TW: self harm
It's weird
I can be having a good day
I can think I'm happy
I can actually enjoy things for a moment
But then something happens
It doesn't have to be big
Or nothing actually has to happen
And I start wanting to do it
I start thinking about it nonstop
To be fair it's always on my mind
It never leaves completely
An incessant itching at the back of my mind
But when it comes into my conscious mind is when it gets dangerous
That's when it won't leave until I do it
Until I cut or burn my skin good enough to feel the right amount of pain
It's annoying
But I'm used to it
So I can usually keep things under control till I'm alone
I also have things I can do in plain sight
That wouldn't make anyone bat an eye
Things that seem so simple
That no one would ever think that I could be doing it to feel pain
Leaning on a hot car
Leaning on or touching anything metal in summer
Chugging pop to feel the burning feeling in my throat
Scratching at my skin
Banging into something
Things so simple no one would notice
Things I can do if someone finds out and takes away my tools
Ways that never make the urge go away
But make it possible to deal with until I can do something
Worse?
Or better?
I'm not sure which one it is anymore
(1/7/21)
YOU ARE READING
A Glimpse Into My Brain
PoetryMy jumbled up brain written out in poetry Please read the note in the book before reading
