Without You (gxg)

Part 31- The Years In-Between

Warning: there are some sensitive topics in this part. Touches on suicide. And there is some more abusive behavior.

I was avoiding Allie. I didn't want to talk to her. I knew I was going to have to eventually, but I had been feeling completely suffocated. I couldn't do this anymore. Not after she slapped me and yanked my arm so hard that I had a bruise.
The only one I told was Olivia. I had to tell her what happened. And of course, she was horrified and told me I needed to end things with Allie. But I knew that. I knew I needed to.
Priya had been wanting me to come visit her at school for a while now, and I kept on making up excuses why I couldn't. But it was Allie. It was all Allie. Now it would end, and I wouldn't have to be suffocated by her. Made to feel like I couldn't do things anymore. I told Priya in two weeks I would come down and visit her.
It had been three days since I had spoken to her. Had she called? Yes. Had she texted? So many times. But I didn't want to talk to her. Not yet. I didn't feel ready to.
It was a Saturday- I had off from work today, and just wanted to relax. I was making myself a sandwich in the kitchen, when my mom and Jade walked in. Jade was going to be starting 10th grade- I couldn't believe it. My mom had taken her shopping for some clothes.
"Harley, I want to show you some of the clothes I got. Maybe you can help me choose my first day outfit." Jade smiled at me. Jade had been growing up to be a really pretty girl, with her long, dark hair and bright smile.
"Of course." I smiled back at her, putting some tomato slices on my sandwich.
"Jade, go put your clothes up in your closet. Harley and I will come help you in a few minutes." my mom said to her.
Jade left the kitchen and bounded up the steps.
"I didn't let her get anything that showed off her midriff or non-existent boobs." my mom rolled her eyes, "That girl worries me. She's so boy crazy."
"At least you don't have to worry about all three of your daughters being gay." I joked.
My mom rolled her eyes and smiled, "Even if you all were, I wouldn't care." then her face got more serious, "Are you and Allie doing okay- if you don't mind me asking? I noticed you haven't seen her in a few days."
"I think that I need to break up with her." I said to my mom.
"Oh...what makes you say that?"
"I just do. I'm not happy." I said. I didn't want to go into detail.
"Well...I can't say I'm not unhappy about it." my mom said, "I've seen your happiness decline, she does seem to stress you out. When do you think you'll do it?"
"I'm going to need to like probably today." I said. I knew that was true also. I needed to end this. And I needed to be free of her today.
So I went up to my room and called her.
She answered almost immediately. "Harley. Oh my god. I'm so glad you called. I'm so fucking sorry."
"I appreciate the apology...but Allie... you know I have to end this, right?" I decided to come right out with it.
"...what?" Allie's voice went from relieved to heat sounded like very pissed off.
"That can't come as a surprise." I said.
"Well you're not doing it over the fucking phone."
"What? What does that have to do with anything?"
"We are doing this in person. If you ever loved me, you'll agree to see me later."
I sighed, "Fine. But I'd rather you come to my house. We can take a walk or something."
"Okay. I'll see you later." Allie said.
I didn't actually want to see her. But I figured I just would. So, at 8 PM she pulled up in her Audi to my house. I think one thing about Allie was that she was spoiled. While she made good money herself, she came from a rich family. Both of her parents were Doctors. She wasn't used to not getting her way.
When I walked outside she was still in her car. She rolled down the window.
"I want to run to Wawa. Come with me?"
"Oh. Okay." I said, and she unlocked passenger side to her car.
She looked at me when she got in. Her blue eyes were red and puffy around them. She looked like she had been crying and not sleeping much. She started driving. Faster than usual too.
"I don't want to break up." she said, both hands on the wheel.
"I'm sorry, but we have to. After the other night...Allie, I can't be with you." I looked at her.
"No. Please don't do this, Harley."
"It's what needs to happen. Allie, I think that you need to evaluate some things within yourself before you get into another relationship. What happened the other night is not okay."
"Oh what, because you go to therapy you think you can therapist me?" Allie spat.
"No! That's not what I'm doing." I said, "Not at all. I just want you to be happy, and well."
"You make me happy, Harley. I literally feel like I can't fucking live without you." Allie was still driving. We had passed a Wawa.
I was started to feel more and more anxious.
"Allie, didn't you want to stop into Wawa? We just passed one." I said, carefully.
"Don't change the subject! I cannot live without you. I don't want to."
"Allie, what are you trying to say?" I said.
"I think you know what. I can't be without you. I refuse to be."
"Are you trying to say you're going to...hurt yourself or something?" I said. I couldn't deal with this.
Allie didn't answer. She just kept driving.
"Allie! Answer me!" I practically shouted.
"Who knows. You wouldn't care."
"That's not fucking true and you know it." I said, "Allie, even if we break up, that doesn't mean I don't care."
"If you really cared you'd want to work through it."
"Allie, turn the car around. Take me home. I don't try you driving right now." I practically begged her.
"No." she said, and started going faster.
I was feeling scared. Very scared in that moment. What was she going to do?
She had to be going at least 20 over the speed limit. And then I was saved by the...sirens?
"Fuck!" Allie exclaimed as we saw the blue and red lights behind us. She kept going.
"Allie, I know you're upset right now. But you need to pull over." I said.
And to my surprise, she listened to me. She pulled over.
The officer came up to the car and Allie rolled down her window. The cop was a woman who looked to be in her 30's. She shone her flashlight on Allie and I.
"You do realize you're going 75 in a 50, right?" she said.
"Sorry, ma'am." Allie said.
"I'm going to need your license and registration." she said.
Allie reached into her glove compartment. "Here you go."
The officer then looked at me. "Are you okay? You look a bit upset."
"I'm okay." I nodded. I didn't want to get Allie into any more trouble.
The officer looked at me for a moment longer and then nodded.
Allie wound up getting a pretty massive ticket and points on her license. And the officer told us that we needed to go home.
So, Allie drove me home. Without a word.
When we pulled up to my house she looked at me. "I'm sorry." she said.
"I'm sorry too."
"Just promise me you won't hurt yourself?" I couldn't bring myself to say any worse than "hurt".
Allie didn't say anything. She just looked down at her wheel.
"Allie?"
"Just go in, Harley. Don't worry about me."
I nodded and then headed toward my house.
I was free from Allie.
But now, not from the worry in my mind.