Without You (gxg)

Part 36- Present Day

Warning- this part does discuss some themes of suicide. Read with caution.

As I pulled up to Walt's Cafe the next night, I thought back to when I was 17, meeting up with Noelle here for the first time. I was confused. I was excited. I was unsure. And I was feeling all of those same emotions almost 5 years later.
I saw her get out of her car- it was the red BMW I had seen at the salon. That didn't strike me as the kind of car Noelle would want- but then again, it had been a long time.
She walked up to me and once again, we just looked at each other for a moment. She looked great. She had on a green t-shirt, black jeans, and Vans. Her hair was still in place from yesterday- and she had on her glasses.
"You look nice." she said to me. I was wearing a simple black sundress.
"So do you." I said. I could just feel tension between us. And I wanted to sit down. "Let's go in." I said.
We got seated at a table, and we sat across from each other.
"I don't even have to look at the menu. Pancakes it is." Noelle said.
"Agreed. Blueberry pancakes sounds wonderful."
The waitress took our order, and once again we were left just looking at each other.
Finally, Noelle said, "I guess I should just get this started. I was married- to Elena. But now I'm not. We were married for a year, and then we got a divorce. I've been single now for over a year."
"I figured you got a divorce. But Noelle...I can't even explain to you the feeling I got when I saw that wedding photo. I know I had honestly no right to feel how I did- we were not together. Very much not together. But I feel as though I am kind of owed an explanation? Considering she was your roommate when we were together. It definitely made my mind wander." I said.
"I can understand why it did. I guess first I just want to start off by saying that I never cheated on you with her. To be honest- I never even thought of her in any kind of way when we were together. You were literally the only girl that I wanted. That was on my mind. I was crazy about you." Noelle started off. And I believed her. Did I actually think this whole time she cheated on me? No. Of course it crossed my mind, but my gut told me that wasn't the case.
"I never wound up going to Italy." Noelle said.
"Wait, really?" I looked at her.
She nodded, and then said, "My mom died two weeks before I was supposed to leave."
I felt my body get chills.
Her mom died?
"Oh my god. What happened?" I asked Noelle.
"She overdosed. Apparently she had been taking pills from the hospital she worked at. To be honest- I didn't even know she had any kind of issue. It was ruled accidental...but I don't know about that to be honest." Noelle said, looking off into the distance.
My heart felt broken for Noelle. I wished I could've been there for her. I knew she had a terrible relationship with her mom- but no matter what, this had to be incredibly difficult.
"You think she could've done it on purpose?"
"I do. That's what my gut tells me. And I couldn't just leave. I had to be there for my brothers. Two of them weren't in college and still relied on her for everything. They now live with my dad. What really gets me though is that my youngest brother found her. That is something I have not been able to shake." Noelle said, "Just the thought of him finding her. I don't know. I can't get that picture out of my mind."
"I-I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry this happened to you family." I said. What else could I say?
"You know, I wanted to reach out to you every single day and tell you what happened. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was like I wanted and needed you- but I had nothing in me to talk about it." Noelle said, "I regret it all the time- not telling you."
"I understand." I said, "I don't want you to beat yourself up about it. I get it."
"I know you do. Of all people, you get it." Noelle said, "So I didn't go to Italy. I stayed at school. And Elena also didn't go abroad- her family couldn't afford it. So we stayed roommates. And it slowly started to turn into more. I was really fucked in the head and just needed someone. She was there. And things moved fast."
"Fast enough that you got married." I said.
"I don't even really know why I agreed to it. I mean, of course it takes two. I'm not just putting anything all on Elena. It was her idea to get married. The whole relationship started with her- it was almost like I was a prize she won. Sorry, I'm just rambling now." Noelle said.
"No, I want to hear it all." I reassured her.
"It was a bad marriage. Why it ended. There was a lot of...passion in the beginning. But that just blew up in flames."
"I definitely understand that." I said.
"I know that seeing I got married must've been really difficult. And what I felt is probably nothing in comparison...but when you posted a picture of that girl...I assume you dated her. That hit really hard. I almost couldn't function for days, I was so in my head." Noelle looked down.
"If you want to talk about a relationship that blew up in flames, my relationship with Allie was definitely that." I said.
"Allie. I hate that name now." Noelle chuckled, "But I take it the relationship was not good?"
"Not good at all." I said. And then I started telling her about Allie. How she was charming, but way too intense. And possessive. And how I constantly felt like I was doing something wrong. How suffocated I felt. And Noelle just listened. And I felt myself slipping back into that comfort I had with Noelle- like I could just talk freely.
Then I thought about the issue that caused our first big fight.
"If you don't mind me asking...did you by some chance come back here after your mom died?"
"I did. For about five days." Noelle said.
"Oh my god...it was you that I saw then." I said. The time where I swore I saw Noelle driving- I did.
I then told her about that fight. And then the one that ended it all- when I was looking at her wedding photo. I recounted how she had slapped me and grabbed my arm. Noelle's eyes and expression grew more and more upset as I spoke.
"So did that end everything?" she asked me.
"Basically." I said. And then I told her about the night when Allie was driving way too fast. And I had no idea what was going to happen. About her baseless threats of doing something to herself. I felt like I was reliving it as I spoke.
"Harley, it breaks my fucking heart that you got treated that way." Noelle said.
"I know a lot of it stemmed from insecurity on her part. I shouldn't have looked at a photo of you so much. Especially not at her house." I said.
"That's absolutely no excuse for her to be so awful to you. To physically hurt you." Noelle said, "I hope she's better. But fuck her."
"You're right." I said, "I know you are. She must've really thought I still wanted to be with you." I said.
"Well did you?" Noelle asked.
I was taken off guard. "I-"
"Don't answer that. I'm sorry. That was a really inappropriate time for me to ask that." Noelle said.
I did. I did want to.
"It's okay." I said.
And there it was again. That tension as we looked at each other.
"Can we try to be friends?" Noelle asked me.
Friends. Sure.
"Of course." I said.
"I've...really missed you." Noelle said.
"I've missed you a lot, Noelle." I said.
More than anything. And now you're back.

A/N: Everything brought up in this part is going to brought up a lot more. This just brushed the surface. The next part is actually going to be in Noelle's POV so you can get more of an understanding where she is coming from. Thank you so much for reading!!