Without You (gxg)

Part 37- Noelle's POV

This part is in Noelle's POV- right before she is moving back to Philadelphia. This chapter may be a bit shorter, but I thought it was important.

Tomorrow. I couldn't believe I was going to be moving back to the Philadelphia area for a job tomorrow- but I knew inside it wasn't just for a job.
I was hoping that this new chapter of my life wouldn't be as much of a whirlwind like college was. I was proud of myself for graduating with my engineering degree- there were moments when I truly didn't think I would.
Things just seemed to fall apart in my world when Harley and I broke up. It was like I lost the brightest light in my life. Sure, there were others. But none as bright as her. One of the other lights in my life at that point was looking forward to going to Italy. The idea of it seemed really amazing. Going to a whole other country, having that adventure and exploring something new while learning- it all seemed like a once in a lifetime chance. And it was the only thing keeping me from completely breaking down after my relationship ended.
But then my mom died.
Two weeks before I was supposed to leave. I hadn't spoken to my mom all year. And I still don't regret that. There was nothing that I had to say to her- why would I have anything to say to her?
But the thought of my youngest brother, Kyle, who was only going into 8th grade at the time finding her- that is what killed me. Apparently she had been taking pills from the hospital she worked at for a while. And she took one too many with some alcohol. She hadn't woken up for her nursing shift, and Kyle went to go check on her- he thought she just overslept.
But he called me- screaming and crying. I was the first person he called- even before 911. But I don't blame him. He was terrified. He told me she wasn't breathing and she was cold. So I immediately instructed him to call 911. I was in my dorm room doing homework at the time, by myself. It was Harley that I wanted to call when all of it happened- but it was Elena that found me in my dorm room, shaking and numb. And she was there for me.
It was like we bonded over her finding me like that. And she helped me through it. She was there for me- if I needed to talk, needed a shoulder to cry on, if I needed anything. Even though she wasn't the one I truly wanted.
Italy was out of the picture for both of us. And as we grew closer from this bond we had formed- one night she tried to hook up with me. She told me how much she always liked me. And wanted to fuck me. And I gave in- and that is something I regret to this day. Giving into her that night. Because that is what catapulted the relationship that at the time I thought had saved me- from heartbreak, sadness, and loneliness- but in turn, it made those things even worse.
Elena turned out to be someone that was extremely controlling- she would also just go from hot to cold in a second. She had no trust in me whatsoever- even though I never gave her a reason. But she gave me plenty to not trust her. The things I would hear about her flirting with almost everything that moved when she went out- it made me feel worthless. Elena made herself the center of my world. It wasn't something that felt natural. She forced herself. And I went along with it because I needed the comfort. The person. Not to feel lonely. I agreed to getting married- that time just feels like a daze honestly.
I also had no choice- because I saw Harley had moved on. There was always this hope that we would get back together- but when I saw her post a picture of her holding a girls hand from across a table that had bright blue eyes, I knew I was fucked. She had moved on.
I was growing more and more miserable with Elena. I couldn't handle her anymore. Her constant outbursts. Her distrust in me even though it should've been the opposite. The thought of spending my whole life with her made me sick. Nothing in particular even happened- I just had enough. I told her I wanted a divorce. That I wanted to move out of our apartment and live the next year in a dorm by myself. She did not take it well. That whole night she sobbed and screamed at me. I but I was done. I couldn't handle her anymore. She was not the person for me.
But I knew who was. Elena felt like a never ending night out that you just got tired of being at, and Harley felt like when you finally come home. And it was so stupid to think that I could be with her again. But I knew she was still in the Philadelphia area- I had watched her Instagram grow to almost 100,000 followers and I was just so fucking proud. I wanted to tell Harley how proud I was of her.
I started applying to jobs all over- some in Philadelphia. And while I told myself it was just to get away, I knew why in the back of my head.
And when I accepted the engineering job in Philadelphia, I kept telling myself it was because the pay was great and it was a stable company to work for. And that living in the apartment I rented would be amazing, because it was a beautiful apartment that I felt proud that I could afford. But I knew why in the back of my head.
I knew why I decided to take the job in Philadelphia. And when I found myself debating in my mind whether I was going to show up to Harley's work and tell her I wanted her to dye my hair dark- I knew why I was coming back to Philadelphia.
For her.
Of course it was for her.
And I knew I was taking a huge risk- there were so many ways this could go wrong. And I could get my heart broken all over again.
But if by some chance it went right? And I got Harley back?
Then it would be worth it.
Harley Eve Edwin- here I come. And I want you to be mine again.