stuck with a phobia ; lee felix

39 - bitter

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The night seemed as loud as the thoughts submerging in my head. Utter silence in the cabin, but loud echoes were pulsing through.

I sat down, drenched in my wet clothes for about five minutes trying to process all the ruckus I just went through.

It all started off with me coming here solely for books, then I suspected Felix liking me off of a strange comment, then the bookhut closes on me and Felix and I go canoeing to which I nearly drowned.

What the hell was too weak of a response to it all. This was the kind of shit I'd expect to find in books. What was I? The pitiful and idiotic main character?
At least stop making me feel so shitty dear author.

Worried about catching a cold, I quickly changed into new clothes, and dried my hair. I didn't even bother to "fancy up" since my mood along with my spirit died.

To my surprise, I find Felix waiting behind the door all dried up. His brows knitted down and his eyes gleamed apologetically.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. If only I paid attention to-"

"It's fine," is all I say as I walk past him. Even thinking back to myself sinking into the lake made me shake. The loud music and screaming began to irritate me more. It was crawling up my skin.

I was thirsty, and needed a drink as soon as possible so I could somehow attempt to sleep. When I stopped at the booth, footsteps followed closely behind.

"I can get that for you," Felix grabs the cup out of my hands.

I try to get it back, but he pulls away, shaking his head. "I got it." he insists and I clenched my jaw.
When he was done, I snatched it from him harshly, then grabbed a bottle of water.

"Maybe you should respect it when someone says they got it handled." I snap.

Felix's eyes grow wide as he purses his lips. For a good minute, neither of us spoke and it seemed like Felix was conversing with himself before his expression went back to normal.

"Are you mad at me?" he asks, but I turn away.

"No."

"You're lying. Look Hae, I would be mad at me too. I can't believe I could have lost you, it's..."

I stop and sigh, looking back at him. "No need to blame yourself. I'm not upset over that. We can't change what happened."

Felix looks at me with uncertainty and I could see the fear drawn in his eyes. I appreciate the apology, but I just wanted to be left alone for the rest of the night.

"Would you like something to eat? You can head back and I'll bring something to you." he continues.

I wave my hand dismissively and grunt. "No."

"Hae, wait!" He catches up. "Then what's wrong?"

I shut my eyes and keep walking.

"You've been acting off all day. What's bothering you?"

I pause and my nails dug into the plastic bottle to the point where it began to leak.
I don't know why, but when he said that, it felt like someone tossed a brick to the back of my head. Like the sticks of dynamite buried inside me were finally set off, prepared to explode.