A Glimpse Into My Brain

Lost

My brain feels lost
My brain feels chaotic
I can't let anything out
I can't let anything in
Anything or anyone

I want to show them who I really am
But what would they do?
What would they think?
Would they hate me?
Hug me?
Hit me?

I don't know what to expect
It feels wrong to expect anything
People don't usually meet people like me
I have a friend like me though
Sort of two
One of them is closer to how my brain works
I love them

I'm scared to tell them everything  though
What if they hate me?
I'd understand it
Of course I would
But it would still hurt
It would still take away what's left of my heart

So I can't tell them
Can't or won't?
Both?

I'm scared to tell them
I think they might understand
But if they knew they'd know how to destroy me
They already do

But if they knew what I want to tell them
And they hated me for it
They could destroy me in a heartbeat
A couple of words
Then I would be left as a pile of ash on the floor
A story you lock away because it's inappropriate to tell
Someone you'd rather just forget about

(23/7/21)