Without You (gxg)

Part 29- The Years In-Between

It was now spring time- the end of April, to be exact. One day after Olivia and I had work, we went and grabbed some sushi for dinner. I texted Allie when we got to the restaurant saying I would talk to her after.
"Telling Allie you'll text her back?" Olivia asked me.
I nodded and then said, "I'm hungry. I barely ate anything today."
"Well, we will get some really good rolls." Olivia said. Olivia was in her all black outfit, as was I. She was interning at a salon that was about 15 minutes from mine, and she did not like the women she worked it. Overall the women (and two men) that worked at mine were nice- a bit catty at times- but nice. But Olivia felt like she was being treated as a maid- and it was wearing on her.
We got our sushi, and then Olivia said, "I wanted to ask you something."
"What's up?"
"I wanted to know if after we both finish our internships in September and get jobs if you would maybe want to become roommates? Look for a place together." Olivia said.
Yes.
That was my initial reaction. But then there was my follow up reaction.
What would Allie think?
"I would love to." I said, "I think that would be amazing, actually."
"You do?" Olivia asked me.
"Of course. Living with my best friend as we both work in salons. What is there to not like?" I said, "I wonder what Allie will think."
Olivia paused for a second, "I'm not sure if she will like the idea of it."
"You don't think she will?" I asked, "What makes you say that?"
"Come on, Harley...she's a bit...much sometimes." Olivia said, "She definitely wants to know what you're doing and when."
"I know." I sighed, "I love her...but she can be a bit much. You're right. But if I told her this is something I wanted to do, she would have to deal with it. It's my life."
As some more time went on and some , I didn't mention to Allie that I was considering moving in with Olivia in the fall. Things were going well- she had been really sweet to me, and I didn't want to do anything to put that on edge.
It didn't come up until she was cooking me dinner one night at her apartment in the end of June. It was a hot summer night and we had the door open to her porch. The apartment was ours for the night- her sister, Victoria, was at her boyfriends house- the usual.
Allie was cooking us some breakfast for dinner- it was after midnight, and she had gotten home not long ago from work.
"Victoria is thinking of moving in with her boyfriend." Allie said, frying up some turkey bacon.
"They've been together for a while now right? Since before we started dating." I said. I was at the kitchen table behind Allie.
"For a couple of years now." Allie said. She was in a pair of workout shorts and a sports bra, showing off her muscular physique.
"How do you feel about her moving out?"
"Well, I don't see her a ton now anymore to be honest. But I would miss her...I would have to get another roommate. I can afford this place myself, but I don't want to live alone."
Was she getting at...?
"I understand that." I said, "I'm sure it could get lonely."
"If don't have other plans, maybe you could be my roomie." Allie turned around and winked at me.
I gave her a small smile and said, "I would definitely consider it...I just...I might move in with Olivia after we are done our internships."
Allie's face dropped for a moment. Then she put on what looked like a fake smile, "Hey, you've got time to think about it. But I promise if I was your roommate, I'd cook you dinner every night."
A few weeks later I had a night to myself. Allie was going out to the bars with some of her co-workers, and I decided that this Friday night, I just wanted to be by myself, hanging out in my bedroom, watching TV. My sister was hanging out with her friend and my parents were at Blake and Brianna's. But tonight, I just wanted to relax. I had a lot on my mind, and I was tired from work and my internship.
I was watching Shameless and scrolling around on my phone. I had ordered myself some vegetable pad Thai, and was eating that. I opened up Instagram on my phone.
Admittedly, I would go to Noelle's page a lot. She hadn't posted though in about a year. Before she was supposed to go to Italy. The photo was a picture of her and her father, and I looked at it more than I liked to admit. I thought about Noelle more than I'd like to admit. I would often think about what would happen if she hadn't gone Italy, and if we could've...made things work out. I felt extremely guilty for letting my mind wander that way because I had a girlfriend. Allie. And I never wanted to do anything to ever hurt her. But I couldn't help but think of Noelle. I would think about how when I was with her, things just felt so easy. It was like I knew in my mind I was with the right person. I didn't have doubts. I didn't feel suffocated at all, or like I couldn't say anything in front of her. I still thought about her smile. Her eyes. Her focus on me when she would listen to me. How she just seemed to get me like no one else. Did I ever wonder what could possibly happen....what if? What if we met again? Yes. I did.
But that would all change when I opened up Instagram.
My heart started racing when I saw the username noelle_thomp pop up. She posted something. I was expecting to see a photo of her in Italy. It would be my first glimpse of her in over a year.
But when I saw the photo, I almost lost my breath. My stomach completely dropped. And it was one of the worst feelings I had felt- I feel dramatic for saying that- but it felt like I'd been punched right in the gut.
She was kissing someone. A girl. She had on a black suit jacket and the girl who had dark hair was wearing a veil. And I could see the top of what definitely looked like a wedding dress. It was strapless and there was a sweetheart neckline. I couldn't see who the girl was- but when I saw the tag, I felt a mixture of livid and devastated.
The caption said: These past months have been a complete whirlwind. I'm so glad to have you by my side- for life now. I love you, theelenafelici
What. What. What. WHAT? What the FUCK?
My mind was absolutely racing. Noelle and Elena got married. Noelle and Elena got MARRIED? Was she cheating on me the whole time with her? Did she like her the whole time? How long had they been seeing each other? Wasn't she in Italy? WHAT?
I was suddenly not hungry anymore. At all. And I couldn't stay in my room. I had to go. Somewhere.
I got in my car. I wasn't even crying. But I was shaking. I couldn't tell if I was more angry, confused, or upset. But my mind was in a complete tailspin, and I couldn't even remember the last time I had ever felt like this. I was in a complete panic. And I now I knew- there wasn't a "what if" anymore.
She was married. Fucking married.