stuck with a phobia ; lee felix

eternal starlight

☾✰

"Well I guess I've had my fun with her. Maybe I should move on."

The air was suddenly strained, suffocating me until I could barely feel a wisp of it. I stood there for a few seconds while replaying his words over and over again until they didn't feel like proper sentences anymore. I tried so hard to convince myself that perhaps my ears had misheard. Yet, no matter how many times I reimagined the scenario, they came back out the same.

His words pierced through me, tearing through the barricades and impaling my heart with a venomous incision. Is this what heartbreak feels like? Because it feels so much worse than the one I felt nine years ago.

Ivy's loud gasp rang in my ears at the same time my heart dropped all the way to ground zero. Not even in the pit of my stomach anymore—just, down. Down to the ground, in the soil for all the worms and bugs to eat the scabby thing I had just started to treasure.

Part of me wanted to believe that this was all just a misunderstanding, and I shouldn't allow my paranoia to win. But with all that was in front of me, it was impossible to believe otherwise. Who else could he be talking about with words like that?

The tears that I let drench my eyes were not because Felix found someone else, but because he found someone else while lying to me. Because I stayed away from him from the very beginning and caused such a commotion because I was scared that something like this would happen. And it did happen.

Right in front of me.

I bite my lips to stop myself from screaming "Fucking liar! Traitor!" but I wasn't malicious enough to ruin his party in front of so many people.

So I'll just leave.

I had to leave this party and leave Felix. These intrusive thoughts and disdained memories of us shattered my heart even more; I wasn't sure if there was anything left in my chest at this point.

Felix turns around, and he catches my tear stained face. Before he could smile, his mouth hangs open and I turn to escape.

I don't want to hear his bullshit lies anymore. I don't care about what he has to say.

His quick footsteps echoed behind me, "Hae wait!"

It took everything within me to not turn back around and snap at him, but a sudden gentle voice calls out his name and I freeze in place.

His footsteps halt as well, and I stop breathing for a second when a woman repeats, "Felix."

I watch his broadened eyes dart from his dad to his mom and then back to the other girl he was dancing with. His feet were compressed onto the ground, as if he was unsure if reality was being a blissful dream right now.

"Mom? Dad? What are you guys doing here?" His voice croaked, and I can hear the uncertainty soaking his chest.

For a second, I forget about the ache in my own chest and just observe the sorrowful smiles painted on both their faces. My heart tore apart, but there was a light feeling that kept some ligaments together.

The fact that I was able to bring his parents home for his eighteenth birthday brought in a strange feeling of accomplishment. I hope this was a better gift than my mom's old brownie pan.

A pending silence scattered into the open air, despite the hammering noise of the music. We all just stood around, and my eyes traveled to the girl in the red dress. Even her mouth hung open, and I wasn't sure why she looked like she cared so much about his parents.

Whatever happens now was between them, so I use this opportunity to escape—bolt out the room without direction. I don't know where my legs were taking me, but my heart felt too heavy to carry the rest of my weight. My feet somehow glided up the stairs, and I winded up in a random room.