Every Second There Is Love

Chapter Thirty Six ~ Don't Go

Chapter Thirty Six ~ Don't Go

~Luhan's Point of View~

(YourName).. my girl.. she's in another man's arms. Someone I encouraged her to be with. The man who's like my brother, my best friend. Someone let me know if this is right. Someone's going to get hurt deeper and deeper if no one is making the correct choices. Why is it so hard to forget her? When I try to erase all the memories I had with her, the images just become more clearer. When I pull her in for a hug, our heart beats are beating together. Even the clothes she was wearing that day, I remember it all too clear. A cute deer t-shirt with a black jacket. Converse and blue jeans. Casual. Her hair tied up with a pink and purple flower hair tie. She wore a light green backpack. She turns and gives me a smile. The smile that gives me goosebumps. Someone taps me as I'm caught off guard smiling like an idiot.

"Surely there are many reasons to smile like that Luhan" Nancy says winking at me as her hands are entangled with Mike's hands.

"Mike? You go to this school?" I questioned. Weird.. I gave him a look, I was not expected to see him ever again.

"Mike and I are dating but it's really hard to see his handsome face so often when he's at another school, so he decided to transfer here to be with me more often. How sweet is he?" Nancy says as she turns to Mike and kiss.

"Thanks to (YourName), I realized what true love is. I was planning to marry (YourName) because there was no one left, and because I didn't understand the word love. She gave Nancy and I a chance to be together for a whole month. Within that month, I've realized how much I cared for Nancy, how much I love her smile, her voice, and her everything. I always thought she was just another bully who doesn't deserved to be loved, but (YourName) told me the reason why Nancy done what she did. Because of me, she went to the extreme. For me to influence another life, I feel so loved and amazing. Although she's done things to hurt me before, I'm willing to forgive me because she's willing to forgive me for making her wait too long. Have you ever tried forgiving people no matter how wrong they've done?" Mike confesses.

They smiled and walked off together. "Have you ever tried forgiving people no matter how wrong they've done?" .. Have I? No, I haven't. Mike has always hated Nancy, how can he be with her? I don't understand.. (YourName) gave them a chance to be together for a month? A month? When did.. ohh.. when I was hospitalized and sleeping on the bed for hours, days, and weeks. Did she really do that to get them together? Did she really do that out of kindness? Or is she just naturally that sweet?

Luhan.. forget the past while you can. Trying to understand and remember is only setting up another trap for yourself. Next time, you won't escape so easily. I shake my head and slap my face lightly. What is it really that I need? A new life or (YourName)? It's (YourName).. the reason why I'm in so much pain. I see that she's trying to show me that she's going to change for the better for me, but I don't want to get hurt anymore. I don't want her to lie to me again, I don't even know how to trust her anymore. Maybe right now, at this moment, I want to be with her and hug her tight in my arms, but I don't know if I can trust her if she says anything. Maybe we can be together forever without a word to each other right? Words can be meaningless when action is meaningful. I know I love her and she loves me. Maybe I'll give her a hug right now and tell her that I'll think about it. Why am I hesitating.. I won't risk it. I won't I just can't. If it's selfish of me, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to put myself in danger and pain anymore. Why did I ever fall for you? Why do I have to be a nice guy? Why is it that you always appear on my mind, in my sight, and dreams? It's not helping me to forget you and 'our' memories. Can someone give me a magical eraser to erase of the painful memories away from my mind and soul? I'll give my life to that person if they can invent such technology.

Lay's arms wrapped around (YourName)'s waist and kisses her on the cheeks. Are they dating?! It's only been less than ten minutes from when they were fighting! What is it that Lay has better than me that he can replace me from your heart? I'm so much better, so much more handsome, much more talented, much more brave. What is it that makes you fall for him so easily? Because he's nice to you? Because that's no different from being a player. Around the world, there's a million, even billions of guys who are sweet like Lay, are you going to fall in love with all of them?! Who was it when you were freezing? Me. Who was it when you were alone on the first day of school? Me. Who was the one who was by your side when you were being bullied? Me. Who was it the one who loved you first? Me. Who was the first one who made you feel love? Me. Who was it the one who took the bullets and knife for you? Me. Who was it when I offered you coffee when you were cold again? Me. Who was it that was by your side when you were hurt the most? Lay.. And who was it that you're with now? Lay. After how much have I done for you, you heart has already changed for Lay? That's fascinating. Maybe I don't know you well enough to say I love you.

You're smiling as if the world was in heaven. That same smile you gave me when I said I love you, you're giving it to Lay. The same arms you used to wrap around me, you're using them to hug Lay. Is it that easy to forget me? And do you know how hard it is for me? I thought you would never be a player, somehow I thought you would never forget me so easily. But you've already forgotten me, you've given your heart to someone else. And what makes me upset is that I thought you were the angel that would give life to my world, when it reality you're the even witch who absorbs out all the life in my world. I was so stupid to fall for your 'innocence' and for your adorable face that I could never say no to. You don't deserve my love, but somehow and for some reason, I want to love you more and more. You're smiling away with another man, and there's me, wishing we could go back in time. Maybe if you never lied, we wouldn't be in so much pain. No.. it's not we, it's me. Just me. Would you make the same mistake if we had one chance to go back in time? My heart aches to see you being hugged by someone who's not me. My heart aches because I'm not the same Luhan who's brave enough to pull you away from Lay's side. I'm not the same Luhan who's brave enough to tell you I love you no matter how much I want to hate you. The more I try to hate you, the more I realize how much I love you. If somehow I can gain back the braveness I once had, I'll make you mine again. I'm so clear of it now, I need you. I need you more than Lay needs you. I need you more than I need food, more than I need air. I don't mind suffocating while hugging you in my arms. When the day I die, I want to know that you're mine and only mine. Why are you making it so hard for us to be together? If you're love is true for me, I won't be hesitating so much more than I already was. Please let me know that I'm worrying for no reason, please tell me you're not a player. Tell me that you love me still, more than before. Tell me.. I'm dying to hear you say three words to me, not "I am sorry" but "I love you". But if you really found that you fell for Lay now, let me be selfish this one time to make you mine. Am I suppose to be the one sorry? I'm so confused because of you..

Author's Note: This whole chapter is in Luhan's Point of View

...To Be Continued~~~

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