Every Second There Is Love

Chapter Thirty Three ~ I Love You

Chapter Thirty Three ~ I Love You

Honestly, I don't know how to go on living my life. What is love anyways? What is love to me? That it can overcome my whole mind and heart completely? Is Luhan's love really essential? If his love isn't essential, why would I care if he hates me. But I believe I need him. I believe that we should be together but I don't want to hurt him anymore. My mind is filled with thoughts that I'll ruin his life, again. As much as I really want to make him happy, I'm afraid I'm not that star that lights up his whole life. I need a hand to lead me through this blind love. I'm so unsure now of why I love him so much that I just can't seem to forget him. I see him smiling on his own, happier than ever as if he has nothing so bothersome. Do I really want to ruin his perfect smile?

The guy from behind rushes to class as I'm lost in my own thoughts. Luckily the guy didn't say anything to Luhan yet. I know Luhan is probably unsure of whether to be around me or not. But it's okay, as long as I can be with him for just another minute, everything will be fine. I'll smile as if we're still a couple.

"Yah! You're are so cool! Even after hurting him, you have the guts to be with him still. So brave, you must love him a lot in order to really want to be with him." Rosie said.

I wanted to punch her in the face but also hug her. The way she says it makes me look like a player but the words at the end is really true, I do love him a lot. Rosie is a friend I made in the beginning of the year when I started to tell the lie. I'm so glad that she's willing to forgive me and support me but sometimes her words aren't so good to hear. I have no right to even say things like that about her when she suits Luhan a lot more than I do. She doesn't care what others think about her, she's pretty, and sweet. . . . . I can't believe I'm actually thinking about that. But if they're really together, I'm a hundred percent sure Luhan will be a lot happier than being with me. I'll be much happier too, I don't want to be with him and have feelings of regret for hurting him before.

"Is it true? That we dated before?" Luhan questioned with a worried but pleasant look.

~Luhan's Point of View~

Truthfully, I really wanted to smile. Because at one point in time, we were together. Yet I'm worried, not because of what she's done in the past, but because of not knowing if we're still together or not. Whatever she's done in the past, I can forgive her because if it's meant to be for me to fall for her again, there's no doubt I'm letting her go. I admit, I fell for her at love sight. The moment she turned to me when I put my jacket around her, my heart never beated any faster. I honestly rather fall in love with her because of the way I am when she's around rather than to fall for her personality. Why? Because there's thousands and millions of girls across the world whose probably just as sweet as her. I don't want to fall in love with all the millions of girls around the world, I just want to fall for her only.

For her to tell me the words "We never met before till now" must hurt her a lot if we were together before. For my happiness, she'll pretend like we're strangers. Or does she think that we can be together like before without me knowing the past? That won't make any sense either though because I'm the one who went up to her first by giving her my jacket. When we started talking about her, she avoided answering me directly and changed the subject to bringing me to class. She's clearly hoping I don't remember the past so I can be happy. Her love is so pure.

~My Point of View~

"Can I not reply to your question? You'll hear it from the whole school soon, just let the silence be. I want to be with you smiling rather than telling you the silly mistake I made in the past with a frown on my face. Even if it's just another minute or even seconds to be with you, let it happen with smiles." I whispered as I tried to hold back my tears.

My eyes fill with tears but I can't let them fall down. I'll be positive and smile on. With Luhan next to me, there shouldn't be a reason why I should cry. I stop walking, as we arrive to Luhan's classroom. The time is too short.. can I get another minute? I just can't to walk away. More and more tears form in my eyes that it just falls because my eyes can't hold in so much tear at once. I hug Luhan tight. My head buried his chest, I cried and cried. I really miss him a lot. I miss hugging him like this. I miss us and all our happy times together.

"I'm sorry," I cried as I left his side, I ran and ran. I didn't know to where, but just anywhere where Luhan can't see me.

I said sorry in advance, because I know he'll hear a lot about me. I don't know how to face him when he hears the truth. It's impossible for him to forgive me. I really couldn't believe how dumb I was to believe that I still had another chance with him.

~Luhan's Point of View~

Seeing her cry hurts so much, I don't know why. It just makes my heart ache so much. It's like I've never felt so much pain in my life, I just want to cry. From what I see, she's such an amazing girl, and to think she's so hurt because of me, I feel so ashamed. If I knew she was going to let go of me, I would have hugged her tight so she won't be able to leave my world.

"Luhan! You're in my class now? Yah I can't believe you're still with (YourName)... She lied to you and you're still going to be her friend? Don't tell me you two are dating.." said the guy who previously shouted at me as (YourName) walked me to class.

"I'm sorry.. but who are you? And what did she lie to me about? I lost my memory.. she's just bringing me to my class. What's going on?" i questioned as I was a bit confused of how to respond to him. Was I suppose to know him?

"You lost your memory?! Ohh that makes sense.. getting shot in the head? Yah you must be strong to survive that bullet! I'm Jordan by the way." Jordan responded. "Oh.. so what happen was that there's a girl named Nancy, and she use to bully (YourName). The whole school bullied her but you were her only friend. You protected her from harm then one day she came to school claiming she had an illness. Everyone was so shocked and felt terrible to bully her so they started to bully Nancy and became 'friends' with (YourName). In the end, it was all a lie. Don't you remember what you said? Man, you gave a hell of a speech! It's definitely hard to forgive her though, especially as her man. You were so mad, you even broke up with her. Nancy's brother, Brandon was so mad, he swore for revenge which is how you got shot and stabbed. He's in jail now though, but be careful, I heard he ordered some of his guys to make sure you and (YourName) aren't together." Jordan added on.

Did all that happen? Over one lie? I don't see why I can be upset over that? Why was I even upset? The fact that I have to protect her more? Shouldn't that be my job as her boyfriend? Making me worried over nothing.. well shouldn't I always be worried as her boyfriend? This really upsets me, that I was never a good boyfriend to her. Back then I use to protect her.. but why is it now I feel too shy to confess to her. I'm really not mad, maybe I was before, but not now.

Jordan shows me a video, posted on youtube, about when the shooting and stabbing happened. That is really me.. even after I was, I came rushing to protect her, to take the knife and bullet for her. I didn't think I was that brave to do so. It all makes sense that I've lost my memory now..

I suddenly feel like I've gained all memory, but up to a certain point. Lay.. where are you? We had a fight over (YourName) before, that's the last thing I can remember..

...To Be Continued~~~

Thank you so much for reading~ Comments are always appreciated! Have a wonderful day(: Always smile even if you're under really dark, dark clouds. Let's support EXO and each individual member! No matter what decisions they make, let's hope it turns out for the better! (: