ILYSB (it hurts)

[𝟺𝟼] crushed veneer

TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of suicide, blood and other graphic scenarios that may be uncomfortable for some. Read at your own risk.

Josephine

The flight and drive to Jonah's dorm actually was smoother than the last time we were here. I try not to give indication that I've already landed. Although I've already texted Jonah a million times, asking where he's at. I decide to roam the place since it's still too early. I really wanted to check other hangout places Jonah mentioned when we were here. It's almost 6 pm and I strolled through the food district they have here. Thankful for Google Maps, I was able to check out really cool stuff and places here.

I dial Jonah's number again and still, there's no answer. I just wish there's no girl in his dorm or else that will be super awkward.

I don't want to ever walk in on him like that. I stare at the sky and it's full of stars. We might even do stargazing. I smile at the thought. I missed those times we did stargaze from our tree house and Jonah would tell me all the constellations and we're actually looking at dead bodies of gas. Well, I was too young to even care. They sparkled so I was mesmerized. Until now.

I grab soda on my way to the dorm and people are smiling at me. People in this campus seems to be so friendly. I sip from my cup and look around, the trees are towering me, leaves swaying softly to the wind. It's incredibly hot today but it's also windy so I can let my hair down and feel it.

I pull out my phone again and expect a text from Jonah but still nothing. I tell myself he's just too busy. I should just text him I'm in his dorm when I get there. He hides his key in a small space between the walls. A hiding spot but definitely not worth it. His key can slip further below.

I send him a text, telling him that I'm here and I will let myself in since he doesn't reply. I pocket it and entered his building. I walk towards the end hall where his room would be, on the third floor.

A few students are bickering in the hallway and stopped when they noticed me. They turn and walk away to the opposite side. Must be some topic no one should hear about. I scan the rooms and try to remember Jonah's. Turns out I didn't need to since he keeps a dream catcher on his door.

I pat on the space and find his key but still I knocked. Three times.

"Jonah?" The hallway is not as quiet the last time Hero and I were here but I suppose everyone's trying to do their own thing.

I knock again, just in case, although I already slipped the key and turn the knob. I stepped inside and the room is at its usual. Jonah has always been messy but I guess boys are in general. Hero's room looks like this too.

I round the corner and see my brother is still in bed. This bugger didn't even hear my calls and text. I jump on the bed to wake him, hoping to startle him awake but then the blanket slide off from his body and all I found was blood pooling from both his arms. I didn't know how long I stood there but my brain completely stopped working. When I regained my senses, I grabbed towels from his bathroom and tried applying pressure on both wounds. The blood turning the towel red should make me gag but it didn't. There's so much blood. My hands are now covered with it.

"Jonah? Jonah?" I slap him, wishing he would respond. I scream his name over and over. His face is pale, his lips are cracking, his eyes are closed shut. Why won't they fucking open?!

And that's when everything happened in slow motion, everything feels surreal, every movement I make feels like I'm not doing it. There are moments in your like where you feel like your soul has left your body, maybe a roller coaster ride for the first time or that first sweet kiss. But this, this is different. My whole body shakes from the sight of my brother. People are coming over like a blur. I must've left the door open.