stuck with a phobia ; lee felix

43

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"No your leg is supposed to go there."

"That's where your arm should be!"

"What do you mean! My arm stays here, and your foot should extend over there."

"Felix you're going to fucking fall on top of me," I screech, elbow and limbs aching from remaining in this position for too long.

"You would like that though, wouldn't you?" he snickers besides me, as I rolled my eyes at his joke.

Note to self, twister with Lee Felix was probably not the best game to play if you wanted to save your muscles from aching. I wish me from the future dropped in 5 minutes earlier to warn me.

Still, as we both simultaneously fall to the ground, clutching onto our stomachs while laughing, every bit of regret washes away.

A long month passed by since the school festival, and strangely enough I feel more drawn towards Felix. My past outbursts still stain my mind; they linger around even as I try to walk away from them.  I'm a fool to believe you can run from your own shadows.

However, Felix tried to get our thread of friendship back together, gluing the fragments that broke apart into one again.

I assist him along the way even though my mind is a mess. I am uncertain and confused every single day about how I feel and who I'm turning out to be. I feel broken beyond repair sometimes, and despite Felix's reassurance of being there for me, I can't twist the words out my tongue to allow him the trust he so desperately wants from me.

But I do believe we are getting there. Because I no longer want to be that helpless girl that cowers from anyone who wants to speak with her. I want to succumb to the vulnerability sometimes because maybe trusting—maybe creating lasting bonds could be something worth commemorating rather than annihilating.

It just takes some time to heal.

Coming over to Felix's house is our usual norm now. Some days I would come over to his empty place, and we'd watch movies and bake together. He would teach me how to play several of his many video games, karaoke, and then study French.

French.

It amazes me how he could make me enjoy a subject I used to hate with my whole being. No longer was I in the borderline failing range, but my grades have significantly improved all thanks to Felix.

He's an excellent teacher. He's so patient when I make the same mistakes, and hardly ever gets frustrated when I can't understand something. If only he'd have a degree already and replace Madame Lia.

He's so lovely. So perfect.

Things seemed to be falling in place for once.

"Oh shit our cookies!" Felix suddenly points out, scurrying to the kitchen. I follow behind closely, worried for our precious cookies we spent so long to make.

"Did they burn? Did they burn?!" I repeat as he peeks through the oven.

"Nah, they're just fine. We should stay here though and make sure I don't burn my house down," he laughs.

A giddy feeling conforms inside me every time this boy smiles and projects his laughter. It was soothing music to the ears.

I nod and sit on one of the kitchen stools, busying myself on my phone when suddenly I feel powder tainting my left cheek.

My eyes dart up to a cheeky Felix who's right hand was covered in flour.

"We are not doing this again!" I groan, trying to sound annoyed when really I wanted to burst out in laughter.