Without You (gxg)

Part 22- The Years In-Between

Finally. The second weekend of October. The weekend that felt like it would never get here, but it was finally here. I would be seeing Noelle.
FaceTiming and phone calls just weren't enough. It was making do, but I needed to see her. Hug her. Kiss her.
I could barely sleep that night before, but I didn't bother taking sleep medicine. I knew I would be seeing Noelle, so it didn't matter. I was going to be leaving my house at 6 AM so I could get there by 2 for Noelle's last class. I was nervous to do the 7 hour drive by myself, but the excitement to see Noelle was overshadowing that.
I was slightly nervous too. And I had no idea why. This wasn't a stranger. It was my girlfriend of over a year now.
I would be coming back Sunday night, I made sure to take off school on Monday as well. I didn't even care, I would catch up on what I missed.
Juan was up making coffee when I was about to head out.
" Be careful and have fun. Tell Noelle we say hello." he said, and gave me a hug.
I occupied myself during the drive by listening to podcasts and music. It helped calm my anxiety, and it helped that I had already driven this way with Noelle. I had jitters the whole time. The coffee I stopped for 4 hours in gave me even more jitters.
I finally got to her school- the campus was massive filled with brick buildings. Reinforcing that I could
never go to a University. Noelle had told me to park in the lot by her dorm building- which took me forever to find. She said after her class she would meet me by my car. When she texted me that she was walking back to her dorm, my heart started pounding.
Then I spotted her. In a gray hoodie and black leggings. She had on a black hat and her hair was tied back in a ponytail. For some reason I had this fear that college would change her. But she looked exactly the same.
She caught my eye and a waved. And she broke out into a genuine smile and started walking even faster. By the time she got to the parking lot she dashed toward me, and picked me up into a hug.
God- it felt so good to be back in her arms. The emptiness that I had been feeling didn't feel so empty anymore. Still in her arms, she tipped her head up and gave me a long kiss. I didn't care who was watching.
When she put me down we just looked at each other for a moment, grinning.
"I am so fucking happy you're here." she said to me.
We went up to her dorm room, which was your typical small college dorm. 2 beds, 2 desks, and closets. There was a pride flag in the room. I smiled when I saw that on Noelle's nightstand there was a framed photo of her and I at prom. I didn't even know she had that.
"You must be so tired. Want to lay down for a little then go get some coffee?" Noelle asked me, "There's a great little coffee shop on campus."
"Sure." I grinned at Noelle.
When I laid down in her arms it felt like no time has passed- it was like we were back in my room laying down together. I felt at home with her here in this place I had never been to before. Noelle could make anywhere feel like home.
I could almost feel myself drifting off when the door burst open.
"Hey! I just had such a great workout!"
My eyes snapped open at the high pitched voice. I saw Noelle slightly roll her eyes and we both sat up.
Elena stood there, glistened from her workout. She had on a sports bra that pushed up her boobs and showed cleavage and tiny black shorts. She was very short and petite. And for some reason, I got a weird feeling seeing her there with barely any clothes on.
Did she look like this often in front of Noelle?
"That's good." Noelle said, "Elena, this is Harley." she nodded to me.
Elena came right up to us. "It's so nice to meet you! Noelle talks about you non stop!"
I tried to suppress a smile, "It's nice to meet you too."
"So, are you two coming out to party tonight or what?" Elena said.
Noelle glanced at me, "I was thinking we could have a nice dinner and night in. Maybe a party tomorrow?"
"That sounds great." I said.
"Ah, a night in, huh?" Elena winked at us.
I hadn't even really thought about that- sex. Sure, I missed it. But that emptiness and exhaustion I've been feeling made me kind of lose my sex drive. I really just missed Noelle.
Later on, Noelle and I grabbed coffee and then she said she had a really great sushi place to take me to. I changed into a cuter outfit- tight dark wash jeans and a long sleeved black bodysuit tucked in.
"Damn, I missed seeing that body." Noelle said to me.
The rest of the night just reminded me of how much I missed spending time with Noelle- and how when I was with her now, I felt alive. I started to dread going back home. I didn't want to leave her again.
Elena was out, so when we got back finally got some alone time. Noelle really showed me how much she missed me. Multiple times.
After, when it was late and we were laying in the dark, I asked Noelle, "When can I see you again after this?
"You're still here for 2 more days, are you already thinking about when you leave?" Noelle chuckled.
"I think we should always have a next time we know we are seeing each other. It'll make the year go by." I said.
"I like that idea." Noelle said thoughtfully, "Okay...if your parents are okay with it, could I stay with you over Thanksgiving?"
"Of course. They will be one hundred percent okay with it." I said.
"Good. I would love that- I'll see my brothers too. When my mom isn't home." Noelle said.
"You haven't spoken to her at all, right?"
"Nope. Not once. And I never really want to again to be honest with you." 
"I don't blame you." I said, and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
The rest of the weekend I kept trying to not dread leaving. I hated that my mind did this- made me anxious about something so much that it blocked me from fully having a good time.
Noelle kept us busy though- I could tell she knew I was anxious. She had made a comment once that I seemed more tired and she wanted me to be taking care of myself.
We went to a party on Saturday night with Elena. It was at the theatre house, she was friends with some people that were theatre majors even though she was a finance major. The theatre house was surprisingly very wild- and I did wind up drinking with Noelle. Cheap beer- but it got me buzzed.
To be honest, I found Elena annoying. She was the type of person who always had to make herself be in the middle of the room. Somehow the conversation had to always direct back to her. She was really nice, but it almost felt...fake? And I swear I saw her glance for a moment too long at Noelle. But then I kept second guessing- was this because I was just slightly nervous and jealous?
I didn't tell Noelle I found her annoying. This was her roommate. I didn't want to cause any discomfort. Or weirdness.
After we got back from the party, my anxiety set in even more. I had to leave tomorrow. And I didn't want to. And it would be 6 weeks until I saw Noelle again.
I woke up Sunday morning, not wanting to have to start to make my drive home at noon. I wanted to savor every moment I had with Noelle. I had a lump in my throat as we walked to my car, Noelle carrying my bag.
I looked up at her before I got in my car. I was feeling like I was going to cry right when I got in my car.
"Hey. I'm going to see you again on Thanksgiving. That's no time. Please don't be upset." Noelle said, and leaned down and gave me a kiss.
I nodded, "I love you."
"Call me when you're on the road. I'm going to miss hearing your voice." Noelle said.
The emptiness started to creep back up as I drove home. More and more as I got closer to home. And I hated it. I fucking hated it. I just wanted to go back and stay with Noelle.
My stomach hurt as I pulled up to the driveway in the darkness of the October night.
Empty.
That's how I felt again.
I broke down for a moment in my car before going into my house. I really wished I could get a better hold over my emotions.
I wiped my eyes and looked in my mirror to make sure it hadn't looked like I was crying.
This will get better. It has to.