My Only Hope

Chapter 1

(Hey guys! In this book nate, Sammy, jack, and jack are gunna be 18 okok)
"I.....I can't....breath" I say between breaths, hyperventilating.
"What the hell is going on?!" Sammy, my older brother says.
I kept crying, shaking, and hyperventilating.
"Mom?!" I hear sammy say into the phone even though I could barely hear anything from all the thought tumbling into my head.
"It's Lilly, we don't know what's happening, she's hyperventilating and crying and we don't know what's wrong" he says.
"Okay" he says and hangs up walking and sitting by me.
"Just breath okay" he says trying to calm me down.
"I'm....dying!" I manage to say, as my breath starts to slow down.
"Please breath Lilly" he says putting his hand on mine.
"I'm trying..." I say quietly taking in deep breath as our mom walks through the door.
"What's going on?" She asks sitting in front of me.
I looked up to Sam for him to talk.
"She started crying and hyperventilating, and shaking, and saying she was dying" he says panicking to get it all out as fast as he could.
"Oh god.." My mm says putting her head in her hands.
"What?" Sam asks.
"Sweetly you had a panic attack. She says looking at me.
"W-what is that?" I ask my voice cracking. I've heard of it before but I never really knew what it was.
"It's what happens when you have anxiety and panic and it makes your body react into a panic attack" she says
"And..? Is it done for?" I ask.
"Well just have to see.." She says. "It could stop or it could continue"
"And what if it continues?..." I ask.
"We will go to the doctors." She states.
"Okay...." I lean back into the couch.
"I really need to get back to work" she says and leaves.
"That was so scary.." I say quietly and Sammy looks at me.
"God that was terrifying" he says hugging me.
"Could you get me some water?" I ask and he nods and goes to get some water.
"here" he says handing me the cup and sitting next to me. His hands were shaking and he kept tapping his feet to the ground.
"Calm down" I say to him.
"I'm calm I just got really scared for you" he says.
"I'm fine, sam" I say and he smiles slightly.
"Do you want me to cancel the guys, cause I can if you want me to" he says taking out his phone.
"No it's fine" I say.
"Well then they'll be here any minuet, so you might wanna wipe all that messed up makeup off before they get here" he laughs.
"I'm too worn out to get up...will you get the makeup wipes for me Pwetty pweez?" I ask.
"Fine" he groans and leaves the room.
The door opens and in piles johnson nate and gilinsky.
"Woah what happend to you?" Gilinsky asks, as I forgot I had makeup ran down my face and I was scrunched up in the couch.
"Nothing um, I just" I got cut off by Sammy walking into the room.
"She was reading a really sad fanfiction" Sammy says throwing the makeup wipes to me and I mouth a thankyou to him while the guys weren't looking.
"Fangirls" johnson laughs.
"Shut up we have a hard life" I laugh wiping the smeared makeup off my face.
"You need help up to your room?" Sammy asks me quietly.
"Bro she has two legs" gilinsky says.
"I'm fine, sam" I say and get up slowly. I could barely walk considering my legs were numb from hyperventilating.
I slowly walked to the stair case and started going up pushing my weight on the rail.
"What the hell is up with her?" Nate asks quietly. I pretended not to hear and got to the top, stopping to listen.
"She just is having a hard time okay, it's not a big deal" Sammy says trying to get out of talking about what happend moments before they got here.
"Okay jeez man" nate says noticing the aggravation in his voice.
I heard them start to walk upstairs so I went into my room, shutting the door quietly and laying on my bed.
I honestly wish I had a close friend that I could call and talk to, like a girl. But Sammy is my best friend. We've been super close our whole lives, well my whole life since he's two years older than me.
And the other guys, well I'm best friends with johnson. He knows me better than my own brother pretty much. Gilinsky likes being a douche to me, but it's just kinda brother sister fights. And nate is more to himself, but were friends. I never really make friends with other people because every time I have, they only wanted to be friends with me because 'my brother and his friends are soooooo hot' yuck. I can't imagine my best friends and brother being 'hot' or 'cute'.
So my whole life I've been stuck with these losers, but I love them.
I hear a knock on my door.
"Who is it?" I ask
"Sam" he says.
"Kay come in" I say.
"How're you feeling?" He asks shutting the door.
"A little better" I say.
"The guys keep asking what's going on with you, johnson especially" he says.
"I don't want them to know" I say.
"Not even johnson? Dude you and jack are the closest friends ever and you don't feel comfortable telling him?" He asks.
"Maybe later" I say playing with my fingers.
"Okay.." He says and leaves the room.
I decided to go on a walk.
I got up and put my shoes on and went to sams room. The door was open so I just walked in.
"I'm going on a walk sam" I say.
"By yourself?" Sam asks.
"I'll go with you" johnson says and gets up.
"Okay.." I say not excited for all the questions I knew he was going to ask.
We walked out the door and started walking down the road.
"Spill" johnson says, and I did the only thing I thought to do. Act oblivious.
"Spill what?" I ask.
"You acted like you cried over a fanfiction and could barely walk, and unlike everyone else I saw that you were shaking in your body and voice" he says. I honestly wanted to tell him but I couldn't, I can't, and I won't.
"It was a very emotional book" I laugh.
"Lilly" he says looking at me and we stop.
"What?" I ask
"C'mon I think we both know you're trying to hide something from me." He says.
"I'm really not, you're over reacting" I say continuing to walk.
"Do you have a desiese" he asks
"Way to jump to conclusions johnson, but no" I say.
"Then what?" He asks.
"To be honest I don't even really know myself" I say.
"What is that suppose to mean?" Could he just leave it alone already.
"I don't know what wrong with me okay!" I say and started to cry.
"I'm sorry Lilly.." He says and hugs me.
"It's fine can we just go home?" I ask.
"Yeah let's go" he says and puts his arm around me as we go home. In a friendly way of course.
We walk back home and as we walk through the door all the guys are sitting there.
"You okay Lilly?" Sam asks noticing I cried, again.
"I'm fine" one of the worlds most biggest lies slipped my mouth.
"Well talk later go get cleaned up were going to get something to eat" he says and I nod going upstairs. I wipe my face and reapply some simple mascara. I put eye drops in since they hurt from crying and went downstairs.
"Kay let's go" gilinsky says grabbing his keys. And nate grabs his.
Everyone went in gilinskys car. "Lilly come with me so I'm not lonely" nate says doing a puppy dog face and I laugh and get in his car.
I rarely was alone with Nate, but when I was we would go absolutely crazy doing whatever we wanted, Sammy doesn't trust me to be with nate without him because he thinks nates a 'bad influence' which, yeah. I can agree he kinda is.
We drove to Panera and as usual I stuck close to Johnson's side because it's pretty common that I get scared in public places.
We sit at a table and the guys eat their food, me being myself, I got mine to go. I haven't felt comfortable eating in front of strangers for a while now.
We get back in the car and this time I go with the jacks and Sammy goes with Nate because they had to have 'an important conversation' when they are most likely going to fight over what video game to play when they get back.
I was up front with johnson because I booted gilinsky in the back. This was something that happened a lot, and out of ALL the things me and gilinsky fight over, the front seat was the biggest one.
We got to the house and I couldn't believe who was standing there.
"Look" I said looking down and the jacks looked to see my ex boyfriend, Jayden. Standing there looking as stupid as ever.
I get out of the car and he walks up to me but Sammy comes up and stands between me and him.
"And why the hell are you here?" Sammy asks.
"Bro back up I just came to talk to lilly" Jayden says and johnson pulls me back knowing how aggressive Jayden got with me when we were together.
"Don't call me bro and no you're not talking to her" Sam says.
"Lilly come on babe are you really going to make your brother do this?" He asks.
"Why gives you the idea you can call us titles that we aren't?" I ask.
"Well would you rather me not? Guess I'll just call you what you really are slut" he says.
"Don't call my sister a slut" Sam states.
"Oh sorry I left whore out too." He says
I felt a lump in my throat, and my heart pace was quickening by The second.
"Sammy" I say and he looks back at me and some how by my face he knew.
"I don't have time for your crap" he says to Jayden and rushes me inside.
The guys followed and shut the door.
"Go upstairs" Sam says to the guys.
"Why-" Nate says
"Go" Sam says and they listen and go upstairs.
I started to hyperventilate like before. I was shaking and crying. My heart was racing.
"Breath Lilly, slow your breathing please" he says noticing that it was getting worse.
After about 9 minuets it started to calm down. And my breathing was finally back to normal.
"Do you want the guys to leave.?" He asks.
"No it's fine" I say. "Just please don't tell them"
"Okay..." He says quietly.
"They can come down" I say.
*jack Johnson's pov* we've been sitting up in Sammy's room for a few minuets now and I can only hear mumbles.
"I'll be back" I say to the guys and leave the door. I go stand next to the stair case and heard Lilly hyperventilating and crying.
"Breath Lilly, slow your breathing please" I hear Sammy say in a worried tone.
I go back into the room. I knew exactly what was going on with her, but why would she hide it from me, I mean I know Sammy is her brother but were just as close as her and Sammy.
"Guys you can come down now!" We hear Sammy yell and we all walk down.
"seriously what is going on?" Nate asks.
"Can we please not talk about it" Sam says.
"Whatever" nate responds.
We spent the next hour at their house just hanging out until we left.
I was really worried about Lilly, and I was determined to get her to feel comfortable telling me.