Every Second There Is Love

Chapter Twenty Two ~ Open My Eyes

Chapter Twenty Two ~ Open My Eyes

Everyone gasped as if we just solved something, like a crime case. This might even go up on the news and everyone in the world will see the loser I am, the mental girl I am. It'll probably be on the news and everywhere on social media. I don't expect anyone to comfort me now or even give me a response. For some reason, even I know no one will forgive me, I'm still feeling so worried. It'll be fake that Luhan won't hate me, but I'm scared of his wrath, I'm scared for him to hate me, most important is that he sees me as the girl who never took his love seriously. I truly love him with all my heart and I really need him in my life. He was the reason why I had the courage to make this lie up because I knew he was there to back me up. Without him, i don't see any beauty of life. I see the world in black and white, just like the way people saw television in the old days. So plain and boring. Even if I met some guy who loves me, it wouldn't be the same as watching television with colors, I wouldn't be interested. Only Luhan gave me this beautiful view of colored television. How am I still complaining if I know he'll leave? Who do I think I am to deserve is love in the first place? Maybe if he didn't fall for me, his heart wouldn't be hurting so much as if I got a pair of scissors and cut up his heart into pieces. If only he fell for someone else because for sure, she'll be a much better person than I am. I'm so selfish. I stare at Luhan, his facial expression so hurt, his eyes filled with tears that make me want to burst into tears. The moment he sighs with tears flowing down his cheeks, it just breaks my heart to see him like this. It hurts even more to know that I'm the reason for every single drop of those tears. This regret is like a tattoo stuck on my heart, I can't seem to remove it, I can't understand why I was so silly to put our love on the line. Luhan sighs again but a lot heavier and with more tears. His eyes find mine and his mouth starts to move. After every other word, he would sniff.

Luhan: The world thanks you (YourName), thank you because you  told us ahead of times before we fall into your lies and your traps too deep. Thank you for telling me now so I don't have to fall harder in love with you. Thank you for saving my soul from almost getting comepletely teared apart. Can you imagine someone stomping on your heart so many times? Right here, it hurts a lot.

When he said "Right here, it hurts a lot" he had both his hands placed on his heart, that's when I couldn't take it anymore. I bursted into tears, trying to avoid eye contact with everyone. It hurts a lot, I'm in pain as well because I really love him, and to see this happen, I can't understand why i've done this. Honestly, I didn't tell that lie only for myself. The times when Luhan came like a hero to save me from Nancy, I would feel bad inside and be in so much pain. Not only does Luhan have to take in Nancy's bossy attitude, but also has to hear unnecessary comments about how he should live his life.

~Flashback~
Nancy: I can't believe you're with this loser, she's ruining your population! You can be so famous, someone like you, who can sing and dance, someone who looks so much like an angel, can capture thousands of hearts but why get trapped by this girl? 

 Luhan: because I love her, and it's just her who captured by heart. She may be a loser in your eyes, but she's an angel in mine.

~End of Flashback~

I cry inside every time when Nancy judges the way Luhan should live his life, he should be able to live his life by his decisions. It hurts every time to see her judge Luhan and tell him how he should aim for population. I'm tired of her bothering everyone, mostly me. The only reason why I didn't feel so guilty as I planned the lie was because I had a perfectly good reason to lie. It was for everyone's benefit, people would stop getting bullied and Luhan wouldn't have to hear her tell him what to do with his life. But in the process of me telling this lie, I only thought of the benefit for myself. Is that considered as trying to help everyone still? Is lying still considered others' benefits or just my benefits? Am I just making things up and dragging Luhan and other people into this? Maybe I only lied just for myself and only myself, not for Luhan, not for anyone in the school but myself.

Nancy: (YourName).. to speak the truth, I've never came to see myself clearly, of the type of person I am. If it wasn't for your lies, I wouldn't realize what type of abuser I am. Bullying was wrong, I admit. Because of you, I realized this flaw in me. I'm so much more mature now because of you. Sometimes mistakes are helpful, please don't put too much pressure to yourself. I won't be friends with you, but I forgive you. I won't put anything to heart, after all, I've been such a jerk to you in the first place. You know, love sometimes blinds you. Too much love for popularity or too much love for someone makes me go blind. I was really jealous when you were always hanging out with Mike. When I knew you and Luhan were so close, I pretended to like Luhan so I can blame you for always "stealing" my guy. I wanted to make life miserable in all ways possible because you took Mike from me. I was dumb to not realize that Mike never had those type of love feelings for you. I guess you can say it's all my fault. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have thought of any plan to get back at me. If I didn't bully you or pick on you, all this drama wouldn't have happened. Basically, I've done all this to myself in the end. So don't put anything to heart, don't leave scars there. I saw how you always hesitated when you treated me bad, I know you wanted to stop, but in the end, you were persuaded by the fact that you had friends now and by the fact that you're not being bullied anymore. As I was being bullied, I realized how much pain you must have been. Although the bullying wasn't to the extreme, I felt the pain to be in that position where everyone hated me. I was close to bullying you to the extreme, I can't believe you could handle such pain. I'm sure you would have been much more harsh on me but I saw the hesitation in your eyes. I knew you care even for such a evil person like me. I'm thinking I don't deserve you caring for me, but in the end I'm thankful for you caring for me.

Usually words go through my ears then out the other, but the words that Nancy just said got me really thinking deep, deeper than I ever done. Because of me, she's mature so she's thanking me? Am I hearing the right words? Are my ears functioning properly? Nancy is saying such nice words to me in front of the whole school? My heart races as if I was in a race to win a million dollars.

Nancy: so please, I hope everyone here treat (YourName) just as nice as you've all done before. Let's make it a peaceful ending and forget the past? Let's be friendly to everyone so no one is left out okay?

Luhan suddenly gives Nancy a "Are you crazy" look. I look back and forth from Luhan's face to Nancy's.

Luhan: Nancy, you don't have to say so nice words for her. She's no longer that girl with Escaping Into Fantasy illness, okay? Now, (YourName), don't cry in front of everyone and expect everyone to pity you anymore, snap out of the acting. Come to your senses, be a human, live a normal life please. I beg of you. You're not a beast, so don't act like one. I hope you'll be able to meet your true soul mate and be able to live a happy life with him. I hope you won't make these same mistakes again in the future. Please don't come looking for me anymore. If I was never so important in your heart, then please forgive me for mistaking that I was someone so special to you.

...To Be Continued~~~

I'm sorry for not updating in about a week !! I've been so busy lately! I've been so stressed from school :( My break is coming soon! Then I can hopefully post up more often! (: Honestly as I wrote this chapter, I just started crying!! :(( so sad for me.. I hope you liked this chapter and the whole story so far! Thank you so so much for reading !! <3