stuck with a phobia ; lee felix

41 - the after-party

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"And then he puts me in a freaking chokehold only to slam me down on the couch! Like okay Changbin, we get that you're muscular. No need to act like you're part of the fucking WWE."

"Tell me more, Hyunjin." I deadpan, sliding my fingers across the caters of lockers in the hallway as we walked slowly to lunch.

It's Friday, and the week never felt longer. It's ridiculous how we were mandated to return back to school right after a hefty festival.

My condolences to those who partied too hard.

I, on the other hand, spent the last two days staring at my phone screen in pure anticipation.
Obviously I knew Felix wouldn't text me, but I gripped onto that loose string of hope even at this moment.

My phone felt so empty without Felix spamming my screen like usual. I missed the wholesome emojis he'd use, the random rants about losing uno with Chan, and the occasional stories he'd share about his childhood in Australia.

Oh I fucked up bad.

The audacity I have to want to reclaim it all when fear was cemented within me. I didn't fear Felix, I feared what he was doing to me.

When Hyunjin trudged towards me this morning at the gates, it caught me off guard. I thought Felix told them all about me "not wanting to be friends" with them, but it seems like they were all in the dark about what happened that night.

"Are you even listening Hailee?" Hyunjin asks a little disappointed. I turn around and eye the visible pout plastered on his lips as he looked down at me.

It wasn't like I was unamused by Hyunjin, I just couldn't give him my full attention when it's already
occupied.

"Do you really want the truth?" I slightly smile.

Hyunjin purses his lips, then crosses his arms over his chest. "So that's your way of saying no huh?"

I nod my head without hesitation, and he responds with a scoff. "You're really something, Hailee."

My body felt so light and relaxed whenever I talked to Hyunjin and the others, but then my thoughts trace back to that night as Felix put me on the spot with that question. It isn't even the fact that I never considered them my friends, of course they were. If only I wasn't so paralyzed by the suddenness of everything that day, maybe things would not have escalated this bad.

Felix didn't even sit next to me on the ride home. Not much of a shocker, but damn, it still hurt.

"Why do you look so worked up?" Hyunjin asks as he takes a step closer towards me. His gleaming eyes skimmed through my restless complexion, but I flinch back at the sudden closeness.
"It makes you look ugly."

The sudden flush faded as I punched his shoulder lightly. "Nothing can make me look ugly."

He laughs at my remark, and I watch as his eyes crease into little crescents.

I feel Hyunjin's hand rest on my head, patting it as I flinch again. I wasn't used to the sudden gesture, but for some reason it felt so needed at the moment.

"Stop stressing so much, just relax. Also, have you seen Felix at all today?"

My heart sunk to my stomach when he asked that. Come to think of it, I did not see him at all today, but I at least expected him to be at school? Be with his friends?

I just hope he was okay.

"No, I haven't," I mutter and Hyunjin only nods his head, totally unfazed.