stuck with a phobia ; lee felix

unable to confide

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There are days when you just wish for a soul to be by your side, someone there to empathize with. Someone with an open ear that would listen to your heartfelt problems, and would just be willing to be there for you.

But there are also days where you want to be left alone, not wishing to utter a single string of words. Not wanting to observe any pitiful faces or mocking reactions to your pain. You just want to be alone.

Today, I didn't know what I wanted. Perhaps I wanted to let it all out to Felix, maybe I wanted to be enclosed in his hug forever.

I was too indecisive. And it's my overthinking that drives me to shut my mouth, seal it locked forever. It's the core of my problem, the root encouraging my fear.

Would everyone just leave me if we became too close?

It's best not to be attached, so I could refer to this moment as being side tracked. However, things did seem awkward now. I mean me, of all people, suddenly hugged Felix, the boy who hasn't even been here for 3 weeks, but already has girls swarming over him just for simple eye contact.

The Hailee Choi who swore not to let this boy come any closer to her, is the one dragging him in.

And it's pretty freaking difficult to let go of this awkward memory when Felix is relentingly yelling out my name as my pace quickens by each of his roars.

"Hailee! Wait up, please!"

I shut my eyes and stop for a second. I felt his gasps for air right behind me, so I turned around only to see him bending down with his hands on his knees.

"I-" he starts, as he's finally able to breathe properly again.

"Are you sure it's just sleep? If you're having a bad day, I'm always here for you, mate."

Mate.. I grinned a little at his charming accent.

He prompted again, "We're probably still strangers with each other, but I really do think of you as my friend, you know? I care about you, I care about your feelings, and I'm here to lend an ear if you need it. You don't have to go through it alone."

I had to admit, Felix's words were enough to bring tears into my eyes, but thank goodness it was dark out. My tightened chest loosened a bit. Knowing someone was willing to help me, and I didn't even have to ask? Doesn't that seem almost too good to be true?

An encouraging smile trailed on his lips, and a lot of me wanted to go for it and let him in, but the other bit remaining threatens me with the same terror. I guess it's better to be safe than sorry, right?

"Listen Felix," I stepped forward.

"Whatever you're thinking right now, is most definitely not happening. I'm okay, I'm fine and I just want to sleep. It's a Saturday and I'm tired after spending so much time at one sitting, but I appreciate your concern."

His smile grew smaller, but I gave it my all to sound less rude than the way I usually converse with him.

"It's been a long day, we both should go home."

Felix looked at me without a single trace of skepticism on his face, so he fortunately believes my half lies. He nods understandingly, which makes me direct him a gentle smile.

With that, I waved him goodbye and returned home.

~~

"Hailee, you're back," my mom said as she wrapped her arms around me.

She acts so differently through text; finally revealing her true nature huh?

"Yeah, I was just out with a...classmate."

"Ivy?"

"No, a classmate. He's a new student and we were assigned to work on a project together."

"Oh he's a boy.."

"Yes?" I had forgotten that'd she be wary about boys being around me now, after what had happened in her case.

"Anyway, there's no food so no dinner?" I asked, hoping my heart wouldn't shatter at her next remark.

"I was expecting you to do some groceries as usual, but it's too late now. I'll just order some pizza."

Of course. Because it was my responsibility to get grocery shopping done all the time, because she is in no state to buy anything without being drawn to some alcohol nearby.

"Oh by the way," my mom stopped in her tracks.

"I had a lot to clean up today, I really made a mess last night, didn't I?"

Yes.

"I apologize honey, if I said something strange and caused a disturbance. To be honest, I don't remember a single thing from last night. Whatever happened was because of my drunken state, I'm sorry you had to see me like that again," she ranted to me apologetically.

"It's alright," I murmured, lying completely. Using alcohol to cover up your "huge disturbance" isn't the best excuse. In fact mom, you did make a mess last night, an unforgettable one.

"Drunk minds speak sober thoughts," I whispered.

Mom called out from the kitchen, "What was that honey?"

"Nothing!"

Nothing at all.

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heyooo
like felix insisted in this chapter, if anyone ever needs an ear to be lent, i'm here. don't be afraid (or shy) to reach out, there are people care! stay safeee<3