stuck with a phobia ; lee felix

40 - bleak

☾✰

Falling asleep was hard.

It was probably half past 11 when chaos still spewed outside. Though it wasn't why I couldn't fall into a warm slumber, it was more of the fact that every time I closed my eyes, all that hazed my vision were random memories between Felix and I.

His free laughter—how he doesn't even try to hide his innocent smile, but allows it to flare off easily. The way he greets me enthusiastically every time we see each other, even for a brief second in the hallway. It was upsetting to see it all whisk away like strong waves crashing a fragile sandcastle.

I couldn't put my finger on what was really going on, because he never crosses my mind the way he was running through it right now.

Perhaps it was the guilt.

The guilt was encircling around me, ready to pull me into its pit as I burn in it with agony. It was so annoying to feel guilty for having feelings, for reacting the way I do.

I can't do this.

Pulling the blanket off, I get up and arch my back. Sleeping on the floor was definitely way out of my comfort.

Although I felt like I'd get dizzy if I took a mere step outside, being alone inside seemed to suffocate me more.

A small walk couldn't hurt, right?

Probably not, but hopefully I don't run into Felix.

~~

The wind seemed to draft lighter and lighter as the night progressed. The stalls and booths were not as crowded like they previously were, but a good amount still occupied them.

I had no idea where I was heading honestly, but the gentle breeze colliding against my skin felt refreshing. It was soft enough to let my hair loose without carrying a hair tie.

Hair ties.

Felix would always carry one on his wrist when I didn't. I could still feel his finger tips brush against the jungle of knots hiding within my hair. He would comb down the strands so delicately and cautiously, goosebumps would form the minute his skin touched the back of my bare neck.

I should stop.

Reminiscing all the things he's done with me makes me feel as if I was starting to get attached. I mean what did I expect really when we became friends? Not that I had any clue, I was just going with it all until I realized how the distance between us was too damn close.

"You don't trust me at all?"

I shut my eyes. His fucking voice keeps ringing in my ears.

When I open them, a familiar distant glow catches my attention. My mouth hangs open and for some reason I'm a bit reluctant to head towards it.

I walk forward anyway, and once I reach it, a sweet and rhythmic voice chirps from behind me and I feel a small pair of arms hug my waist.

"You made it after all!" Remi exclaims as I touch the two hands wrapped around me. 

"Remi," I found myself smiling.

She lets go and walks in front, pouting up at me.
"I genuinely thought you were going to go back on your word. Mira and I were waiting," she crosses her arms, and though she said it sadly, relief washed over her eyes.

"Some stuff came up. You guys weren't here when I came by, and then I almost drowned, and now I'm just trying to relax as the night goes along."

I watch her eyes slowly broaden as I explained. "Wait, what? You almost drowned?" Then her eyes roam all over my body, concern plastered on her like glass. "Are you okay? Are you hurt? Are you internally dying? Wait theres a medic here!"