Every Second There Is Love

Chapter Thirty ~ A New Start

Chapter Thirty ~ A New Start

My eyes widened, waiting for a response. Not just any response, but a good response. I pray that Luhan will be alright, I hope the surgery was successful! My heart was in panic. My hands were shaking as well as my legs. Lay came to hug me to comfort me and calm me down from shaking. "It's alright. He'll be fine." Lay says, trying to make me feel better.

        "The surgery was a success. He's very lucky to survive that gun shot. Maybe he still has something to do on this Earth, he's not going to die yet. Lucky man.. but there's also bad news. The surgery may have been successful but because of the bullet hit the brain, it damaged his all the parts of his brain. Technically it's not all the parts of his brain because luckily, the bullet went through half the brain. From the back to the front. Therefore, it was only the left side of the brain that was damaged. Sometimes this could still be fatal, but Luhan is very lucky to survive. It's definitely a miracle that the bullet didn't hit the high value real estate(brain stems and etc) of the brain. These parts of the brain controls the breathing of a person and their heartbeats. The bullet was very close to hitting a major blood vessel, but again, he's really lucky. Because this is a serious incident, we can't really predict the outcome of the surgery. There's a chance of memory loss because, again, the bullet did do damage to the hippocampus(part of your brain that controls your memories). He will for surely wake up though. We can't give false hope, but prepare for what's to come. All the doctors done their best. Please get some rest so you can visit Luhan later or tomorrow. You yourself need rest." The doctor said.

        I'm no expert in medical stuff, everything that the doctor spoke about the brain literally went in my right ear and out the left. All that was processed into my brain was that Luhan might lose his memory, that he's very lucky to survive a direct gun shot to the brain, and that he'll wake up. The fact that he'll wake up is enough to give me hope. By then, I can say sorry to him. Maybe he'll think he's another person, he'll probably forget his name and forget me; he won't even know why I'm saying sorry but I'm more than happy. Not only do I get a new start with Luhan but also I can be with Luhan without him feeling pain in his heart. The past will be erased from his memory and it'll be like the first day we met.

        I feel guilty to only think of how I can get back with him.. I'm not even crying for him.. after how much he's been through. He took that gunshot for me.. and I'm still thinking about something else. I sound more like I'm thankful of that gunshot.. I really am not grateful for that gunshot.. I really am not.. but again my conscious tells me I am because it showed how much Luhan cares for me, how much he loves me. There's no way he'll forget me right? His heart loves me so much, I'll be there still. I hope. If Luhan is willing to take a bullet for me, then that means Luhan really loves me. Do I have the right to claim his love? Luhan blamed me... If it wasn't for my lie.. nothing would have gone wrong. He trusted me so much but I lied as if his trust and love meant nothing to me. Somehow I'm really happy but also really depressed. Am I even human still? To be happy that he got shot and injured? Maybe I still have a little human sense in me to feel sad and care for him. I don't want this to be my only chance to start fresh with him. I caused him to be in this position, I have no rights to be with him. I would flee away from his side if I know I have another chance to start new with him.

        "What are you thinking right now? The doctor told you to rest." Lay said coming to my side.

        "When did you arrive? Aren't you suppose to be at school in class?" I questioned him.

        "Yah.. he's my hyung and my best friend, how can I possibly feel alright to stay in school while he's in the hospital? Afterall, I want to be there to calm you down. I know you'll be hurt and I know Luhan will hate to see you hurt. I want to do something for him while he's not here. If it's to give you my shoulders to cry on is the only thing I can do for Luhan while he's injured, I'll do so, to ease the pain for you." Lay replied.

~Lay's Point of View~

Am I only here to help Luhan comfort her while he's in deep sleep or am I here because I want my chance to show her I can give her the love and care she needs? I look down and take my hands off her shoulders. Shouldn't I be ashamed to still hit on hyung's girl when he's lying on that bed after a big surgery? The moment I saw Luhan on the floor and (YourName) crying at the school locker room, I said to myself that I'd let go and free (YourName) to go to Luhan.. but what is it that my mind and heart doesn't understand for me to still try to be around (YourName)? I don't even know how I can look at Luhan in the eye when he wakes up. Will he remember a hyung like me? He'll probably have memory loss but no matter bad of a hyung I might be, I hope he doesn't forget me. We've been through so much back then, even before we met (YourName); I don't want to let a girl make me feel like I should erase our memories forever. I definitely want to only erase this one memory of us fighting over her but nothing more and nothing less.

Moving Forward in time~ It's been about a month since the surgery on Luhan's brain.

~My Point of View~

After weeks of taking care of Luhan, such as washing his face and body, Luhan's finger finally moved! He's giving me feedback! Yes, maybe the doctor said he'll for surely wake up, but a month is too long! I really miss his girly voice and his comforting hugs. It's not that I don't want to take care of him, I don't mind it at all actually, but it's because I really want to say "I'm sorry". I may say it to him every time I visit him but I want him to be wide awake, looking into my eyes, while I say it. I want to know for sure that he hears me. I also want to know his reaction, will he forgive me?

        Lay has been visiting Luhan less and less now. Every time he bumps into me, he avoids me and he leaves right after placing flowers beside the bed and wishing Luhan best of luck to hurry and wake up. He doesn't even a look in the eye, he just bows at me and leaves without a word. He told me that he'll be there to keep my calm, he said that's the only thing he can do for Luhan.. but why is it that he doesn't keep his words.

        Do I.. perhaps, have any special feelings for Lay? Not out of friendship.. but out of... a crush? No.. no I don't, that's not possible. I only love Luhan and only him. I don't care if Lay doesn't comfort me, I don't care if he doesn't hug me when I want to cry, I don't care if he doesn't hold my hands when I want to break down. I have Luhan to hug and hold. I just have to wait a bit longer for him.. time isn't the matter.

        I held Luhan's hand in mine and hoped that he'll wake up soon. I'm really tired of waiting honestly. I'm at the edge of breaking down right now. Will you please hurry and wake up Luhannie? Where's my manly deer at? The one who can withstand any pain for me..

        His hands moved. My eyes widened and focused on his face. His eyes started to open a little. Luhan looked at me with a questioned look. Was he really unsure of who I am? I'm his girl! Yes.. his girl! Luhan do you remember me? Do you remember all that we've been through?

        Luhan pushes my hands away from his and looks at me very seriously. He opens his mouth, "Who are you?"

        I shouldn't be surprised, I should expect this, but why is it that it still hurts so much? It's so much more painful than someone using a knife to take out my heart.. My eyes filled with tears within seconds. I guess you can consider this as a new start..

...To Be Continued~~~

Hehe I may not be the smartest person! I definitely do not know my facts about the brain, I done research and here's the link I visited.

Link: http://www.livescience.com/9234-survive-bullet-brain.html

I am actually really interested into medical stuff but I can't stand to see blood and everything in person ! Ehh.. let's change the topic haha? What do you think of the whole story overall so far? .. Thank you so much for reading and supporting me! Have a beautiful day ~ And because I only have one more day of break, I'll go back to posting a chapter once every week, most likely, it'll be posted during the weekends.