Y/n Stark

The mess that memories brings with it

Y/n POV
Wanda looked at me in complete shock as I told her that I was pregnant. She looked down onto the picture in her hand and up to me not knowing what to do exactly. We both were quiet and held our thoughts in. „I am so sorry Y/n. I didn't know.." yeah who did anyway. „Neither did I." I played with the sleeves of my hoodie trying to get my mind distracted. „I was 12 weeks into pregnancy when I lost them.. I didn't even know at the moment. My doctor told me and they didn't had any heart beat
w-When they found me in the lab." Wandas eyes started to fill with tears while I explained what happened. „It was my fault Wanda.." I looked down and I felt how she placed her hand on my cheek pulling my head up to face her again. „It's not. You're already fighting with so much. Don't blame yourself." I shook my head no and placed my hand on Wandas. „It was. Thomas told me to stop.. and I didn't listen. If I would have stopped he would still be here and I would have his kids. I killed them all with my actions." she didn't say anything. She knew I was right and this is something I will have to carry with me forever. „Please. Make it stop. I was desperately trying to remember everything, but now I don't want to anymore. It hurts so much. I can't take it anymore. I coped enough and now I have to do it again." I closed my eyes shut to think of anything else.

Wanda POV
She let her head rest on my Hand while she was crying again. She wants me to make it stop but I don't know how to do it. I pulled her in again holding her tight. „Think of anything that makes you happy. Just anything." she closed her eyes shut and tried to think of anything. I placed my hand in front of her forehead letting a red mist flow into her head trying to put her at ease. I feel how her body relaxed slowly into mine and she stopped crying. I didn't stop with the mist. I looked at her and realized that she put herself to sleep. No wonder why. She is so exhausted from all the emotional pain and agony that she needs to sleep. I stayed with her in this position for a while to make sure she is really asleep. After that I carried her up into her bed and tucked her into her blanket. She looked so peaceful while she was resting. I didn't want to leave her alone but I wanted to talk to Nat and tell her what I found out. As I turned around to leave I felt a hand holding onto mine. With a Sleepy voice Y/n said „stay.. please." now I couldn't leave. She wanted me there what made me smile at myself. I walked around the bed onto the other bed side and laid down next to her. There where hair strains placed over her face and I tucked them behind her ear stoking her cheek. I fell so bad for her to relieve something so traumatic a second time. Making sure that she is sleeping well I put a peaceful image into her mind. I put my head down onto the pillow and looked at her until I fell asleep.

I had a light sleep and I didn't want to drift away completely just in case something happens.. and I was right. I heard Y/n breathing a bit quicker than usual. I lifted myself up to rest on my elbows and I looked down onto Y/n. She was completely covered in sweat and breathing rapidly. Her chest rises and falls faster as she is gripping tight onto the sheets beside her. „Please don't.. don't hurt me.." she was talking to herself her voice shaky and terrified. „Y/n hey wake up." I placed my hand on her shoulder to shake it lightly but there wasn't any response.
„Stop!! No!! Don't!!" her voice got louder. I was curious and afraid of what she was dreaming so I decided to enter her mind. I don't do it usually but she isn't waking up and maybe I can bring her out of her mind if I enter it. I placed my hands on her temples and closed my eyes focusing on entering her mind. I came in and I felt pain. Not just emotional pain but also physical pain. I was in a abandoned laboratory. It was a dark and damped laboratory. I walked around the corner and what I saw was gruesome. Y/n was tightly bound to some kinda of bed and she was fighting physically and emotional to escape. People walked around and collected medical supplies. Y/n looked weak and lifeless. The restrains placed on her hands, ankles and her temples not giving her a chance to move at all. The injected her with some serum and the took a lot of blood from her making her look pale. She was so skinny that you already could see that she hasn't had a proper meal in a while. She was desperately trying to get away but she couldn't. I wanted to walk further but something stopped me from moving. I don't know what It was but I didn't had any chance to move further like something or someone was holding me back to enter further. I opened my eyes again to leave her mind. She was still laying there trapped in her Nightmare. „Y/n please wake up." I place on hand on her cheek and the other rested on her shoulder shaking it stinger this time. „Y/N!!" I pleased louder and she jumped up scream from her nightmare. She was breathing rapidly and loud trying to collect herself. „Hey it's okay. You're here now." I put my hand on her thigh squeezing it softly to sign her that she is back in reality. „I-I am sorry. I didn't mean to." she was apologizing for something absurd. „It's okay. You can't control them. It's not you're fault." she looked up at me drained in sweat and tears. „I haven't had them in a long time. I-I felt like I was trapped.." „it didn't look good in there. What happened?" she was still breathing heavy but not that fast anymore. She held in for a moment before speaking up. „It was after the accident. I just had a rough time.." she looked confused at me.
„W-wait..? Did you go into my head?" „I did yes."
„Why? I didn't let you." „I am sorry Y/n but you weren't waking up..a-and I was worried for what was going on because you were talking in you're sleep."
She moved a bit away from me and I let my hand slip away from he thigh. „No Wanda. This.. I didn't want anyone to see this. See me." she had tears in her eyes. She was disappointed and angry at me. „I had to Y/n.. I am so sorry." she was holding her tears back I could hear it in her voice. She choked on her own words. „I think you should go." my heart broke with this sentence. She doesn't want me around. I broke her trust. „I am sorry please you have to understand." she shook her head violently no. „You don't get it. I was vulnerable.. and you took advantage of it by looking inside my head. No one is supposed to see that. Even I don't want to see it but I have to." she stopped her self from talking further. „So I suggest you to leave. I need time alone." she grilled through her teeth while signing to the door. I looked her up and down. I got up and moved to the door to leave and stopped right before leaving turning around one more time seeing her still in the same position not facing me. „I am sorry.. I really am." I talked through my tears. Without facing me she said „me too.." and that way my sign to leave.

Y/n POV
I heard how she closed the door slowly. I didn't hear any foot steps at first so she was still standing at my door hesitating to leave. It took her minutes to walk away. My tears bursted out as her footsteps faded away. I know she meant it well but she invaded my privacy and saw my darkest fear. I hate being vulnerable. I was always a closed person when it comes to my emotions and thoughts. I don't talk to anybody about my state of mind no matter how messed up I am. I always find a way with not telling or showing anyone. It's not that I don't want to. It's just that I don't want to burden anyone with my stuff because everybody has something to deal with on their own. I fought through it all these years and I can do it to this time. „You're not alone anymore."
Dads words went through my mind. He was right I am not alone but at the same time I am. Everything blurred through my head. I remembered so much and two conspicuous memories appeared. The night I came back from Germany where I went to a bar and met.. Wanda. We shared a night?? I bought her into my loft and we did it? But then the night of dads party where I was her kissing Vision. What game was  she playing? I feel empathy and warm emotions for her that night we were together, but then anger and pain because she was the first one I opened up to since Thomas. While she was with someone else I was just a gab filler?!? Is she for real? And now she is with me like nothing happened. I wanted to know what she was doing and my feet carried me to her room that was down the corridor. I knocked loud and I didn't care at the moment if she was asleep or not. I heard foot steps and she opened the door immediately looking confused. „Y/n? What's wrong.?" I pushed myself through the door entering her room with anger shown all over me. „Can you tell me what game you're playing before I lose my mind completely?" she closed the door and looked at me totally confused not knowing what I mean obviously. „When I woke up from my coma.. why didn't you tell the whole story about how we met?" her eyes widen at my unexpected question. „You talked about you're Thomas and I didn't want to tell you this way. I wanted you to remember on you're own." she had a soft quiet voice looking down onto her hands while playing with her rings. „Look at me while I talk to you." I demanded her and she looked up with tears in her eyes. „And that story with vision. What was that supposed to mean." she gasped quietly catching her breath. „I don't know if I was important to you or not but you were the first person I opened up to after Thomas death. Even though I thought it was a one night stand at the moment it meant something to me. Because I felt a genuine connection." „Don't say that. You mean something to me. More than you know." I scoffed at her shaking my head no. „Clearly not. You dated this purple pop stick and still decided to go into bed with someone else. Some stranger that you met at a bar." „please
Y/n. Vision and I broke up a long time ago. I was and still am single." „and why did he kiss you that night? I think he has a different understanding of a break up.." she shook her head while crying. „I don't know why he did. It was just a moment. I was drunk and he kissed me out of nothing. It didn't mean anything. I swear." she tried to come closer but I didn't let her as I stepped back. I motioned between us. „This Wanda. This is why I don't open to anyone. Because I end up being hurt and left alone. It was a mistake letting my guard down. It won't happen again.." I didn't gave her any chance to open up more. I left before she could say anything. I had to get my mind clear and nothing in this compound is helping me with that...