stuck with a phobia ; lee felix

one chance

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"Hailee, you could've told me you were going inside instead of slipping in while I was admiring my bracelet for 5 minutes straight. I looked like a total maniac." Ivy whined with a pout, her fingers still tracing over the silver heart of her charm bracelet.

"Well then pay attention next time douchenugget," I snorted at the memory. "You are a maniac anyway, why not let the whole world know?"

Just then, my hair which was let loose, was yanked not too harshly. "Damn it Ivy, you don't have to get physical all the time!"

"Can't help it, it's just who I am," she sneered and walked into the direction of our hangout spot.

We had our own little room designated to us because of how often we visited the book café. I'd come here really frequently when I was younger, and still do because there's no way I'll ever grow tired of this place. Some may say I practically lived here, but truthfully this café felt like home.

Of course I was grateful for all my mom provided me with, and for the roof over our heads, but the memories spent here highlighted a much more positive place in my heart. There's not one detail I dislike about it, and I even met Ivy here. From the alluring menu to the limitless books stored on the pale wooded shelves, I still look around this cafe as if it's my first time, knowing nothing's really changed.

Because we came here so much, Ms. Lea, the owner,  gave us our very own personal space to use every time we come. It was awfully generous and convenient of her to do so, and thus we took the chance to personalize it.

The room wasn't significantly big, but it was more than enough space for us. The soft yellow walls blended in with the white marble floor, accompanied by an orange rug in the center. There was a huge window with white curtains across the room, and a desk to study for, bean bag chairs scattered on the floor, a small sofa placed in a corner, plant pots, and of course shelves of our favorite books attached on the walls. It was honestly perfect.

Walking in to smell the exquisite rose petal scent from the candles we always lit, Ivy and I dived onto the sofa, trying to catch up on what went on today.

"Today was pretty peaceful," we both started in unison, laughing at our identical thoughts.

I stretched my arms and legs out, feeling some sort of discomfort.

Not knowing why I felt this sudden apprehension led me to feel even more discomfort.

Lost in thought, a silence hovered over us and it was painfully noticeable.

Ivy cleared her throat, "Say Hailee, I heard there's someone new transferring to your first and last period class tomorrow?"

Then it clicked. The anxiousness I was feeling derived from the notion of a new student arriving at school. New students, particularly a boy, meant some sort of loud drama or gossip, them trying to befriend you and talk to you and I wasn't all about that.

I preferred staying to myself, and not getting close with anyone, besides Ivy of course. Not only could I not formulate conversation with others, but it seemed like people didn't like my aura either.

It hardly bothered me though, I didn't appreciate being close with people. The thought of attachment disgusted me.

"Earth to Hailee," Ivy waved her hands in front of my face as I quickly jolted up. "Oh good, I was about to flick your forehead after that."

Of course she was.

"Uh, oh yeah, everyone was talking about the new kid, I'm not surprised that you heard about it as well." I said, recollecting my thoughts.

"Are you— are you going to be okay?" Her tone heightened in concern.

"Yeah, don't worry we had new students before and none of them wanted anything to do with me after saying their first hello."

"Well I mean, your tone ranges from a harsh one to a not meaningful, and sarcastic one.  I don't think any new students would want to involve themselves in a hassle to know more about someone who's uninterested and irritated by them."

"That's a good thing," my lips curved up a little, and my hands reached out for the small circular pillow for another layer of comfort. "That's exactly what I want to portray. They're annoying, I'm not interested, and greetings like that are unnecessary."

Ivy just let out a long sigh, used to my same responses concerning making new friends every time. "Hailee, you can't just turn down every person you meet just because you're scared they'll leave you in the end. You didn't even give anyone a chance to show themselves to you. All you do is just assume they're bad news from the start and who knows what kind of amazing opportunities you missed out on because of your fear. Don't you think it's time to try to overcome it already?"

Hearing her words felt bad, but she was right. I'm well aware of how my fear affects me, and it bugs me a lot too. Sometimes I do feel remorse for shutting people out, but I can't just give out my trust like it's a piece of candy.

"Not everyone is like him, ya know?"

My eyes widened at her last statement. It took me back to unwanted memories. I took a deep breath in and out.

"I just don't think I'm ready."

"The new boy tomorrow? Let him in, don't turn him down. If he wants to befriend you, just let go and become his friend. I know you can do it, your personality is beautiful."

Her reassuring words provided me with a sudden burst of hope. Maybe I can make a new acquaintance, maybe I could finally do it.

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