A Glimpse Into My Brain

Please Dad

TW: light verbal transphobia

"It's also girls vs. boys"
"I'm not a girl"
"Yeah, I know that but- you know what I mean"
"Yeah..."

2 minutes later
"You're also still physically... I'm still getting my brain around that"

You think I don't know!
You think I'm not reminded of that fact every single fucking time I look in the mirror?
I'm not reminded of that fact when strangers misgender me?
When people dead name me?

I'm reminded of the fact that you said,
"I don't think I'll ever see you as a boy unless you fully transition"
You're doing better now
But when you say all the things I've quoted in this poem,
I'm reminded of the fact that you still see your daughter in me
Still see her in me
Still see the me you wish I was
Still see me as someone other than who I am

And I can't tell you
I can't fucking tell you
I don't want to piss you off and have you fuck me over again
I don't want you to say stupid things to me and just say,
"I didn't mean to hurt you"
I can't deal with that again
So please dad,
Just keep your mouth shut about my transition
I honestly don't want to hear your thoughts on it anymore

(27/7/21)