Fifty Shades Of Love, Sex And Tears

Chapter 46 - Compartmentalize

Christian's POV
To compartmentalize is defined as a defence mechanism where someone suppresses their thoughts and emotions both consciously and unconsciously.

And the Grey family were clearly doing it consciously however some were better than others at it.

"How long?" My mum asked for the second time as I shrugged, "It doesn't matter anymore." A lone tear rolled down her cheek, "How old were you?" I shook my head, I was not prepared answer this. All I wanted to do was find Charlotte and go to sleep.

"Christian, how fucking old were you?" Grace shouted, making me regret staying silent. "15," I quietly answered.

"That creature fucking raped you," she hissed.

Fuck, I've never heard my mother swear like this in my life.

I shook my head, "Mum please, it wasn't like that." I softly spoke, not wanting to be overheard. "Don't. Don't you dare justify what she did..." She replied harshly before letting out a gut wrenching sob.

"I should have realised," she began after a while, leaning against the wall opposite me. "You stopped fighting, became more... present, improved your grades. We thought it was us and that we'd helped you, but it was..."

"Grace sweetheart," My father's voice stopped her explanation. "What's the matter? I saw Charlotte disappear with Sawyer crying so came to look for Christian." Charlotte is crying, I need to find her. How the fuck do I explain this my father, he will kill me. I have betrayed everyone.

My mother clearly heard and understood my mental conversation as she wiped her eyes clear. "Go find her, I'll deal with this, and we will talk tomorrow." She said with slight encouragement and finality.

I've hurt everyone I care about, I knew when this came out it would hurt them, but I never wanted it to come out this way especially not today. Today was my parents 25th Wedding Anniversary, a celebration of their lives together not them finding out about what I did as a 15 year old.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and entered the ballroom. Instantly feeling hundreds of pairs of eyes on me, praying they hadn't heard anything. Glancing round the room I tried looking for Taylor but couldn't spot him, nor could I see Sawyer which told me Charlotte hadn't returned.

"Hey bro, it's time for the toast. Where are our folks?" Elliot shouted over the music to me, "They will be back shortly, they're dealing with something." I replied quietly and quickly wanting to find Charlotte. "That sounds like code for either sex or something important and I do hope it's the latter." He grimaced even at the word.

"It's just a family thing. Do you know where Charlotte is?" I asked after briefly skirting round the subject of our parents. But Elliot was unable to answer my question, "Is she alright?" He asked shaking his head.

"I don't know..." I whispered back as I left his side to try and find her.

I moved through the room slowly searching for the chestnut hair of my fiancé, but it was no use until my phone buzzed in my pocket.

We have Charlotte in the rose garden ~ Taylor

Bring a bottle of something please ~ Taylor

I let out a sigh of relief at his first message while laughing at his second one because I knew he would never have dreamed of sending me anything like that before I met Charlotte. On my way outside, I made a quick diversion towards the bar to pick some poison.

"Bottle of tequila please," I said to the young barman who looked confused. "A bottle of tequila please." I repeated slower than earlier hoping it would help him understand my request. "The whole bottle?" He awkwardly replied holding up a half full one. I shook my head, "Preferably unopened." I replied curtly pointing behind him to the array of liquor.