Y/n Stark

Conversations

Y/n POV
I watched her closely as I said my last words. She stopped taking notes. Closed her note book and put it down in front off her little table.

„This is a lot to process Y/n. I think I want to see you as often as possible to talk you're trauma out. Especially the most recent one. You're not just here to be diagnosed by me Y/n. You are here to heal. This a healing process and it will take time. And it will get frustrating believe me. But the fact that you are sitting in front of me is immense. You've been through so much and you still pushed through. You kept going no matter what came across you're path.
You didn't gave up. This shows how strong you are. So tell me...How are you feeling after telling me all of this?"

„Lighter. Like I can breath again after years. But also crushed by how the words just flooded out of me. Like... like I am releasing this weight on my shoulders wich are bringing me to my knees every day since six years." tears fell down my face as I told her.

„Good! Y/n this is a big process. I know this is only our first session but it's working good so far. You should be proud of yourself."

„Proud? Of what?" I asked her curious as I wiped my tears away.

„For how far you've come. For opening up. For not shutting you out from the rest of the world. And most importantly. For not giving up."

I nod in adjustment.

„To finish our first session I want to ask something else wich is also important. How is this trauma reflecting physically on you? Describe it please."

„I feel tired. Probably because i can't sleep. If I do I dream about my time at hydra and about all the bad things I've done. Mostly the things that they did to me. Even when I close my eyes I get flashbacks. I zone out often and it feels like a constant loop of emotions wich Are crushing me down. I can't look at myself anymore. Mainly because of my scars wich are spread all over my body. I have this constant feeling that something bad will happen. Not just to me jut also to the others in my team. I don't want anyone to get hurt. I feel like I can't really eat. I didn't get much food when I was kept hostage. My stomach got used to minimal food. Some days I didn't even got any. And now I sit on the table and look at this food. I just can't swallow it. I try to distract myself as much as possible. But it's not really helping."

She hummed in a understanding way.
„I will prescribe you some medications wich hopefully will help you with the sleeping problems.
For how long did you have them?" she asked taking out another note book.

„since the day of the accident in the lab back in Germany. Since that I didn't get a solid 8 hours of sleep. I took little naps. Sometimes I ask myself why I am not already dead from the lack of sleep."
I chuckled dry at my last sentence.

„Okay I will give you a higher dose. Something helping you against you're daily anxiety, also for you're depression. You have also trust issues and I think a compulsory control problem but I don't think I have medication for that we need to work on this in our sessions."

I nod taking in all her informations.
„How offen do I have to take the medications?"

She raised her head from the note book.
„The antidepressants three times a week... and You're pills too help you sleep every night before heading to bed. Best thing is that you eat something before taking them. But you can see how it works."

I nodded once again.

„And with the problems on eating. Try it in slow paces. Don't shove it down. I know it sounds silly but you just have to try. If you don't eat the regular meals try to snack in between the day."