Y/n Stark

Unexpected jealousy

Y/n POV
I was laying in my bed covering it completely by laying in the middle. I just laid there trying to stay awake. I just don't want to fall asleep without trying the medicine out Dr Raynor wrote me down. I was didn't know for how long I was laying there but it seems like time passed by. I heard a knock on my door. „come on in." I yelled out not knowing who it is. I turned my head to face the door and I saw Bucky walking in with a small paper bag. „Hey Buddy." I greeted him and he sat down pushing me aside so he can lay down too. „what took you so long?" i asked him and he pointed up to the meds. „It took me some time. The pharmacy where I usually go to didn't had you're meds. I was looking in others and I found it eventually." I nod in appreciation „thank you. I appreciate it. I couldn't really go out myself." he chuckled at me „Sure you can always ask me." an comforting silence fell above our conversation.
„Can I ask you something?" he turned his head to face me but I didn't look at him. „Anything go ahead." he answered. „How is it? With u know... the things that they did to you back at their base." he let out a sight.
„It's not easy. I still get major flashbacks. It still haunts me. Sometimes I fell like-." I finished his sentence „like they will get you again. And you feel like everything you do goes wrong." and he nod in agreement. „Yeah. Exactly. I am terrified of it. Or that I will snap and hurt someone." it felt good to be understood once. „I can relate way to good with it. I don't want to burden anybody with my bullshit."
He shook his head „they all care Y/n you don't burden anybody. I was feeling the same after Steve got me back. But despite the things I've done, they all cared and helped me. You just have to let us in. It didn't work directly with me but I kept trying and they are all holding me up." tears formed in my eyes and I felt overwhelmed for some reason. I brushed it off my clearing throat. „I guess I should take some of the pills." „Sure I will get them." he reached out and gave me one with a bottle of water. „Don't worry I already know wich one you need to take." he said knowing exactly wich one is for sleeping. „Thanks." and I took a sip with the pill. „It will work in around an hour. Or earlier it depends on what you ate today." I looked at him „looks like you know exactly what you're talking about." he chuckled dry „yeah sadly I do. But it helps me. I hope it does with you too." he smiled up at me and I laid down again.
„Do you have anything that helps you to forget for some hours?" I asked trying to hold the conversation. I know that I can talk to him since we share a similar trauma. „Training. It distracts me a lot." I hugged at his answer. „i don't want to use my powers." and he shrugged his shoulders „you don't need to. Hand to hand combat can distract you enough. You will feel ready to use you're power one day." he answered with optimism.

We heard a knock on the door and before I could say anything Wanda walked in heads first. Her expression fell as she saw that Bucky way laying next to me. We didn't lay in any kinda of romantic way. Just two messed up buddy's talking to each other.
I pulled myself up and so did Bucky. „Oh sorry I thought you were alone." she answered and wanted to tune on her heels to head out again. „No Wanda wait." I spoke up but Bucky interrupted me.
„Wanda hey I was just about to leave. You can stay." he jogged to the door smiling at Wanda. Before he closed the door he winked at me playfully and I just rolled my eyes at this gesture. „Is everything alright?" I asked and she was still standing there looking me up and down. „did I miss a chapter on you and Bucky?" a hint of jealousy stroked out as she asked me that. This question actually took me by surprise. She has nothing to be jealous about.
„We only talked for a bit. It's nothing." I tried to brush it off. „Sure didn't look like nothing." she crossed her arms getting mad at me. „Wanda we just had a conversation ab-." I stopped myself mid way and this made her raise a brow at me.
„What can't even talk about the things you talked to him?" I furrowed my brows confused at her „N-no it's not like that. We just relate on our messed up things. We briefly talked about it there was nothing going on." I stated but it didn't look like she believed me. „So you what jump into bed with him as soon as Someone relates to you're trauma?" now this made me mad. „Don't Wanda. Don't assault me on things I didn't do. What is going on with you?" I asked and she huffed at me. „No what is going on with you? I am trying my best to get closer to you but I feel like every time we get closer to each other it falls apart immediately. Like I am one step forward and three steps back at the same time. You don't even reach out for me."
I don't know what drove into her mind but it hurts to see her like this. „I don't see you try. I love you but..." she stopped herself from talking further.
„just leave already Wanda. Rip the bandage off." she stepped back in shock. „What?" she asked quiet.
„Leave. Just like everybody else does. I am done being left behind. I can't take it anymore. So just..." the lump in my throat held me back on talking further. Without any hesitation she turned around to leave just like I told her. This threw me off my feet.
Is she really doing this now? I walked behind her and we reached the living area where everyone was sitting. I grabbed her by the arm and turned her around. „You wanted me to leave so I do." she said and i feel how my heart broke more. „Is this how you think of me? You think so low of me? Jumping around on the next person who I relate to?" she didn't say anything. Her glossy eyes just looked right through me. „What's going on here?" Nat interrupted but Bucky held her back. „This goes on me." he said and I shook my head. „No Bucky. This goes on my credit once again. I just can't be fixed and Wanda saw it finally. That I am an indecisive person. Fragile, broken, shattered... you Name it. I am already trying to fix myself. But I guess I am not trying hard enough." I let go of her arm as she watched my movement closely. She let out a quiet gasp. „I am just helpless." this was the last thing I said before storming out of the compound not even going to my room. I went straight to my car in the garage and drove of to my loft because I couldn't take it anymore.

I drove around half an hour as I reached my loft.
It was dark by now and I was getting more and more tired with every minute. Just like Bucky told me. The meds are kicking in now. I put my phone on air plane mode and closed it completely. I didn't want to be reached at all. I wanted silence. Quiet time to rest. I was just hoping on getting a solide time of sleep without any interruptions. I missed it here. My place was decorated new since the last time where everything was shattered and broken. As soon as my head hit the pillow I fell asleep instantly. I thought it would take me longe to fall asleep but it didn't.