ILYSB (it hurts)

[𝟸𝟸] the morning after

Josephine

Fuck.

Funny enough, it's what we've been doing ever since 10 pm last night until 3 am in the morning. I think I don't have the energy to even stand up but I know Phoebe will ask questions. When I told my parents I have to talk to Hero, they gave each other that knowing look. They love Hero so much so just a hint of us being together or just a whiff of being in a relationship, they will gladly take it. I just don't know if Jonah feels the same. My phone vibrates from the bedside table and I looked at Hero beside me, he's still asleep with his mouth slightly open. I don't know what to do about the situation. My first time turned out to be such an amazing experience. I think I won't be able to talk about it for years.

When I check my phone, I realized mine wasn't ringing but Hero's phone does. I am never a nosy person but his phone is facing up and it lights up whenever someone would call. And I can't help but not read the incoming messages.

One says "mom" and the others are just labelled "Sam".

I heard you're back at Aspen!

One text said and then another came in.

It's been so nice of you to bring me up there. I hope we can do it again.

The heart emoji almost stares at me and grown a face and that face is smirking at me. I grab my phone and check the time. 7:03 am. Then I checked my messages. One is from my Dad, telling me they just landed back in America with a picture of them in the plane. One is from Phoebe sending me all the food places I can order from once she's out of Aspen. It just hit me that I still have five more days with this asshole.

I mentally slap myself. I shouldn't have done that. Now, I'm stuck between his psycho girlfriend and the guilt I need to carry so Knox can't know.

I stand naked, trying not to make too much noise but it's hard when the wooden floor is creaky. It makes a damn noise with little movements I make.

I was able to pick up all my clothes from the floor. I cringe at how the memories of last night and this morning is forever etched in my mind.

Stupid!

I walk cautiously to the bathroom and put my clothes on, my center still sore from everything we did. A painful reminder that I need to actually stay away from Hero now. This was a lapse of sanity. The more I think about him taking my virginity, the more I want to slap my face hard. This will be that one awkward moment I would carry for the rest of my life.

I had sex with him! Oh God! On my freaking birthday!

Awkwardness turns into a panic attack and I splash water on my face. My hair looks like a mess and I have three red spots on my neck and when I lift my sweater, there are a few on my stomach and my breast. I don't even want to see my whole body right now.

"Jo?" Hero's faint voice from outside called out to me.

"Josephine!" He called out to me again. I muster the courage to step outside and face him, which now I feel more awkward than ever.

He stared at my full clothed body, hiding a smile. "Why are you all dressed up?"

"I need to leave..." is all I can say. I don't even know how to look him in the eye. I'm just so disgusted with myself.

"What?" He asked, forming a crease on his forehead.

"I think I should stay in a hotel or an inn tonight." I said, almost a whisper.

"Fuck no!" He stood up from the bed and pulled on the jeans he wore. "Why are you acting this way?"

My eyes went straight to his bare chest and can't help but think about all the things we did. What he did to me. Hero has been a girl magnet since he came here so I wasn't really surprised he'd be this experienced at sex. I mean, I don't have anything to compare it so this is probably the best sex I had. There was no awkwardness between us. Everything just felt spontaneous and real and I'm so scared.