My Only Hope

Chapter 3

"I need to know Sam, I care about Lilly just as much as you and jack" he says and honestly I don't know if I should tell him or not.
"Look, I really shouldn't tell you..you can't tell anyone" I say and he nods.
"She's been having panic attacks and that's why she's going to the doctors tomorrow" I say.
"Well what do you think is causing this?" He asks.
"I think it could be Jayden but I'm not sure" I say.
"He's gunna get his ass beat" nate says.
"Why are you so concerned anyways?" I ask.
"Like I said, I care about her just as much as everyone else does." He says.
"Okay.." I respond.
"Let me know how the appointment goes?" He asks.
"Yeah I'll text you" I say and he leaves.
*next morning*
*lillys pov*
"Lilly you need to be ready in an hour" my mom said coming in my room.
"Okay mom" I respond. I threw on some black leggings and a oversized tope sweater and my favorite vans. I left my hair in its natural brown waves and I was ready.
My notifications sound went off and I checked the text.
Johnson💩: hey Lilly, wanna come over after your appointment?
L- sure:)
Johnson💩: hope everything goes well xx
L- thanks💜
I locked my phone and went downstairs.
"Why is Sam coming?" I ask gesturing towards him.
"He was the one there when it happend" my mom explains and I nod my head and we go to the car.
We get to the doctors office and walk in. Me and Sam sit down while my mom goes up to the desk.
L- I'm nervous😰
Johnson💩: don't be, Lilly. They're just going to talk to you.
L- and tell me what? You know I hate not knowing what's going to happen.
Johnson💩: calm down, you'll be fine.
L- I guess..
My name was called and I walked back with Sam and my mom.
"Hello I'm doctor jackson" the woman said shaking our hands.
"So tell me what's going on" she says.
"Well I started having panic attacks" I say.
"When did they start?" She asks.
"Two days ago" I respond.
"Do you mind if I ask your mother and brother to leave?" She asks.
"Can I keep my brother, please" I ask.
"Sure" she says and my mom leaves the room.
"Have you had any major changes in your life in the past few years, big moves, family death, bad relationships, abuse.." She says naming things.
"Um, I uh, had a bad relationship" I say.
"Can you tell me about that?" She asks.
"Um, he was really mentally abusive and that went on for a while and I though it would calm down...but he turned on me and got physically abusive.." I say quietly.
"Do you feel comfortable telling me how so he got physically abusive?" She asks.
"Um..." I was hesitant.
"Lilly she's asking this to help you. Remember that." Sam says.
"Okay..well he was really angry at me because I was hanging out with my best friend, jack, too much. He started yelling at me and then he started to hit me, he had me on the floor hitting me and I couldn't get up. That went for a while until Sam walked in, he pulled him off me and we left. And I still have to see him around town" I say.
"What happens when you see him around town?" She asks.
"I get really scared, I barely can handle leaving the house much after that, but when I do I'm always with Sam and my friends, Jayden is constantly making rude comments to me like calling me a whore and stuff" I explain.
"Okay..does your mom know about this?" She asks.
"Kinda yeah" I say.
"Okay can you bring her back in?" She asks and I nod and get her and bring her in.
"I would say that considering what has happened, Lilly has anxiety and panic disorder" the doctor says.
"And treatment?" My mom asks.
"I'd say start the therapy rout" she says and my mom nods.
"Would you like a referral?" She asks.
"Actually I think well talk about it and we will get back with you" my mom says.
"Okay well thanks for coming in and I'll hear from you later she says and we leave.
"Mom can you drop me off at the jacks?" I ask.
"Yeah" she says and we drive to the jacks house.
"Bye" I say as her and Sam drive away. I walk in because I haven't knocked in a long time.
"Where johnson?" I ask gilinsky who was sitting on the couch.
"Upstairs" he says not looking away from his phone.
As I walk past I glance at his phone.
"Victoria's Secret models, way out of your league" I say
"Says the one who's all over Luke hemmings" he says and I laugh going upstairs.
"HELLOOOOO" I say walking in Johnson's room.
"Hey so how'd it go?" He asks as I sit down.
"Well, she said I have anxiety and panic disorder" I say uncomfortably.
"And you're still the same Lilly I was friends with yesterday" he says
"Don't get all mushy on me johnson" I laugh.
"Yeah that did get a bit mushy didn't it" he laughs.
"They want me to get a therapist" I say.
"And? I think that will be good for you" he says.
"No I don't like talking to people about my problems, not even nate or gilinsky know anything why would I tell a stranger?" I say.
"Because they can help you" he says.
"But still, I'd rather tell eyebrows before a therapist" i say.
"Well he's going to find out sooner or later" jack points out.
"I know.." I sigh.
"You really don't like jack don't you?" He laughs.
"We have a love hate relationship" I explain.
"I've noticed" he comments.
"Well you're going to tell nate aren't you?" He asks.
"Why?" I ask.
"Because he's kinda a person you shouldn't mind telling" jack says.
"Well, I don't know" I say.
"Don't stress it" he says and my hoping rings.
L- what do you want Sam?
S- mom wants you home. Jack can come if he wants.
L- Kay yeah bye
I hang up.
"I gotta go wanna come?" I ask.
"Yeah let me grab my keys." He says.
He gets his keys and we walk downstairs.
"Bye eyebrows" I say and we walk out the door.
"I bet anything my moms already picked out a therapist by the time we get there" I complain
We get to the house and go inside.
"Sweetly I found a therapist!" My mom cheers.
"Said so" I say and johnson laughs.
"Her name is Jaclyn and she sounds really nice" she says.
"Mom I don't want a therapist" I say.
"Why? She could help you" she questions
"I'd rather just talk to my friends when I'm upset" I say.
"But they can't help you" my mom says being the stubborn person she is.
"Really? Cause as I recall when I had a panic attack Sam helped me calm down. When I was upset I talked to jack and when Jayden kept being rude at the bowling alley nate helped me. they do help" I say proving a point.
"Fine for now, but don't think you're fully getting out of it" she says and I roll my eyes.
"Yeah whatever" I say.
"Hey I'll just text you later I'm really not in the mood for people right now" I say turning to jack.
"Call if you need to talk" he smiles and leaves.
"See mom, my friends actually do help." I say and go up to my room.
I get on my phone.
Nate: hey can we talk?
L- about?
Nate: like can you come over so we can talk.
L- I'm honestly not really in the mood.
Nate: why?
L- my moms being rude, but what are you wanting to talk about??
Nate: I'll be over in 10.
I locked my phone and waited for Nate.
After a good 25 minuets he showed up.
"Be there in 10" I said and he laughed.
"I have a very good reason for being late though" he says sitting next to me handing me a bag.
"And this is why you're my favorite" I say pulling all the candy out.
"I thought Johnson was your favorite?" He asks
"He was but you are now" I laugh.
"Okay before I say what I'm going to say you have to promise to not get mad at sam" he says and a million thoughts went through my mind.
"Okay.." I say.
"He told me about what's been happening" he says.
"Of course he did" I say sitting back.
"You're not mad?" He asks.
"No I should have known it wouldn't stay secret for long it's Sam!" I say
"And are you okay?" He asks
"Yeah I think I just made that pretty obvious" I respond.
"No I meant with what's going on.." He says.
"Oh, well I mean it's not the most fun thing ever, but I'll live" I say and he gives me a frown. "Why do you care?" I ask.
"Because I care about you?" He says.
"Well yeah but like I didn't think this would be something you'd really want to talk to me about" I say.
"Why not?" He asks
"I don't know I normally talk to johnson about stuff like this, it's different saying it to you" I say.
"Yeah I can see that because he's constantly in your business." Nate comments.
"How so?" I laugh.
"Whenever were hanging out without you he's saying stuff like 'maybe I should text Lilly and see how she is' and 'have you heard from Lilly today' and it goes on the whole time until you two are together again." He says.
"Well that's just because were best friends" I say and nate laughs.
"What?" I ask.
"Okay, you're officially stupid" he says.
"What how?" I say confused.
"Dude johnson literally has had this huge crush on you for like, ever, isn't it obvious?" He says.
"He does not" I say.
"Lilly, he's constantly talking about you, and when he's not he's hanging out with you, he has to make sure your safe and he is constantly talking to you" he points out.
"That doesn't mean anything" I say.
"Wow you really don't understand love" he laughs.
"I understand that he loves me as a friend" I say.
"Lilly johnson" he says looking into space and I laugh.
"Never gunna happen" I say.
"Only in Johnson's dreams" he says.
"You're a freak" I say.
"I know" he agrees.
"I'm going to do something" he says taking out his phone.
"What?" I ask.
"Let's play a trick on little johnson" he says and puts his phone on speaker
J- hey man
N- hey did you hear?
J- hear what?
N- that me and Lilly are together
J- what the hell?
N- what?
J- dude you know I freaking like her and you do this?
N- calm down it's a joke I wanted to see how you'd react.
J- I hate you don't do that
N- would you really be mad tho if I was with her?
J- yeah, I mean I constantly talk about her so that'd be a asshole move
N- okay bye
He hangs up and I'm sitting there in shock.
"Proof enough?" He asks.
"Um, yeah..." I say awkwardly.
"Do you like him?" He asks sounding like a 13 year old girl.
"Nate, since when are you interested in this?" I ask
"Answer the question" he says.
"I don't know...I might but it's that we've been best friends for so long it's be weird to up and start dating you know" I say.
"No it wouldn't me, jack, and Sam always notice how you two act together, its going to happen sooner or later" he says.
"I don't think so.." I laugh.
"Okay ask jack to hang out tomorrow and actually pay attention to how he treats you" he says and gets up.
"Whatever" I laugh
"Night" he says.
"Night" I say back and he leaves.
I can't believe what just happend.
Johnson likes me?
I never really thought about if I liked him..
It's always just been 'best friends'
Well with me anyways..
My thoughts kept going until I fell asleep.