stuck with a phobia ; lee felix

safe haven

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The wind gently stroked my face as I sat on the school bench. It was carved carefully with bark and situated perfectly on the rooftop where the city seemed like it was in reach. The serenity of being so high up was unmatched as I was  distant from the masses of teenage obnoxiousness and just engulfed in the quiet momentum of my own company.

And yet the abrupt notion of the doors slamming open tears through my moment of tranquility as I mentally slap myself. My body jolts forward and I jump out of my thoughts. Way to jinx it, Hailee.

"Hey loser, watch out!" A familiar, loud voice warned. Before I could even turn around and react, a cold juice box hits me in the back of my head. The impact of it nearly topples me out of my seat.

"Ivy!" I exclaimed, irritated especially because her loud entrance ruined my solitary paradise. "That hurts!"

She released a snort, "A little pain from a juice box can't do much."

I rolled my eyes at her nonchalance, and continued to unpack my lunch. Today's menu consisted of the usual sandwich I bring everyday, my tongue was accustomed to the taste of bread mushed together with turkey and cheese.  I try not to complain though, at least I had something to feed me even if it was the same thing.

As I pick up the juice box that once hit me on the back of my head, Ivy starts, "Has it always been this quiet?"

I halt.

Was she discontent with my company?

Ivy and I hardly have any classes together, so lunch was the only time where we could see each other and catch up. She spends her lunch period with me everyday, and sometimes I'm afraid to think if it's ever out of pity.

I don't have many friends, or any friends actually. Besides Ivy, I do not speak with anyone nor intend on getting to know them. As long as I have Ivy, I don't see the need to know anyone else.
One close friend for me beats having a quantity of people I feel uncomfortable around.

But perhaps I've been too absorbed in my own comfort to even consider how secluded Ivy must feel to spend lunch with me everyday, and separated from her other friends.

"Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with just you, but—"
As her voice trails off, I realize what kind of a conversation this is pivoting towards, and I was not about to enjoy it.

"Don't even Ivy," I cut her off. "Besides you, I'd rather just spend time alone."

She did this constantly. Ivy would give her best efforts to ensure I meet other people, so I could "crawl out of my shell. I refused every time, and she still doesn't give it up.

I know she's concerned that I don't make an effort to get to know other people, especially since we're a year away from graduating high school—but I just don't see the point of it. Why get close to people that inevitably leave you?

"You're already loud enough," I added, only to be punched hard on the shoulder.

"Admit it Hae, you love my reckless behavior regardless," she winked as her lips curved upwards slyly.

"I sure do Ives, I sure do."

As we clean what was left of our lunch, the bell echoes in our ears and I sigh. Back to the crowded halls and tedious classes with lectures granting the worst headaches.

"Let's meet at the book cafe after school?" I asked, before pushing the door open.

"Its a date," Ivy jokes, and I roll my eyes with a grin on my lips.

~~

My mind was somewhat at ease knowing I was sitting at the last class of the day. I drew in a long sigh as I thought about how good it was going to feel when my back hits my mattress soon and I would sleep away today's worries and intrusive thoughts.

Our Economics teacher, Mr. Yang, walks in and clears his throat as if he was just as excited to start the lecture right away.

Instead, he begins the class with an announcement, "Before I begin with today's lesson, I'd like to inform you all that we have a new student that just enrolled into our school. He'll be starting his first day tomorrow, and will be taking this class. I expect you all to treat him in a welcoming manner, and please—have decorum," he pleaded the last bit while eyeing the group of girls that tend to be arrogantly loud.

With just that sudden announcement, he turns over to the board, and moves on with the lesson. I already hear the whispers about our new classmate begin—questions on how he might look or where he's from.

I was thinking about how loud the next few weeks will seem as everyone fawns over a new boy. However, it doesn't faze me as I know to keep my distance. It's not like we'll be friends, nor will I ever need to speak with him. I am not going to risk getting myself attached.

~~

I enjoyed the particular walk to the book cafe. My headphones were in and the weather was incredible—what a better way to savor the feeling of living? Every step I took led me to taking in a sweet aroma of freshly baked goods from the bakery at the end of the block. I was tempted, oh so tempted, but I decided to save my money.

Besides, I was looking forward to meeting Ivy once again at our favorite book cafe. My favorite place. I rely on this simple spot to get away from everything when things get stressful, when I need to concentrate on my studies, have a good book to read in general, and to just relax.

Crossing the street, I spot Ivy in front of the shop, crouching on her knees...negotiating with a toddler? What in the world is she doing now?    

I watch from the distance grabbing a caramel colored bear key chain from her bag and handing it over to the toddler, as the toddler gives away a silver bracelet.

I march up them, but as soon as I approach Ivy, the toddler disappears. She spots me and grabs my shoulders, shaking me wildly in excitement, "Can you believe it?! I got a charm bracelet signed with Lee Soohyuk's initials!"

"Goodness Ivy, what the hell?! You gave away the key chain I gave you just for a charm bracelet?!" I shot back a little hurt.

"It's not just any bracelet though, it's-"

"Yeah, yeah it has Soohyuk's initials. So amusing," I rolled my eyes, quickly forgiving her because even though I couldn't understand the heart of a fangirl, I knew it was something special to her.

"I can die happy now," she exclaimed, examining the bracelet she just managed to get very closely. I couldn't help but laugh at her cute admiration, "Gosh, what are you, 12?"

"Yeah, outta 10."

I breathed out a heavy sigh  and walked into the café, "Whatever, you owe me cookies."

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Well that ends it for the first chapter, stay tuned!