ILYSB (it hurts)

[𝟸𝟺] confused as fuck

Josephine

I look down at my hands and it's a glass keychain. A Ryukin fish keychain to be exact. My heart warms at his gesture and his words keeps repeating everything in my head.

If you want to forget what we just did, I will do it

Even though I want to, I can't. Hero has been very gentle with me and always asks if it's okay or if I feel comfortable, except for this one time in the morning he was a bit rough with me. But I loved it. I loved his two sides. And I don't know how can I ignore that feeling.

When it comes to relationships, I always thought of my past boyfriends as not serious. Except for the fact I break up with them just to jump onto another one, I think I did it because I wanted Hero to see. I hated the way he's very popular among the girls. My cheer team has a crush on him. Hell, even the whole damn school has a crush on him.

He's very charming with the girls and one of the things that scares me is I'll be the center of attention when I pursue this with him. He's team captain and I'm also captain of the cheer team. I already have people snicker behind me for days when I got with Knox but how much more if it was him? If it was Hero?

I keep asking myself questions I don't even know the answer to. I feel like I'm just making myself believe things that wasn't really there. Or was it the fact that he also cares about me? I feel so confused. Very confused because I learned to hate him throughout the years but with just one kiss in his filthy room, my head is all fucked up.

I slump my body on the bed, feeling my weight sink in, I contemplate on how I should take things with him. Because once I say yes to this, there will be no turning back. My hand instinctively goes to my lips, tracing my fingers on it like he does and I feel my body warm with tension. Sexual tension even though he's not in the room.

My hormones is betraying me at this point and I can't do anything about it. I wished Jonah were here to make light of this situation like he always does. But knowing Jonah, he's a huge Hero fan. I think my parents will actually marry us off when they eventually find out about us. They are that supportive. They treat Hero like their own so I know they will take this news rather happily.

I wanted to go back to the lake and I already memorized the route when we drove up there so I know I won't be lost. I would want to go inside the cabin and the treehouse there but only Hero keeps the key and I don't want to talk to him right now.

So, I put on my jacket, pocket my phone and some cash, my earphones in another pocket and started walking towards the woods hoping I can see the sunset by the lake.

I walked past some bushy trails but all in all, this is one of the places I can definitely can come back to, again and again. Mostly, the houses in Aspen are more cabin like but a few modern homes I see when we were in the car. I breathe in the crisp air, hugged myself and now I'm craving for some hot chocolate.

I'm five minutes away from the lake and the treehouse and I couldn't be more excited. I always love being surrounded by nature. I always feel calm and collected after being in nature. I just wish I can do more once I'm in college. Or travel more when I have my own paycheck. Jonah always tells me we need to travel more together once I'm out of high school. Because he's really expecting me to follow him to UMass but then I have higher ambitions more than that. I wanted to go to Paris, maybe learn fashion, design or anything that will tickle my mind. I've always loved vintage and comes with that is structured creativity I always crave.

Jonah took up Business Management, wanting to produce his own films one day. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd switch into a different course the next, I talk to him because he's that fickle minded. He's more woman minded than I am but I always loved that about him. When he's doing something, he's so passionate about it. He's not going to stop until he gets it.