Without You (gxg)

Part 28- The Years In-Between

I didn't think I was going to get into a relationship 9 months after Noelle and I broke up- but here I was now, 5 months into dating Allie.
After the first time we hung out, I felt guilt. I wasn't with anyone- but I knew that I still felt strongly toward Noelle. But- she was going to Italy. Nothing was going to happen. And...I needed to at least try to move on.
But Allie was someone I found myself really wanting to be around. She had this energy about her that was very addictive. She pulled you in- and she was definitely a charmer. I felt chemistry with her as well- just when we hung out, and also sexually. She was someone who definitely wanted to have sex a lot- and I gave in. She knew what she was doing.
I got apprehensive at times because she had quite a few serious girlfriends before me- it seemed like she had a new one every year, and I wondered if that would be me. The girlfriend of the year.
But the more I got to know her, the more I fell for her. Enough for her to become my girlfriend. Enough for me to spend nights upon nights at her house. She often worked late- so I would go to her house and wait for her in her bedroom. Half of the time she got home she just wanted to relax, half of the time she wanted to fuck after work. She had a lot of steam she wanted to let off. It felt like a real, adult relationship. I was 20 years old now, she was 23. She would go out to bars with her friends and sister- and sometimes I would worry she would flirt with other women- but she always assured me I could trust her.
She met my family- and they all seemed to like her- except one person. My mom. And I couldn't quite understand why. She was always very nice and cordial to her- but she expressed to me that she had some concerns. When I asked her why, she said she thought Allie seemed too intense. And with my anxiety and depression, she felt as though Allie wasn't someone that helped that.
I mean...I couldn't fully deny it. Allie was intense. If I went out with Olivia at all, even to dinner, she would text me the whole time. I had gone to visit Priya once since I started dating Allie- and she FaceTimed me while I was at a party. It seemed like she wanted all of my attention, all the time.
But that to me did not overshadow all of the good about her. Plus, I felt like I had moved on. Gotten my life back together.
Did I think about Noelle? More than I would like to admit. I thought about her in Italy. If she hadn't gone to Italy, where we would be now possibly. And of course- I wondered if she was fucking someone. Dating someone.
One day in February I got really spooked as I was driving home from the salon I was interning at. I had 6 months left of interning before I would be able to be a full-fledged stylist. I was going to be going to Allie's that night to hangout- she was off from work.
I was driving, and I swore I saw Noelle on the other side of the road, driving the opposite direction.
Wait. No. It can't be.
But of course, I didn't see the car again. But I couldn't get it out of my head. Whoever I caught a glimpse of in the car, it looked so much like her. It couldn't be, she was in Italy, right? She hadn't posted anything on Instagram for almost a year.
It seemed as though she barely used it.
I figured she knew about Allie- because I had posted her on my Instagram. I didn't really want to- I felt a bit weird about doing so. I once again felt some kind of guilt if Noelle saw it. But Allie seemed to feel insecure about the fact that I didn't post her- so I finally did.
When I arrived at Allie's apartment that evening I still kept thinking about if I truly saw Noelle or not. It was distracting me, even though I was trying to be present.
Allie was a wonderful cook- considering she went to culinary school and all. That night she made us some teriyaki salmon. We sat at in her room and ate together on her bed- she was asking me about my dad at the salon I was interning at. And I was answering, but I definitely was distracted.
"Are you okay?" Allie asked me, "You seem a little off." her big blue eyes, which I had grown to love, were looking right at me.
"Oh, yeah. I'm okay. Sorry. We were talking about the golden balayage I assisted on. It was amazing." I said.
"I'm glad it was...but if something is wrong I want you to tell me." Allie said.
I sighed, "Okay. Nothing is wrong...I just got a little bit spooked today."
I felt like I could be honest with Allie. She preferred it if I was open about everything rather than held it inside- which I could do sometimes.
"What happened, babe?" Allie put a lock of my hair gently behind my ear.
"I-it's going to sound silly. But I swore when I was driving today I saw my ex, Noelle. Not that it matters...but I guess I just wasn't expecting it." I said, looking at Allie.
Her expression turned dark the more I spoke. The concerned look in her eye now seemed to be irritation. Anger. I couldn't tell. But she looked like a mixture of mad and upset. And I hadn't seen her expression change so quickly before.
"It seems like it matters, Harley." she said.
"No, it doesn't- I promise. I just...it doesn't matter." I said, starting to get anxious.
"So why are you thinking about it so much?" Allie asked me.
"I swear, I'm not thinking about it a lot." I said, "It just got me a little confused."
"Yeah right, you're not thinking about it." Allie muttered, and then she looked at me straight in the eye. "Do you still love her or something?"
What? Where was this coming from?
"No." I shook my head, "Allie, come on. You know I love you. I just wanted to be honest with you."
Did I say something wrong?
"I don't know what to think right now." Allie shook her head, "I just really fucking hope you don't love her anymore. Because that would be really bad."
Huh?
"What do you mean it would be bad?" I asked her.
"For me. For you. It would just be bad." Allie said.
I was still slightly confused, but instead I said, "Well, you have nothing to worry about."
"I'm not sure I believe you." Allie said, looking down at her bed.
"Just take my word for it. Please?" I said, my voice getting higher. I was feeling nervous. And on edge. This was the first time I had seen her act like this.
"I think you should just go home, Harley." Allie said, "I don't really want to hangout anymore."
"What?" I asked, stunned, "What did I do?"
"You know what you did. And now I feel really insecure. Just just leave, please." Allie said to me.
"Allie, come on-"
"Just go!" Allie practically barked at me, which made me jump.
"Okay. I'm leaving." I said, and I grabbed my bag. Before I opened her door to her room, I said, "Just text me later, okay?"
Allie nodded slowly. And then I left.
I was feeling shaky when I got into my car. What even was that? What did I do? I guess I shouldn't have brought up Noelle at all. That was stupid of me. But I didn't think it warranted that reaction from Allie- it just seemed illogical. Even if she was feeling insecure.
I shut myself in my room that night when I got home. I called Olivia though to tell her what happened. I was just really confused and upset.
"I don't think her reaction was warranted." Olivia said, "You didn't say you still loved Noelle or anything. You just thought you saw her, and it weirded you out. I don't agree with her reaction."
" Neither do I. She hasn't gotten that way before." I said.
And then in that moment, I got a text from Allie. It said:
I'm sorry for how I reacted. I love you, Harley. Come back over?
In that moment I felt relief. But I wasn't prepared for what was to come.