Hurricane

Road Trip

I woke up the next morning to the sound of my alarm blaring in my ear. I quickly felt around trying to get it to shut up. I finally find the off button and rolled over groaning.

I rub my eyes trying to become coherent. I finally get awake and go to move when I noticed an arm was laying across my waist. I look over to see a sleeping Kelly Severide.  Seeing him so peaceful brings a smile to my face.

I slowly move his arm so I can get up to go take a shower. I quietly made my way into my bathroom and close the door. I strip off my clothes and look in the mirror to see I had bruises forming from the accident.

I could defiantly see the outline of the seatbelt going down across my body. I grabbed my pain medication off the counter and take out a couple pills. I look in the mirror and suddenly a memory flashed before my eyes.

***

Flashback

I looked at the 5 little white pills in my hand and knew I shouldn't be taking that many but I needed it to make it through the day. I threw the pills into my mouth and washed them down with some water.

I then heard our 6 month old son crying from his room. I headed in there and got him out of his crib. "Shhh sweet pea it's okay." I began to bounce him and walk over to the rocking chair we had in his room.

Luke came into the room a couple minutes later with a bottle for Nicholas. I began to feed our son as my husband watched me. Luke knew what was going on with me but he didn't know how to help. So he just acted like he didn't know.

I feel the effects of the medication starting to set in and I feel like I am floating on cloud nine.

Once I was done feeding Nicholas we headed downstairs and I placed him in his walker while Luke and I went to make some breakfast.

I start to make pancakes when I feel like there is an elephant in the room and that Luke wants to say something. "Luke, honey what's wrong?" I heard him sigh.

"The bottle is almost empty Kat..." I sigh trying to ignore where this conversation was going. "You just got them a couple days ago."

I kept making the pancake mix ignoring him still.

"Damnit Kat!" He slammed the bottle of orange juice on the counter making me jump. "What are you going to do when you're out?! What are you going to do if we get drug tested at work?!"

"I don't know Luke!" I threw the wooden spoon into the bowl of pancake mix. "I feel all this pressure to be the best mom! the best lieutenant! the best wife! It's how I cope and make sure I am all those things!" I screamed, tears rolling down my cheeks.

I could instantly see Luke regretting bringing up the conversation but it was something that had to be done. Luke walked over and engulfed me in a hug and let me sob into his shoulder.

"I need help Luke."

"I know baby." I felt his hand pat my hair and him place a kiss to my temple. "We are going to get you through this I promise."

End Flashback

***

The memory of Luke and Nicholas made me tear up and remember how messed up I was at that point. It took me another year to get clean after that breakfast.

I rolled the two pills between my thumb and my finger going back and forth with myself on if I should take them. "Just this bottle. No more." I told myself staring at my reflection in the mirror. I took the two pills and washed them down with some water.