Odin's Little Devil// Loki

Blunt Knives Disguised as Words

Nyx's eyes felt swollen shut. She shook her head trying to shake the pain away, but it was like using a wheelbarrow to catch an entire wave of the ocean, it was useless to try and stop the salt water from reaching the surface.

"He truly meant the world to you." Thor's voice broke. Nyx's muscles contracted at the sound. Her mind was constantly foggy with bittersweet memories she still clung to of Loki. Her heart physically ached to the point it became hard to breathe. Her skin crawled and felt uncomfortable when her clothes moved on her, when the sheets brushed her legs, when her own hand would brush the places Loki left faded kisses.

Everything hurt, everything stung, everything was breaking and burning and crashing and tearing and it hurt. Everything was in pain and it became unbearable.

"He was my everything." she managed to croak. Her voice was beyond hoarse it was so difficult to understand what she was saying. Thor was waiting to hear her once more, but he regretted it now. Everything his sister was looked, felt, and sounded of was destroyed.

He pulled away regretful, not knowing if he was strong enough to see her cry; not if any physical pain she endured because he knew she was the most strong of all warriors he had the honor of fighting beside, but emotional pain. It was something he could not heal.

"I loved him too." Thor tried to comfort her. "I would never admit to it but I always looked up to him."

Nyx stopped to listen, and for a moment she wasn't thinking about how dead he was or how lonely she was.

"He was much smarter than me. I only strived to please Father. I don't actually know what I want, but Loki did. He always knew what he wanted, he always had an answer. If he didn't, he always managed to find one." Thor expressed solemnly. Nyx had listened, finally taking Thor's hand into her own, her lack of strength making her want to vomit. She focused on his words rather than the tears beginning in his eyes and the pout to his lip.

She didn't know how much more pain she could endure before finally finding some peace, a place with no hurt.

"I fear you know the truth..." Nyx groaned, a cry catching in her throat.

Thor looked down at her with curiosity. "What do you mean?" he wondered, not wanting her to be ashamed of anything. He truly believed Nyx could slay the most innocent of creatures and all in due time would he forgive her.

"Loki," her throat swelled up and her eyes, her gaseously blue eyes welled with tears. Her muscled contracted, wanting to feel him in some way. It was like she was trying to feel the places his fingertips traced and his lips pressed sweet kisses. There was nothing but numbness now. "I have given him my heart and he to me. I understand-" there was no hiding anymore. There was nothing left to hide. The worst had succumbed and she didn't know why she was still trying.

"Nobody knew of our feelings but everyone will believe me to be a disgrace for loving him the way I did so." she wailed, the only way for him to hear her through the crying was to speak over the loud sobs she could no longer contain. Thor's hand tightened around hers, his arms pulling her into his chest. Nyx felt as their chests began to bounce against each other as they shed their armor, revealing the raw and innocent children they were underneath it all. "I just hope you don't hate me for loving him."

"No," Thor hushed her, his hand stroking her matted blonde hair that he remembered being tied up messily despite Nyx's royal status. "I would never. Asgard will not, I assure you." he cried.

"You cannot promise this." Nyx clutched to Thor's arm with enough strength now to make even the God of Thunder yelp. "I have fallen for who they still believe to be my brother!" she argued, the pain unbearable to the point it physically hurt to breathe.

How can you look at me knowing I might not have physically touched my brother with a lustful hand but mentally, I did, and I did more than like the feeling.

Thor frowned, not knowing how else to comfort her, he seemed to be making things worse.

How can you be comfortable knowing it was the equivalent to you? I caused so much damage, just because I could not live with the truth. I disgust even myself. Father would be more than disappointed, Mother would be repulsed, all of Asgard will recall me as the feculent demise of the throne.

"Stop. Just stop hurting yourself." Thor shushed her once more.

His bones began to ache, knowing what he was feeling was only a small fragment of what she was feeling. His stomach churned feeling her stuttering heartbeat against his abdomen, his brows arched with pain as he fought the tears, his heart ached to bear Nyx's words, his head was spinning with thoughts and feelings he did not know how to express nor comprehend.

"He meant the world to you, but he was my world. It's like some thief has smashed every window in every dwelling in the world and every rich was stolen from every greedy and innocent hand. The light feels like it was stolen from the sky, the water has been poisoned, the trees stripped of their fruit, the land left barren, the clouds are nothing more than pollution, and my hands have been cut from my body, my legs no longer belonging to me, my lungs can't breathe through the thick tainted air and I might be surviving but it hurts too much to go on, Brother." she expressed with a sore throat.

"What is living when all the good has been ripped from you? Is this truly living life?"

There was only silence. Thor swallowed hard. Loki was not biologically their brother, therefore Thor saw nothing wrong in her truth. Nyx was decaying because she loved Loki as more than a brother. Thor would always see him as his little brother, but Nyx was in love with him. He did not feel ill at the thought nor did he think there was anything wrong with them. There must have been a feeling Loki was not like them. It was almost as if fate had allowed them to love each other in any situation possible, even one that seemed impossible.

He got to his feet with hurt. His skin felt numb to his world and the frame of his sister was too blurry to see through his eyes. His heart was beating with regret for not doing more on the bridge the day he died. It was like a dull knife was driving its blunt tip into his skin, not piercing his organs, but tearing at his flesh, pressing its way into him, and burying itself deep within his heart. The quick slice of a knife seemed euphoric to the painful tearing at his body.

The blunt knife would always hurt much more than the sharp one.

It's short and it still took me forever to finish it but this is very painful to write, so in the most friendly and loving way possible, I hope it hurts just as much to read as it is to write. I hope you lovelies can enjoy the rest of your day. I sincerely love y'all!

-V