Good Things Never Last

Chapter 85

Dear Diary, 23rd December, 2020

I was rummaging about under my bed and I found this old journal covered in dust. So naturally, I thought 'there's not exactly much to keep me entertained, may as well write'

I decided that after the events of yesterday, I should probably spend some time myself before I go and end up doing something irrational.

So here I am, curled up in a ball, rethinking all my life choices.

But I know one thing for certain.

I want to fucking sleep.

Dear Diary, 25th December, 2020

Merry Christmas to me, yeyyyyy.

I didn't even realise the date before I started writing.

Clay tried to talk to me today.

He sat at the other side of the door and just talked, without much purpose.

It was nice.

But I was thinking.

About how stupid this all is.

I don't know what I expected from him.

Realistically, I shouldn't have expected anything because that's how these things work.

I fall for guys that don't give a shit about me. Dream and Wilbur are prime examples.

Actually, now that I think about it, most people don't give a shit about me, so I should be used to it by now, yet it still hurts.

We tell ourselves that it's different this time, that things are going to work out for us. It's so easy to believe a lie when it's exactly what you want to hear.

We are who we are and it's about time I believed it. I just can't help but wish I didn't have to.

Dear Diary, 28th December, 2020

Food doesn't seem too appetising anymore.

I've been trying.

I really have.

I just really fucking miss everyone.

Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, Techno, Wilbur, Sapnap, George, Clay, and even fucking Punz at this point.

I don't even know if Tommy is alive, that's how bad of a sister I am.

I'm not with him when he needs me most and now he's alone once again.

With thoughts that could tip him over the edge at any moment.

I'm scared.

I can't lose him too.

Dear Diary, 31st December, 2020

I haven't been doing so well lately.

I just feel so drained and tired mentally.

I'm an absolute train wreck.

I feel like the events of the past couple of months are finally sinking in and I'm finally able to grieve for all the people and things I've lost.

On top of that, I've been feeling extremely lonely.

I miss the boy who made it his top priority to keep me here believe it or not.