Without You (gxg)

Part 20- Summer after High School

I had a little over 2 months left with Noelle before she went off to college. We made the most of it- spending almost every waking moment together. Mostly spending time at my house, but also going on walks together in the park, taking a few trips to the Jersey shore, and going for a lot of late night drives.
I loved spending time with Noelle- as much time as humanly possible- but there was always a lingering trace of sadness in the air- especially for me. I was dreading the day she had to leave for school. It was two days before I was going to be starting cosmetology school. And I was dreading those two days like crazy. I knew how empty I was going to feel. I was preparing myself the whole summer for it- but I knew once it actually got there, it was still going to hit me like a ton of bricks.
Noelle wasn't showing much emotion about going to college. She didn't seem to be dreading it, but she also didn't seem extremely excited. She kept on saying she was just there to learn and get her degree.
She found out who her roommate was- her name was Elena Felici- and Noelle showed me her Instagram. I got a sense of dread inside of me when I saw that 1.) she was pretty. She had dark hair to her shoulders that was very voluminous and big brown doe eyes. And 2.) she posted the bisexual pride flag in one of her photos. So Noelle's roommate liked girls too. Great. Just fucking great.
On one of our late night drives I couldn't help but to bring it up. I kept on looking at Elena's Instagram. In my head comparing herself to me, which I hated that I was doing. It just made me scared to be honest, that Noelle's roommate liked girls too. I trusted Noelle, but I knew how other people could be. And we were going to be 7 hours apart.
"So...are you excited to live with Elena?" I asked Noelle. It was a few weeks until she was going to be heading off to school.
She was driving this night. We were a couple of towns over and had just stopped at Wawa and got smoothies.
She glanced over at me. "I don't feel much about it, honestly. She is just going to be a person I share room with. Most people don't become best friends or anything with their freshman year roommates."
"Oh...okay." was all I could say back. I wished that I could just spit it out- that I was feeling really insecure about it.
"What's wrong?" Noelle asked me, "I know something is wrong."
I sighed, "I'm feeling really insecure about it. And I feel so stupid for feeling that way. But she's pretty. And she's bisexual. And-"
"Harley. I want you to stop right there. If you even think for a second I would think about doing something with her, you're out of your mind. And I say that purely with love." Noelle said firmly.
I felt some relief from that. Not one hundred percent, but it calmed my nerves a bit and made me feel more assured.
Noelle was going to be driving down to school herself. I would have loved to help her move in to her dorm, but she was going to be keeping her car on campus. And part of me couldn't even bring myself to do so.
She packed up everything and put it in her car. She was going to stay overnight at my house, and then leave the morning after.
The whole night I had a lump in my throat. From the dinner my mom cooked as a send off to all of us getting ice cream and everything in between. I was trying to smile, but it was fake. I was breaking on the inside.
At one point after Noelle and I went back up to my room, I had to use the bathroom. But I stood there in the bathroom finally broke down. I was trying to stay silent as I sobbed, letting out every emotion I was feeling.
This is going to be the worst of it. You just have to get through her leaving.
I kept on telling myself that. It would be for a year. And then I could move there. It would eventually become the new normal. We would talk all day. We would see each other. But it wouldn't be the same.
I splashed water on my eyes and took a deep breath as I walked back to my room.
Noelle was laying on my bed in basketball shorts and a t-shirt. "Are you okay?" she asked me after glancing at me when I walked in my room.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I gave her a small smile and laid down on the bed with her.
We both didn't seem to be in the mood to have sex. Even though it would be the last night for a while that we could- we just wanted to lay there with each other, the TV playing in the background.
I thought I was going to be up all night. But I eventually started to drift off at around 1 am, surprisingly. But I didn't stay asleep for too long. I am a light sleeper when I do sleep, and I can wake up from almost any noise.
Sniffling next to me woke me up. Noelle was turned away from me, and I could hear her sniffling. And softly crying.
"Hey. Are you okay?" I whispered, putting my hand on her shoulder gently.
She immediately sat up in the darkness. I leaned over and turned my lamp on. Light from the lamp illuminated Noelle's face, and I could see that her eyes were red.
"I'm really scared, Harley. I don't want to be apart from you. I don't think I can do this." Noelle said, tears streaming down her face.
All summer Noelle had been staying strong about this, and I felt like the mess. But now she was breaking down, and I had to stay strong.
I gave Noelle a hug and held her tightly. "You can and you are going to do this " I said, "I'm really scared too. But we will make it through this."
"You promise?" she looked at me.
I cupped my hands around her face and leaned in for a kiss. She kissed me back passionately.
"I promise." I said to her.
And I intended on keeping that promise.
We eventually both drifted off again- and then the dreaded sound of her alarm on her phone woke us up at 7 am. She was going to be leaving early to get to school at a reasonable time.
We were silent as we got ready for the day, brushing our teeth and getting changed. It was like a dark cloud of uncertainty was hanging above us. And I was feeling extremely uneasy- mentally and physically.
Then the moment arrived. Where we were standing at her car. She leaned against the drivers side- looking cute as ever in her hat, plaid shirt, and jean shorts.
"This is it." she said, looking down.
"We are going to see each other soon though." I said, trying to stay positive, "I am going to drive down and visit you the moment I can."
She looked up, "God, I am going to miss you so fucking much."
I could feel tears springing to my eyes. All I could say back was, "Ditto." with a fake laugh as the tears started rolling.
She gave me the longest hug I think I've ever had. And then a simple kiss.
She waved to me with a weak smile before she pulled out of the driveway. And I waved until I couldn't see her anymore down my street.
My heart was breaking. I stood in my driveway, tears rolling down my face. I felt physically ill. I was shaking. And the emptiness was already setting in.
And I had no clue what was about to come these next four years.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading. A lot of the emotions in this and some of the events are based on true events from my life.
I did also want to add, in the next chapters, an abusive (physically and emotionally) relationship will be depicted. If that is something you are triggered by, you may want to stop reading ❤️