Every Second There Is Love

Chapter Thirty Seven ~ Forgive Me

Chapter Thirty Seven ~ Forgive Me

~My Point of View~

I walked hand in hand with Lay, smiling as if he was Luhan. But then, Luhan passed by us, hand in hand with another girl. His smile was so beautiful, but he was laughing with another girl. That girl wasn't me, but Nancy. The girl who was my reason to lie. Because I knew she was evil and rude, I lied to keep her away from Luhan and I. But in the end, she wins over me any day. She's so much prettier, so much nicer, so much more popular than me. It makes sense that Luhan will never be mine. Luhan and Nancy is so much better than Luhan and (YourName). Wait.. Luhan is with Nancy? My eyes widened. What about Mike?! I thought Mike and Nancy are dating! But then why is she cheating on him with Luhan? I let go of Lay's hand and chased after Luhan.

"Luhan! Luhan!" I shouted. "Luhan! It's dangerous to be the third person of a relationship. You know that Mike and Nancy are dating.. but why are you.. holding hands with her?" My voice lowers as I questioned him about them holding hands. Luhan pushed me to the floor.

"Don't make up lies anymore.. Nancy is done with Mike. They broke up already.. if you feel so bad for Mike, why don't you go date him then?" Luhan yells.

Luhan walks away as if nothing happened. Is he even manly still? He pushed me to the floor and doesn't even offer me a hand. Maybe it's true that when you treat others terribly, they'll do the same back to you. I lied to Luhan and left him hanging. Luhan.. you're still my manly deer. Always. No matter how you change. Lay kneels down next to me and hugs me tight and whispers, "Mike and Nancy broke up already.."

After all my effort in trying to get them together, this is what I get in return. I knew this day would come someday. The someday is today, where Nancy takes Luhan from me. I lied to make sure he was mine, I've pretended to have a thing with Lay to make sure that Luhan will come back to my side, realizing how much he misses me. I did everything I could but I guess it wasn't enough to make him stay. If I was going to lose him from the beginning why would I even have put in any effort? Now I've only let him go with scars. It's so complicated but yet simple. It's all because I lied.. I hate myself, I hate myself so much because what I thought was really nothing, was something.

Lay hugged me tighter and tighter as more and more tears flowed down. I feel so useless and dumb. Whatever I do is wrong in Luhan's eyes. I was so dumb to think it was helping "us". "Us" that never even existed. I feel so useless, why do I need to be living? What's more important than Luhan? Nothing.. it was because of him who made me feel useful, but now I realized I'm useless either with him or without him. Love conquers everything and I've already lost. The love I have for Luhan, it's hurting me. I can't carry on anymore. Loving him would only hurt Luhan more and more. If I can kill myself, my love would stop, then that'll mean he won't be hurt anymore. He'll live a normal life. A life without me, happier ever after. I'll leave one message for everyone before I go.

I grabbed my phone, sent a link to Luhan and to all teachers of the school. The link leads to a video group chat. I placed my phone and also a camera on record in front of me. I took in a deep breathe. Maybe they won't even care or bother to watch but that'll be even better for them to forget me.

"It's even better than you're not watching and listening to what I have to say. I don't want to make you pity me and worry for me when in the first place i don't deserve it. It's best for me to do this because everyone will forget me and I'll become the unknown girl who existed to leave people with scars and pain. This is the last and only thing I can do to help others. I'll stop breathing, so there's more oxygen for those who need it more than me. I'll stop eating, so those who need it more than me, can have food. I'll stop drinking water, so those who desperately needs it, can have water. I'll stop living, so people won't gain more scars anymore. I'll leave the world, so people can forget the memory of pain. It's so silly of me, everyone knows by now about Luhan and I. Don't hurt Luhan anymore, don't mention him about me. Let him forget me because I did try to make him jealous by being with Lay, but nothing worked out. Every time I was with Lay, I pretended it'll be Luhan. It's silly but he already found someone else. He's so much happier with her as well. It makes me feel so useless, that after all that I thought was right, was wrong. No matter what I do, it'll never be right in his eyes. I don't know what I can do because this is who I am, a failure. I'm sorry for being me. I don't want to keep reminding you of the past. I need to go. ...."

~Luhan's Point of View~

Something just doesn't feel right. It's not true, she's not going to jump off the building. She just needs people to pity for her again. I can't believe teachers are watching this and even making the students watch this act. Man she should just go to drama class. She'll get like all A's for the rest of the year.

No matter how much I deny that it's the truth, no matter how many times I tell myself she's pretending, I feel tears in my eyes. I feel like dying inside because what if it is true. What if she does jump off? What will I do then? How can I tell her the truth?

~Flashback~

"I wanted to make you jealous Luhan! I know you'll think I'm just a player. Lay talked with me and thought up of a plan to help me to make you jealous. So I agreed. I.." (YourName) said.

"Again and again.. you think of crappy ideas to get what you want. First, you lied so you can have friends and stop people from bullying you. Now you're going to use other people to get what you want? There's no excuses, you make me sick. I really hate you! What's next? You're going to hurt more people to get what you want?" I shouted at her. I left and looked for Nancy.

"Hey, Nancy. Can you do me a favor?" I asked politely.

"Sure what is it?" Nancy replied.

"Can you pretend to break up with Mike and date me. Let's put up a show for (YourName). I want her to understand the feeling of using other people. You know how she's helped you and Mike get together? Well because of me, I'm going to 'ruin' her effort. I want her to wake up and realize the things she's doing. I want her to know that it's not okay for her to do it." I explained.

"Wow.. but is it really necessary?" Nancy questioned with a worried look.

"Of course.. she'll never understand the pain others are going through if she doesn't go through it herself. It's the same when you bullied her but then you were bullied afterwards. You realized how it's like to be on the other side, now I need her to understand the other side as well." I continued to explain.

"Okay, I'll only do it this one time." Nancy agreed.

~End of Flashback~

Should I feel guilty right now? I pulled out my phone, placed it in front of me, went to the link then closed my phone. Why should I watch it? I put my phone in my pocket. But.. I should, just in case. I took out my phone again and to the link to watch the video and ran out to the front of the school. I'll see if she's really at the top of the school. For who knows, she might be in a room with windows, and pretending it's outside at the top of the roof. I take suicide very seriously, but I don't think she's being serious. She's just making a big mess but police are actually coming. She can fool the world.. but not me.

...To Be Continued~~~

I cried writing this ! omg lol prepare to cry even more on the next chapter? Well maybe you won't but I did!! Ahh~ Thank you for reading my fanfic, I love you! Love you love you ~ have a beautiful day.