed. Even though we had barely separated for a couple of minutes when we reunited our touch was like fire both comforting and burning.

Charlotte needed me, needed the reassurance I was not going, and I wasn't. I didn't think I'd survive without her because she was my everything. Her hands moved from where they were on waist up to my neck so she could pull my face to hers. Our lips met, soft at first, asking for permission almost until it was granted, and our tongues began fighting for power.

I knew it was wrong, but sex fixes everything for us it always has. So we had sex, and it was brilliant. I was able to forget about everything that had been shared and go back to how we were before. Charlotte begged for me to go harder, to fuck her pain away so I did, numerous times. I took her from every angle until she nearly passed out beneath me.

"Sleep," I ordered quietly rolling her onto to her back and covering her with the covers. I lay beside her, Charlotte had her arms around my trunk holding onto to me tightly like I was her life raft.

"I broke a promise and I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, but I have Christian. I'm sorry..." Charlotte said, barely audible. I don't know whether she thought I was asleep or wanted me to hear but as much as I wanted to be mad at her for lying, I couldn't be because I promised to love her, all of her including the past.

Once Charlotte was definitely asleep, I creeped out of bed replacing my body with a pillow, so she had something to hold. I needed to make a few phone calls and finish my dinner.

I sat down in my study after heating up my pasta in the microwave and grabbed my phone from the side and found the contact I needed.

"Bro, it's fucking midnight." Elliot groaned, but truthfully I hadn't looked at the time. "I need to talk to Kate," I requested calmly. "She is asleep like we should be, can it wait till the morning?" He asked but I insisted and waited for her.