The Way You Make Me Feel [z.m.]

Again

November 1

It was the first day of November. I still haven't gotten through everything. The warmth. The skin. The tender kisses. The feeling of safety. Everything. It feels like whenever I try to get better, the world keeps pushing me down.

I haven't heard of him. We haven't made contact ever since that day when my world ended. The only thing I knew was that he was happy with his doll. Screw him. He can go to hell with her for all I care.

No, you don't wish that Mackenzie, I told myself. You miss him. And it's true. I miss him. With all my heart I miss the beautiful guy that I fell in love with who acted like a goof on our first date. How he tried to wrap his arm around my shoulder while watching Spiderman without me noticing but somehow dropped my soda on my jeans. How he parked infront of my house and tried to kiss me but failed when he pushed on the radio and the speakers were on full blast.

Tears started falling from the thought of the memory. I can't do this. Why can't I move on like he did? You're supposed to be strong Mackenzie. You're supposed to show him that you're better without him.

But I'm not. Without him I'm nothing.

Before he came into my life, I felt like nothing and I was nothing. I was making music but it still didn't make sense to me, the thought of love. I have had boyfriends before him but they never made me feel like I did. They basically used me to either get famous, or make out with a hot chick.

Zayn though. My heart jumped at the thought of his name. He made me feel safe in his arms. He made me feel like we were the only ones in this world. He made me feel like I was his one and only. He was protective, afraid of me getting hurt. He showed me love by looking in his eyes and seeing the sincerity in them. His kisses showed how much he cared for me. His hugs made me feel like he would do anything for me to feel protected.

Something changed though. He changed. He hasn't been the same Zayn that I fell in love with. He was serious all the time. He didn't act childish or played around. We barely had any funny conversations anymore. He didn't care how he looked or what people thought of him. The old Zayn wouldn't give a shit.

Guess there's nothing I can do about it. He wasn't mine anymore.

We haven't gone our twitter we made for both of us to use. The last time was when we made the twitcam. The time when we were being playful and careless. I haven't talked to his family either. I missed them too. Safaa, Waliyha, Doniya. His parents. I had Colby. He was my comfort now. He was the one I went to when I needed someone. Sure he was a dog, but I felt like he understood what I felt. He knew the pain I felt.

I feel like I should have some things off my chest. I got off my bed that I layed on and walked over to my mini studio across from my room in my pajamas. I needed to sing.

----

' hands over my head thinking what else could go wrong? Would've stayed in bed, how can a

day be so long? Never believed that things happened for a reason but how this turned out,

removed all my doubts, I believe that for you I'll do it all over again, do it all over again, all I

went through, led me to you, so I'd do it all over again, for you, I missed the first train, stood

out in the rain all day, little did I know, when I caught the next train, there you were to sweep

me away, guess that's what I've waited for, Never believed that things happened for a reason

but how this turned out, removed all my doubts, I believe that for you I'll do it all over again, do

it all over again, all I went through, led me to you, so I'd do it all over again, (ooh) who ever

thought a day gone so wrong, would turn out so lovely, I'm so glad I found you, even though

the day went so wrong, I wouldn't change a thing (yeah, yeah, oh I'll do it) I'll do it all over

again, do it all over again, all i went through led me to you, so I'd do it all over again (yeah,

yeah oh), I'll do it all over again (I'd do it all over, I'll do it all over) , do it all over again (I'd do

it all over for you, for you), all I went through, led me to you (all I went through, it led me to

you), so I'd do it all over again (over again), who ever thought a day gone so wrong, could

turn out so lovely, who ever thought a day gone so wrong, could turn out so lovely'

As the music drifted off, I heard clapping outside of the studio. Putting the headphones on the stand, I walked outside of the booth to see my dad leaning against the doorframe clapping.

"That was amazing." He said, leaning off the doorframe.

I stood in my place ,standing. "Thanks."

"Come on, I need to show you something." He gestured outside to his room he moved into a day ago after I told him he could stay in with his head. He walked into his room with me following behind him. He opened the door letting me in. I walked inside standing next to his bed.

"What is it?"He didn't say anything. Instead, he went inside his closet and pulled out something with his hand. A painting?

"Look." He said. He held out the painting for me to take.

I grabbed it with my hand and turned it around. It was a painting of a woman. Wait, I've seen this picture before. I remember there was a picture of this. A woman taking a selfie while the pyramids were in the background. I knew that woman very well. "Mom." I whispered.

My dad nodded. "Days before it happened."

Tears started forming in my eyes and dropping down my cheeks. "She wrote a letter. Telling us that this was her favorite place in the world. She wanted to bring us here so we could experience it together."

My finger ran over her face. Her light pink cheeks that I got from her. Her dark brown hair that she never cut because it was that precious to her. Her pale lips that she used to kiss me and my dad.

"She's so beautiful. It looks just like her." I whispered. "Who made this?"

"I did. I've never told you this before but from aside of your mom taking pictures of the wonders of the world, I loved to paint them. I found this picture a few days ago in the boxes we kept in the basement and had the urge to draw it."

"You did a great job." I admired at how detailed he painted everything.

"I want you to keep it."

"Really?" I looked over at him.

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Thank you." I gave him a small smile. "She would've loved it." I added.

He nodded again. He didn't want to speak when we spoke of her. I could tell he wanted to cry. He still felt the pain of her gone. "Look, I want you to know that I understand what you're going through. The pain, missing someone, everything. I went through the same thing. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. If you need to talk to someone, know that I'll be here to listen to everything you have to say. I know we haven't had the best relationship a daughter and father should have but it's not too late. I made mistakes in my life that I regret. But it's okay to start over. You have to remember to stay strong and move on. That's how we become strength. Accepting the fact that someone's out of your life and having to move on. Just know that everything will get be okay and that it'll get better. Your mom is looking down upon you and seeing how talented and strong of a daughter she has. She's proud of how far you've come with everything you've went through at such a young age. Even though she's gone, she's still here in our hearts. You have me now. And I'll be the best father that anyone could ask for. I'll be better for you. You are my only family and it's my job to be here for you."

I ran across the room with the painting in my hand and embraced him tightly while we both cried. He wrapped his arms around me and cried in my shoulder. "I missed you daddy."

"I missed you too honey." He whispered. "You have no idea." After we stopped crying, he wrapped an arm around me and smiled. "Enough crying for now. Come on, grandma says breakfast is done."

I smiled and walked with him to the kitchen happy that I at least has someone back in my life.