❝𝘢𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘬𝘺, 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘪 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺?❞
"just let me love you, all of you. everything that you come with, i'll love you regardless."
after having her trust crushed into...
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Why do you exist? Why do you exist? Why do you exist? Why do you exist?
That'sall that was replaying in my head, in a constant loop that never seemed to end.
Not paying attention to a single detail of the drama in front of me, I shut it off and look out the window. Apparently not even a drama could take my mind off the words that were afflicting me.
Staring at the enormous tree that was right below the dark sky that barely possessed any stars tonight, I could only feel my chest growing heavier and heavier.
My heart felt like it was going up in flames, burning into ashes over and over again. My stomach kept turning in an unpleasant manner, which was probably from hunger to be honest. Still, I hadn't felt such in a way in almost 9 years, when my dad abandoned us.
It's nice to know my mother shares the same feeling with him too.
Screw these pathetic tears that fell endlessly.
I don't mean anything to her at all. My suspicions were spot on; she doesn't love me and I don't signify as something special in her life. I'm just a girl she knows, and feels obligated to take care of. I'm just a burden to her.
But maybe I did realize all this long before this incident even took place, and I just didn't want to believe it. I had hope and expectations that my mother of all people, would love and care for me, even if there was no one else who would.
Perhaps my skepticism is what led me to this misery, serving as evidence once more not to let my guard down, and to toughen up more so I don't let anyone betray me again.
I could live without the phoney love I once received from my dad, but it pains me to know that the love my mom used to shower me with was now all into flames. Vanished into the air, not a single trace to be found.
The thick air blew into my face, the hair in the front danced around like crazy, and I look over to the scented candle I had lit previously. The only reminiscence of light prevalent in my room and even though I should blow it out, my body felt numb. I couldn't move and didn't want to move, as if I were paralyzed.
Too much happened all in one night, and there was so much to think about. Where do I even start when my thoughts keep clashing against one another in an irrational manner.
Today was going to be a long, tough night. But at this moment, all I really wanted was some warmth. Someone to hug me and say it's going to be okay, but in the end there's only me. There's no one here to comfort or heal my wounds, my inner scars.
