Without You (gxg)

Part 50- Present Day

I went to work the next morning without even talking to Noelle- she was sleeping on the couch by the time I left. At work I was trying my best to be friendly and lively and focus on my clients, but it was really tough. On the inside I was breaking down.
Before my last client of the day, I realized I hadn't spoken to Noelle all day long. I didn't have much time to look at my phone during the day at work, but usually we texted back and forth a few times. But there was nothing today from Noelle. I found myself going to text her a few times- but I stopped. And I wasn't quite sure what was stopping me. Most likely the fear that she would just reject talking to me again.
I stood in the back room for a moment, waiting for my last client of the day. Thank god she was just an all over red color. Simple, easy, would be done in an hour and half.
Tessa came to the back as I was just standing there, dazed out.
"Hey Harley- your last client is here. She showed up early. Is that okay with you?" she asked me.
"Yeah, I'll be right out." I said.
"Are you okay?" Tessa looked at me, concerned, "You look a bit distracted. I know you have a lot going on."
"I'm alright." I said, and then immediately I could feel myself tearing up. Something about Tessa asking me if I was okay really showed me that I was not.
"No, no. You're clearly not." Tessa walked over to me. And then she gave me a hug. "I'm so sorry for what you're going through, babe."
"Sorry I'm just crying and upset right now." I said, "I'll head out there in a moment."
"Take the time you need." Tessa said, "And okay...so, today is Wednesday. Do you want to take off for a few days? Maybe until Monday? I know you're stressed. I'll tell all your clients you need to reschedule them."
"Honestly, yes. That would be really nice. I just need...a few days. I'm so stressed out." I said.
"Done. I'll have the new girl, Jada, at the front, start calling your clients. She could use practice on the phone anyway." Tessa smiled at me, "It'll all be okay. I promise."
I was feeling apprehensive to go back to my parents and see Noelle. When I walked into my house, she wasn't there in the living room.
"Hello?" I called out.
Juan came down the steps, "Hi. Your mother and Noelle went for a walk together. Well, your mom is pushing Noelle's chair. I know it's pretty cold out, but your mom thought she could use some fresh air."
"Oh, okay. That's nice." I said, "Did you guys eat?"
"We did. We ordered some sushi. We saved you some rolls." Juan said, "They're in the fridge. We saved some cucumber, avocado, and sweet potato tempura for you."
"Thank you. I'm really hungry, I'll go have some now."
I sat at the kitchen eating my sushi, when I heard the front door open. My mom was talking, and Noelle was laughing at what she was saying.
A minute later, they appeared in the kitchen, both in their jackets. My mom helped Noelle take hers off.
"How was your walk?" I asked them.
"Very nice. Cold, but nice. And Noelle walked some of the way." my mom said.
"Getting stronger each day." Noelle flexed her arms jokingly.
It was nice to see her even semi-joke about something.
"I was telling Noelle some stories from your childhood. All the crazy things you would do to your hair when you were younger. The multiple times you cut your own bangs." my mom said.
"Hey, at least I actually know how to cut them now." I laughed.
The three of us hung our in the kitchen for a little while longer. With my mom there- it didn't feel weird between Noelle and I- even though we weren't making a lot of eye contact.
My mom eventually went upstairs, and Noelle said, "Let's go to the living room. I actually want to walk there." Noelle said.
"Do you need some support?"
"No, I'll just have to walk slow. Follow me with the wheelchair?"
Noelle was right, she did have to walk slow. She was going to be starting physical therapy in a week. She was most likely going to have to be out of work for about three months. Thankfully- she would get medical leave.
Noelle and I sat in the living room together, once again, in the dark. I turned on the TV to get some light.
"I'm going to be taking off work the rest of the week." I said to her.
She looked at me, "You are?"
"Tessa asked me if I wanted to. And I feel like I need to." I said.
"I'm sorry...I know how much all of this must be stressing you out." Noelle said, looking down.
"I just want to make sure you're okay. Work was distracting me from that." I said.
"I'm okay." Noelle said, "I feel bad that you're missing work."
"I'd rather be here with you." I said to her, lightly placing my hand on hers.
She looked at me with her pretty blue eyes. "Good. Because I'm...not okay."
"I know." I looked at her.
"I hate that I wound up in this situation. It's embarrassing...I mean, I pretty much blacked out behind the fucking wheel. How I even thought it would be okay to get behind the wheel in the first place is just fucked." Noelle said.
"Can you tell me...what happened?"
Noelle sighed, "I drank more than one beer before I got there."
"I know. I saw the empty cans in the trash." I said.
"I'm sorry." Noelle said, "I shouldn't have lied about it. I was feeling tipsy when I drove there. But nothing crazy. But just being in that restaurant, with Elena- it brought me back to how she would make me feel. She just kept going on and on about how her life was on such a downward spiral and then alternating between telling me how amazing her new girlfriend was. So, I did what I would do when we were married- I drank. And I just kept drinking. Until the waitress cut me off. She could see how intoxicated I was. And she asked Elena if she was taking me home. I remember Elena saying 'yes'." Noelle said.
"And she just let you drive." I said, furious.
"Seems as though she did. But all I could think about in my drunken state was getting home to you. I know though- that this isn't just about the accident. I've had an issue with drinking. I started drinking way too much when I was married and when my mom died to cope. Then I stopped when I got divorced. And now...I am the happiest I have ever been with you. Truly. But work has stressed me out to no end. And I can't stand going there each day. So I turned to what I knew- to drink. It's like a habit for me at this point." Noelle said.
"I was so scared...Noelle. When the cops showed up, I thought I lost you." I said, tearing up. Remembering how I felt in that moment.
Noelle leaned over and embraced me in a hug, "I am having a really hard time forgiving myself for it. I feel pathetic. I mean...you've been having to push me around in a wheelchair. And I did it to myself."
"I want you to forgive yourself for it. Because I forgive you for it." I said to Noelle, "But of course- changes have to be made."
"I know. Believe me, I've wanted to have a nice cold beer since I've been let out from the hospital. But even more than that- I want to be okay." Noelle said, "I am not going to drink anymore. I just can't. And there's another change I want to make...but I don't want you to get upset."
"I won't. What do you want to do?"
"I don't want to be an engineer anymore. It's not for me. I want to either go back to school for something...or switch my career."
"Noelle...I am in full support of that. One hundred percent. I think it's necessary, actually. Do you know maybe what you're thinking of?"
"I was thinking even something in the medical field. After being in the hospital...seeing how they helped me. I could see myself doing that way more than what I'm doing now."
"So we fill figure it out. I promise you, we will. But first comes your health."
"You're right. And also...I blocked Elena. For good. I never want to hear anything from her ever again." Noelle said.
I leaned over and gave my fiancé a kiss. "She does not deserve to have access to you. She takes advantage of it."
"She did that our whole marriage." Noelle said.
"Well, here's one thing I can tell you. Your second marriage is sure as hell going to be better than your first." I said, in a joking tone.
"My second marriage is going to be my last." Noelle laughed, and then smiled at me, "We will get through this."
"I know." I said.
And it felt like in that moment- I had her back.