Y/n Stark

I lost more

Y/n POV
My feet carried me to my room as fast as I could trying not to run. I didn't know how to process this mess but I was so surprised that I held everything in as much as I could in the meeting room. I didn't want to break down in front of them. I've already done enough by hurting Nat by leaving and by blasting Wanda through the room a couple days ago. I didn't want to be alone. But I need to be to prevent any harm to the others. I was leaning against the closed door crying endlessly. I was practically choking on my tears and hectic breathing. I still tried to hold myself together what is absolutely absurd. I have the right to be sad, angry, confused, fragile but I was still pushing everything and everyone away. Letting these emotions come to the surface makes me feel weak and if I let it out completely there won't be a going back to normal. Everything started to float back. I closed my eyes trying to concentrate on the dark but there was no dark. I saw everything. Every Memory of the last three years. Since the day I lost Thomas. Me laying afterwords in the hospital, then in the Experiment facility. Me then escaping and disappearing. Everything I felt back then. I fell it again and even more intense. However one thing hit me even more and it wasn't the fact that I lost Thomas. I lost my... our kids too. I held onto my stomach and recalled that I was pregnant. With Thomas twins. I got up from the ground and moved to my bed. I had a box under my bed with a lot of stuff from the past five years and one thing was laying most notable in the box. I picked it up and leaned against the bed frame. It was an ultrasound image. Of my twins. The baby's I carried in me. I lost them to when the Project went wrong.

*Flashback*
My eyes started to open up and I saw bright medical lights hanging above me. I looked around I saw wires and bandages placed almost everywhere on my body.
„It's good to have you back." a nice voice caught my attention immediately and I turned to the right side of my medical bed. There was a beautiful women checking in on me. „Where am I?" she narrowed her brows and looked from her folding board to me.
„Marin hospital Germany. You where out for quiet a while." she said with a light German accent. „Are you my doctor?" she nod at me changing my medicine input. „Yes miss I am. I am really sorry for you're loss." I tilted my head to think of what she means. Then the Memory of Thomas appeared in front of my eyes. „The ultrasound is everything we could get." the what? Ultrasound? Why would they get a ultrasound of Thomas? „I am sorry what do you mean by that?" she looked shocked at me not knowing exactly how to move further. She cleared her throat and started to talk. „Miss You were 12 weeks pregnant with twins when we found you unconscious. You're baby's didn't have a heart beat when we checkt on them. It was to late we're so sorry." she grabbed into her medicine smock and pulled out an ultrasound image of two small baby's. My baby's. „I had twins?" ...

The recall of this memory is on of the most painful ever. I killed them all. Thomas.. the Twins. No wonder why I felt so empty and destroyed while I didn't remember. I really lost a part of me. My kids.
I looked down onto my hands shaking while holding my ultrasound picture. I stroked above it removing the tears that fell down on it. All because I didn't listen to him. I was to stubborn and ambitious to stop the project and it guided me into this. Into all the pain and unbearable agony. Into this mess of emotions. I was crying out loud by now because I couldn't hold back anything. I pulled the picture up to my chest and wiggled back and forth crying out my soul. I heard a loud knock on the door and it made me hold my breath for a brief moment. „Y/n please Open up. It's me Wands.." her voice was angelic and tender. She hasn't said anything after that and I didn't know what to say. „Please.. Wanda.. I-I can't." I was pressing my sobbing down as hard as I could almost choking on it.
„I want to be here for you. You just gotta let me in."
She pleaded still with a soft caring voice.
„It's open." was the only thing that came out. Wanda pushed the door slightly open and walked silently into my room. My eyes are glued to the ground because I didn't want to face her. She saw me sitting on the ground leaning against the bed. She closed the door and walked to me sitting down in front of me. She was quiet. It felt like she was waiting for something. Anything. But I couldn't find any words.
She gently placed her hand on my cheek pulling my face up to look at her. Our eyes locked and we didn't look away for a second. She wiped my tears away but the kept falling. I couldn't stop. „Come here." she said stretching her arms out to pull me in. My head rested on her chest and I was sobbing loud by now. I didn't hold anything back. My system let it out completely. Everything I was trying to hold back so bad bursted out of me and it didn't stop.

Wanda POV
I don't know for how long we sat there on the ground but she needs someone now more than ever. She looked so demolished and it breaks my heart every time I see her like this. This time she wasn't holding back any emotions. She let them out completely and I fell like I came closer to her. Putting her guard down and letting me see through the walls that she builded up so high. We probably sat there what felt like hours. I wanted to say anything but I couldn't find any words. I felt like they would let her feel worse. The silence was comforting her and I let it stay that way by not talking at all. Stroking her head up and down and tightening the hug I gave her. She needs a shoulder to cry on and even tho she is in horrific conditions I am happy to be the one that is here for her. I felt how she was slowly stoping her sobbing and she released herself from the hug dividing us into two again. She wiped her salty tears away with her sleeve and looked at the hand that was still resting on her chest. She released the hand that was resting on her chest and a picture appeared. My eyes followed her hand that was reaching out to hand me something over. My eyes widen as I looked at the ultrasound image of two precious twins. I looked up at her while holding the picture and she had a almost not noticeable smile that faded away immediately after she said

„I had twins.."