Y/n Stark

Kitchen talk

Y/n POV
My feet carried me away from the compound. Leading the way to my loft. I missed being there. This place brings me peace at some point. Probably because it's so quiet and I can be in harmony. I took the elevator to the last floor where my loft was. I opened the door and entered my second home. As I dropped the Keyes on a table beside the door I've noticed that there was a Destroyed Vase Right in front of my feet. Confusion started to build up and my gaze moved around my apartment. Everything was a mess. Windows shattered, broken chairs and tables. Pictures destroyed. Probably every furniture unusable. What on earth happened here? I moved around to get a closer look on everything. My way ended in the kitchen where I found a big puddle of blood on the floor and wall. Dried Fingerprints of blood all around this puddle of blood. I kneeled down in front of it and traced with my finger above it. Then it hit like a bus. This was my blood, and all of a sudden I started to have flashbacks. An armed man was here with me. Wearing all black and a covered face. Armed with weapons and knifes to attack me. Not just attack me but to end me. My body fell back to the wall opposite from the blood spot. My knees up against my chest and my head held in my hands. I see how he fought me, how I was struggling to keep him occupied. It was hard to hold him back I was off guard and he caught me in a moment of weakness. He stabbed me with two knifes and my flashback ended immediately. I gasped sharply for air as I lifted my head up. My breathing was hollow and my vision was burry from all the tears that filled my eyes. It feels like I relived every moment of that night.

I was so deflected that I didn't notice that somebody walked in. „Y/n are you here?" I didn't hear anything from my surroundings because I was trying to focus on my mind and breathing. I had my eyes shut and my head lowered to my knees. „Y/n hey what's wrong?" I frightened and got pulled back out of my mind space because someone was touching me. I moved backwards away from the person that just touched me. My vision still blurry from the tears but I noticed that It was Wanda. I wasn't really happy to see her here. She was the reason why I left today in the first place. „Y/n. What happened? I was looking for you everywhere?" she asked me questions that I couldn't answer now because I was to stressed and tense to process my flashback. My chest was pacing up and down fast. Breathing still hollow and my body shaking constantly. I closed my eyes without saying anything for hoping that my situation will get any better. But it didn't. I felt how she kneeled down in front of me. Her hands landed on my cheeks to lift up my face. „Y/n look at me.." she demanded but I still held my eyes shut for a brief Moment before opening them and glancing right into Wandas eyes.
„I was actually hoping on being alone.." I answered defensiv trying to push her away for some reason.
I don't even get to be mad or jealous at her and Vision, but I still am and I hate it. She shrugged her brows at my response, because she was probably expecting something else. „To me it seems like I came in a good timing." I glanced at her while she still has my face held in her soft warm hands.
„I don't need any company I am fine." I was still defensive and closed up on her. I don't want to burden her with my messed up things. „You can't fool me. I am not going anywhere." she was answering soft but also dominant at the same time.
„You wanna talk about what happened?" she asked concerned while scanning my face. „Nothing to be concerned about. I wanted to get some peace here and I find my second home in a fucking mess... I guess this isn't a home anymore. I scanned everything and a flashback hit me." her eyes widen at my explanation. Why was she so shocked at me having a flashback? Is there something she is scared of me knowing? „What was it about?" this question answered my thought. She indeed wants me to not remember something. „The attack on me." was everything I said. I didn't gave her any further information. I don't want to get in any details, it's already enough for me seeing the fight playing on repeat in my head.

Wanda POV
She was giving me the cold shoulder and I deserve it. I should have told her about Vision even if she didn't remember at the moment. She is defensive and answering cold not giving me a chance to help her.
„I am sorry for not telling you about Vision." I didn't want to talk about the bush. I got straight to the point and hoping to get any reaction. I couldn't pin point her reaction. A sight left her body before answering „There is no need for an apology." I was completely confused by now. Is she really thinking that? „But I do.." she cut me off mid sentence not letting me finish. „You're with Vision. I am happy for you. It's not even like we had a thing going on anyway." she moved her fingers between me and her while answering. I wanted to tell her that we shared a night together. I wanted to do it so bad but It didn't fell right to tell her now. She needs to remember on her own. Telling her about lost memories might cause more damage and I don't want her to have that. „Right.." was the only thing I brought out quietly. „But i wanted to tell you anyway. Vision and I had shared a couple moments but there isn't anything between us anymore." I held in for a moment to collect my next words. „He try's to get closer to me but I reject him constantly. He can be stubborn but I made it clear that I don't want to have any romantic relationship with him." „Well.. I don't know what to say about it." She stopped to think about something. „I hope you find the Right one. I had mine. But I lost him. Twice. What upsets me the most is that I don't even remember how he was. I fell empty. Left behind. I know when I will remember him I can cope properly, but I don't think I will find Love in anyone ever again." hearing this from her breaks my heart, but little did she know that I think I found my person already. „You will Love again one day Y/n. It will just take time." she shook her head no to my answer. „Some people say it's better to have loved and lost, than Never to have loved at all. But sometimes I wish I never loved." tears started to form in her eyes while saying that in a shaky voice.
I stoked her cheek as a tear rolled down her beautiful face. „There is something that Vision has told me years ago when I lost my brother. I won't compare the loss of my brother with you're love but this quote fits. It got stuck in my head ever since. He said

„What is Grief, if  Love not persevering."

This is something that helped me cope better and I didn't know it was possible." I was crying by now because it wasn't easy for me to open up about my own loss. She cried in silence not letting any sob escape her body. „So essentially you mean that you grief because you still have love inside of you?" her voice shaking because she is holding back the sobbing. „Yes exactly. You might feel a pain of a lost one or the end of a relationship and you would have grief and go through that pain of loss in order to heal and love once more." she was silent and taking everything in. Her tears didn't stop but I feel like I got through her walls she builded up around her heart. She broke the silence and said „Sounds like Vision is the Right persons for you. He really helped you cope didn't he?"  I nod at her with a soft smile
„Yes he helped me, and so did everyone else in the team, but especially Vision. I will anyways be thankful for him being there for me but there will never be any romantic relationship between us." she nodded at my answer. „And I will help you cope too. You're not doing this alone. We're all here for you." she smiled softly at me wiping her tears away with her sleeves.