Without You (gxg)

Part 4 - High School

The more I saw Noelle in class, the more I just wanted to talk to her. I didn't have an excuse though this time. We did a project together- that was an excuse. But what could it possibly be now?
It was confusing me to no end that I kept on thinking about her- but I couldn't stop my mind. It felt like a crush. But I didn't like girls that way...I think. So I had no idea what it meant.
I tried to come up with any excuse to talk to Noelle. One day I even told her I liked her ponytail. I was that desperate.
Toward the end of September, she came up to my desk one day after class on a Thursday.
"Hey." she said. I looked up at her. She had on a gray sweatshirt and shorts. She also had on glasses, which made her look, well- cute.
"Hi, what's up?" I asked, wondering why she came up to my desk.
"I was wondering if you wanted to grab dinner sometime." she said, "I...I'm brand new to the area. And you seem cool. You don't have to if you don't want to."
I was slightly taken aback. "Yeah, of course we can grab dinner sometime." I said.
Noelle gave me a small smile, "Really, you would want to?"
"Of course. Let me know whenever you're free." I said. On the inside I was beaming.
"Are you busy tomorrow night?" Noelle asked me.
I had plans with Priya- but I knew she would understand.
"Definitely." I said, "Just text me when and where, okay?"
Noelle gave me another smile and nodded, "Yeah. I will."
When I drove Priya home I told her I wouldn't be able to have her come over tomorrow night.
"Plans with Carter?" she asked me with a knowing smile.
"Uh, no actually. Plans with this girl in my English class. She's brand new and is trying to make a friend, I think." I said, trying to sound as casual as possible.
Priya raised an eyebrow, "A girl, huh?"
I could feel myself getting hot. "Yeah. Like I said, she's just new. Wants to make a friend."
Priya nodded, "I understand. Just don't go making a new best friend, okay?"
"I could never." I said.
Of course I couldn't sleep that night. Even after chowing down on a couple CBD gummies I was wide awake. I kept thinking about the hangout I was going to have with Noelle. And why I was so excited.
We decided the next day on a restaurant called Walt's Cafe, a popular spot in town at 8 PM. When I told Carter about me hanging out with Noelle, he seemed totally unfazed.
I couldn't decide to wear. And I wasn't sure why I was so concerned with it. This was just a hangout with a potential friend.
Right?
Finally I settled on dark wash jeans and a black cardigan with a tank top underneath. I straightened out my wavy hair.
On my way out my stepdad, Juan, was watching TV. He turned around and said, "You look nice! Going on a date with Carter?"
"No, just hanging out with a friend. But I wanted to look nice." I said.
He nodded, "Have a good time. Just let us know when you'll be home."
Walt's Cafe is a home style restaurant. It's casual and small, and the menu is very All-American.
Noelle had texted me that she just pulled up as I did. And I saw her get out of a white, beaten up Hyundai. She had on jeans with rips in it and a red and black plaid shirt. Her hair was up in a ponytail, and she had on the glasses again. She looked...hot.
Why am I thinking she looks hot.
We walked up to each other in the parking lot, and just stood there for a moment.
"This place has breakfast all day." I said, "Are you down for pancakes for dinner?"
Noelle nodded, "As long as they have chocolate chips, absolutely."
We went into the restaurant and got seated. I wondered if it looked like we were on a date, or if we just looked like two friends grabbing dinner. We placed our order for pancakes. I got blueberry and she got chocolate chip.
"You straightened your hair. It looks nice." Noelle said to me.
I could feel myself slightly blushing, "Thanks. Sometimes I like to not have it be so wavy and unruly."
"It's never unruly. It's pretty." Noelle said to me.
"Thank you." I said, "Now...I want to know more about you. Where did you move from?" I asked her.
"Western Pennsylvania, across the state from here. Bordering right on the edge of West Virginia." Noelle said, "It's a lot different here right outside of Philly."
"I'm sure it is. I've never been out that way." I said, "What made your family move?"
Noelle looked down for a moment, "Um, my parents got a divorce. And my dad remarried like, right away. My mom got a nursing job at a really good hospital in Philly, so we moved this way."
I looked at Noelle, "That sounds rough."
"It was. But it's my new normal now." Noelle said, "I think it's harder on my brothers."
"How old are they?" I asked her.
"They're all younger than me. Ryan is 16, he's a junior. Tommy is fourteen, a freshman. And Kyle is only in sixth grade." Noelle said, "You said your family situation is...complicated too?"
"Yeah." I nodded, "Do you want to actually hear the story of it?"
"I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't interested." Noelle said.
"Okay. Well, my parents had me when my dad was in his mid twenties and my mom was only twenty years old. They were never married. Then, my dad got married to my stepmom- who I consider to be my mom. She's the one who had my stepsister when she was seventeen. The two of them then had my younger sister, Jade. So she's technically my half sister." I started, "Then, my stepmom and dad divorced. My dad...he was not the best guy. He was an addict. So was my mom. And after my dad and step mom got divorced, they started dating again. It was bad. But when I was twelve, they got into a car accident, when they were fucked up. They died. And none of my dads family wanted me. Not his parents. Siblings. No one. So, my stepmom adopted me. And then she got married to my stepdad, Juan. My stepmom is my savior. She is my mom."
Noelle just looked at me for a moment, "It's crazy. You never know what someone has been through by just looking at them. Harley, I would've never suspected in a million years you've been through all of that."
I liked the sound of her saying my name.
"Everyone has been through something." I said back.
"You're right. But you've been through it." Noelle said, "And you seem so strong. I mean, the on the first day you walked through the door I noticed you and how you carry yourself so well. You'd never know it."
"You noticed me the first day of school?" I asked her. I felt myself getting red.
"I mean, yeah. How could I not?" Noelle gave me a small smile.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"I think you know. Come on, look at you. Plus, you're so beyond nice." Noelle said.
I could feel tension in the air. It felt like a flirtatious tension. And I wanted to just tell her I thought she was hot. Attractive. But I couldn't. I was with Carter. And I wasn't even positive of my feelings. If this was a crush. If I wanted to pursue something.
Noelle and I finished up our pancakes. We walked outside together, and it was dark at this point.
"I don't want to stop hanging out with you even though we are finished the food." I said, facing her.
"So let's go for a drive. Leave your car here." she said.
"Are you sure?" I asked her.
"Very. Let's get in my car."
Even though Noelle's car was a bit beaten up from the outside, on the inside it was clean and smelled like vanilla. I did notice in the middle console an electronic cigarettes.
"Do you smoke?" I asked her.
"Yeah." she nodded as she started driving, "Hope you don't mind that. I won't right now."
"It's okay if you do. You know, my dad used to make me take drags of his cigarettes for a laugh when I was a real little girl. Like not even ten." I said.
Noelle looked at me, "Thats terrible. I'm just really sorry you've been through such a rough time."
"It's okay." I said, "You don't sound like you've had it the easiest.
Noelle turned down her music a little bit. She was playing R&B, and while I listened to Rock, I really liked the vibe of what she was playing. "You know, I miss my dad. Even though he remarried so fast- like literally three months after he divorced my mom, I do miss him. I could go to him with so much more than my mom. She's really cold sometimes. And she hates that I'm gay."
"Does she make comments to you about it?"
"She used to. Until I told her off. Now she just ignores it. And ignores me. Most of the time." Noelle said, and I could hear sadness in her voice.
"My mom...she completely was unaccepting of my older sister when she came out. But over time she accepted it, like truly accepted it. She loves my sister in law. So, there's hope. People can change." I said.
"I don't even know if I'd want a relationship with my mom even if she did change though." Noelle said, "I usually don't talk about it- but she's been pretty abusive my whole life."
"Fuck a relationship with her then." I said.
"That's how I feel. You know, I usually don't just open up to people like this."
"Neither do I. At all." I said to Noelle.
"You must be special." she said, giving me a small smile.
"Guess I am." I chuckled.
I knew on the inside what I was feeling. But I didn't want to accept it yet.
Noelle and I drove around more and I just felt this comfort with her that I never felt with Carter- or any guy I've ever been with. And god, I wanted to kiss her. Badly.
As it got later, she drove back to Walt's Cafe and up to my car.
We still sat in her car for a moment. "I've had a really nice time with you." I said, looking at her. And I knew in my heart this wasn't just two friends hanging out.
"So have I. We should do this again...if you want." she looked at me.
"I'd love to."
"Look, Harley...I know you're with Carter. And I would never overstep any boundary. But do you...like girls in any way?" Noelle looked right into my eyes.
"I-I honestly don't know when you're looking at me like how you are." I said, "I don't want to say I feel something toward you. Because I feel bad, I have a boyfriend. But, I really do, Noelle."
She nodded, "We will see what happens, okay?"
"Yeah." I said, "We will."
And I knew what I wanted to happen. I just couldn't admit it yet.