Every Second There Is Love

Chapter Thirty Five ~ Because of You

Chapter Thirty Five ~ Because of You

~Lay's Point of View~

My mouth drops and eyes widen. I can't believe the words I've heard with my own two ears. Just a moment ago, Luhan was talking to me about how he's too shy to confess his love for her. Now, without even a day that pasts, his heart has changed this much? I can't believe it.. maybe I don't know Luhan the way I think I do. A heart must be broken right now. Her heart. Her heart must be torn apart into a million pieces or even billions. But Luhan could be lying to me or her, but what really breaks my heart, is that in reality, she is rejected and left heart broken. I worry about her so much, I worry she'll cry in her pillow silently at night without anyone knowing, I'm worried she'll hold it in to herself and break down in the end. Maybe I'm worrying because I still have feelings for her. After knowing the whole story in between them, I don't want to cause more drama, but if Luhan is going to break her heart like this, I'm not going to hesitate, but pull her in my arms. I'll make her smile and forget the past. I'll make her feel like I'm the only guy she ever loved. I'll give her my shoulder to cry on. I'll give her my arms to comfort her. I'll give my eyes to her, so she can see how beautiful she is. I'll give my ears to see how comforting her voice is. I'll give my heart to her, so she doesn't have to live with a broken heart. I'll give her my mind, so she can give herself a break from thinking about Luhan. I'll give her my all, just to see her angelic smile. If Luhan is her mistake, I want to be her reward for going through such a war. I think all of this, but can I really do so in my actions? What if I love her, but not enough? I don't need her to go back for World War II.

Author's Note: When I say World War II and/or war, i mean it by (YourName) fighting against her pain. She's trying to be happy even when so much is hurting her. Maybe some of you know this but just a clarification (:

~My Point of View~

"...Just keep in mind of how many stitches I have on my head because of getting shot. Just remember that I'll always have a scar left on my back because of taking the knife for you. The old Luhan would take in many many more bullets for you, but I won't..." Luhan's words repeat in my head.

Author's Note: The quote above is from Luhan to (YourName) in Chapter Thirty Four ~ Thinking About 'Us'

But Luhan.. if you didn't know about the lie, you'd still take the bullet for me. I know this, because you're still being nice to everyone even if you didn't know them. If you didn't know about the lie, you'd still take that knife for me. You'll take many many more bullets for me. If you're willing to offer me your jacket, what is there you won't do for me? If I never gave you so many scars physically and mentally, you'd still take many many more bullets for me. It's only because of that lie, right Luhan? I can do anything to make it up! Please.. I need you. I want you to watch my back in times of danger. Though you can turn away from me, but you can always turn back to me. It's silly to constantly think it's not my fault and that we should be together. Let me be silly, because I need you. I'm sorry I'm so selfish, I need you, even if it hurts you. Luhan.. I've never took in such pain in my life.

I take in a deep breathe as Luhan walks away. He pulls his hands away from mine, gets up and leaves without another word. Luhan.. I've only just thought, that you could be hurting more than me. It's not impossible.

I slap myself in the face, wishing I'd see everything more clearer. If this is how you can be happy, I'll let go. If this is the only way your smile could return, I'll stay out of your sight.

Someone sits besides me, but I don't think I have the strength to turn my head and face them. I've spent all my effort into fighting the war. The war between me and the pain I'm going through. I'm trying to smile and not give up, but the pain is taking over me. Maybe pain won because I don't know how to be happy anymore.

"Hey.. do you know how much my heart aches to see you like this?" He says.

It's Lay.. why do I keep thinking it's Luhan? After what he just said, why would it be Luhan? It's impossible for him to forgive me.

"Lay.. just leave me alone. I want some time alone, will you do me a favor and leave?" I replied.

"No. I'm not going to leave a girl here in pain. I won't because I don't want you to be crying your eyes out when I leave. I care for you and you know that. Let me take over Luhan's position and let me be the one to love you correctly, and to make you smile." He says, smiling at me.

"Can you not joke around? I don't have time for you!" I shouted. I pushed him away and got up off the floor. I walked off in anger. Lay hugs me from the back and whispers, "Please.. I'm serious, give me a chance to show you I can make you smile."

I try to get free from his grip and eventually I do. I slap him and said very seriously, "Look.. you and I has no future. It's not like I can tell my heart to stop loving Luhan and start loving you. It's just I don't have those feelings for you. Please stay away from me for a while."

"Hey.. you and Lay has a future, it's you and I, who doesn't have a future. Don't talk back to Lay like that. I've told you very clearly. Why can't you just forget me?! I'm tired of this problem that seems to never end. Lay loves you so much, you can see it. Don't even mention my name anymore. I was only just thinking about being friends a minute ago, but now I really don't even want to be your classmate, I don't want to know you at all!" Luhan yelled. Luhan pushes me a little from Lay and walks away.

It frightened me because he all of a sudden just appeared in Lay and I's conversation. But what frightens me more is how he's encouraging me to be with Lay.. does he really not have feelings for me anymore? Yes maybe he did tell me clearly that he won't be with me anymore, yes he told me how he can't forgive me, but I still want to love him. Somehow and for some reason, I don't want to let go. The only thing I want to let go of is our pains, our miseries that will haunt us in the future. I want to hold onto only our sweet and loving memories. In only a month, so much can happen. All this seems more like years. But I'm glad it's only a month because if it was for the rest of high school, I don't think I can manage to live any longer. It's crazy how I thought I could lie to Luhan and everyone else for the rest of the school. At least he found out sooner than later. He'd be even more upset with me and he'll be even more hurt if it was any later. Maybe he would have gone through many more bullets than the one he took for me already. That's one thing I can be happy of. To lie wasn't even a good start at all. I should have known. I was blinded by what I thought was heaven. Friends..a proper life. What does that even mean compared to a life with Luhan? I'll have a life better than a proper life.. That's only if I was with Luhan.. that's if I didn't lie.

Lay comes hugging me, knowing I'm hurt. Somehow I could be upset with him and pushing him away just minutes ago, but now, I hugged him tight. My head is buried in his chest as I cry and cry. Let me just imagine that he's Luhan..

"It's okay.. I'll be here for you always. Cry. Just cry it all out. You'll feel a lot better." Lay whispers as he pats me on the back. I wonder.. does Lay love me that much? He knows how I've hurt Luhan, he knows Luhan is like his brother, he knows being with me is going against Luhan. Luhan will never let anyone whom he loves to be near me. In order to be by my side to comfort me, does Lay fight him when I don't know? If so, Lay, please stop. I'll only love Luhan. He's my one and only who can make me smile like the world's biggest idiot, but also the only one who can make me cry like the biggest crybaby ever.

...To Be Continued~~~

Sorry if there are any mistakes! And hope you're enjoying the story. I'm not 100% sure of it yet but this is just a heads up: This story might end at around chapters 45 or maybe more. Anyways, hope everyone is having a wonderful day! Thank you so much for supporting me by reading! hehe <3