stuck with a phobia ; lee felix

forever ours

☾✰

"Did you know the last three letters of your name is my surname? We're basically married," Felix says with chocolate crumbs smeared across his heart shaped lips.

"Can you go one second without spewing some dumb shit out loud," I deadpan, although I secretly love his random outbursts. His mouth would reinstate the most moronic remarks, and I'd still love him for it.

My head tilts upwards, eyes encircling around the midnight sky embellished with diamonds scattered across. The tranquil bliss of the breeze consumes me and I am lost in the serenity of this midsummer air once more. My fingers stretch to stroke the waves of soft grass dancing underneath the luminance of the moon, free in the comfort of nature.

If I had to strike just one commonality between Felix and I, it'd be our love for nature. Besides the haven I feel in his arms, it will always be this field that draws our hearts into one.

It's funny how time changes perspective, and how perspectives contribute to our memories.
It was only a few months ago in which Felix had taken me to this empty field after I saw dad unexpectedly at the mall.

I asked Felix then, in this same spot right across from the pond that retells a thousand stories, why do people fall in love?

It feels like a stupid question now, but my eyes are wide awake. I used my past to cloud my vision and nearly my entire being trying to define the question myself. Because truly, how could I believe in love if it was ripped away from me?

I didn't realize then that there had been love by my side this entire time. Now that he sits besides me, hands intertwined between mine, his head slouching on my shoulder and I can identify his vanilla oak scent from a mile's radius—I see that love is incredible.

Felix was right. People don't really need a reason to be in love. It just happens.

He just happened to show up in autumn of last year, and bring color into my desolated and bleak entirety.

And just three weeks ago, we shared our first kiss. Two weeks since I've reclaimed my life from the tantalizing phobia shrinking my heart until it was just barely there.

I turn over to catch a glimpse of my boyfriend, only to find him looking at me with furrowed eyebrows. He looks incredibly offended. "It's true though. Hai-lee. Felix Lee. See!"

"I've seen enough," I toy with him, and roll my eyes while my heart tickled.

"Come on Hae," he speaks in a devious voice, poking my shoulders, "We all know you want my hand in marriage."

I scoffed, "More like you want my hand in marriage."

"Can you two shut up Jesus Christ," Hyunjin interrupts us out of nowhere. "We get it, you guys are in love. Stop spreading that shit in our faces."

"Someone's got envy in their eyes," Minho snickers while feeding Jeongin a bit of his brownie.

"Shut it Grandpa, you're just as lonely as I am," Hyunjin snarls.

"I am not lonely. I have three cats."

"Hyung, that just makes it sound sad," Jeongin whispers, and Changbin lets out a cackle.

Amidst a bunch of stray kids bickering about their empty love lives, I feel a soft peck on my cheek. I turn over and see that soulful smile embark on the edges of Felix's cheeks. His eyes coruscating like his effervescent personality, his dimples so deep.

I smile back, and it was our little notion that conveyed the message: "I'm always right here."

I've known him for a year, but every single time that smile creeps onto his face, a lightness takes conquest of my heart, and I'm suddenly a stranger with a pounding heart again.