A Glimpse Into My Brain

Hurt

TW: self harm & thoughts of hurting people

If I don't hurt myself I will hurt others
I always want to hurt people
People I know
Strangers I meet
I've always wanted to hurt people
I used to actually listen to the voices

I'm terrified of who I was
I'm terrified of who I am
I can't make the thoughts go away though
They keep coming back
No matter what I do
No matter how many time I listen to their promises
They promise to leave if I just do certain things
But usually the thing is actually hurting the person
Following through with the thought
Or turning them on me
Hurting myself so I don't hurt others

They don't deserve the things I want to do
So I'll just turn the thoughts inwards
Force myself to take the thoughts out on my skin or mind
It's better than hurting others
I don't care how many scars I create if it makes them stay safe from me

(25/6/21)