A Glimpse Into My Brain

Jealousy

I'm jealous of my brother
That makes me seem like an asshole
I know it does
That's why I can't tell anyone
He deserves the good things that have happened to him
But I'm still jealous

It's the little things that I'm jealous of
Not even the big things like getting new electronics
The little things like,
Having the cake he wants on his birthday
Having our mum at home and feeling well for his birthday
Being able to get mad and show his emotions without obvious fear
Not having chronic pain
Being in the correct body

This is still making me sound like an ass
I know that
And I'm sorry
I don't know how to stop it though

His luck makes me want to cry
He deserves it
His luck
The good things
But I used to think I deserved it to
I now know that I don't
But I still want the things he gets
And I'm sorry for being like this

(14/6/21)